Age: 28

Biggest Obstacle: I had been looking to get married since I was 19, and the biggest obstacle was finding a man who was able to stick to the 5 pillars, especially salah. Then it was having my parents approval of him.

How I overcame it: Basically had patience and trusted Allah. I stuck to my guns and did not give in until I found him and my parents approved Alhamdulillah.

I am very slim, and this has actually turned out to be the reason why 2 out the 3 brothers who were interested in me turned out to be unsuitable.

One of the brothers was large but because I am so slim, like below average weight, it exaggereted the weight gap between us. If I had been more a normal weight he would have been perfect. The other brother was slightly overweight too but again because im so slim he was exactly double my weight and he was actually put off by my being slim and this was the reason he turned me down.

Im not anorexic looking and i have no eating disorder or anything like that alhamdulillah im just naturally slim but I dont want sisters thinking that us slim women have got it easy, brothers do turn us down for that. I think that brothers want women of average weight, so being overweight or slim can both be obstacles.

BIGGEST OBSTACLE: scared of marriage committment and looking for the right husband. And also the approval of my parents.

WHAT HAVE I TRIED TO OVERCOME TO OBSTACLE:
I have tried to talk to my parents about marriage and being close to them. I have started attending lectures, reading books about marriage.

I am still struggling looking for Mr Right but Insha’ Allah im optimistic and determined i will get there.

biggest obstacle:
I would like to marry someone who’s from the same nationality as I am, but it’s extremely hard to find someone from that area of the world in the US. ( regardless if they’re practicing or nonpracticing muslims)…..the main reason why i want to do that is because i do not want to live permanently in the US and thus may return to my country one day, so if my husband is from a different place there might be some conflict there.

what have I done to overcome this obstacle:

I told 3 friends to look for someone for me. I also informed our local masjid’s imam and I am still waiting for someone, also, as much as i can i am trying to make new friends so that I can tell them to find some one for me in near future inshalla
…..I am in grad school so I can’t really be too socially involved or else I’ll fail my classes, but i am trying my best as much as possible, but so far doesn’t seem to work so well since i have been looking for 2 years and nothing came up yet :<

I realised I needed to break down the barrier between me and my nearest muslim community, I voluteered for islamic charity work but none of the places I contacted needed a volunteer. I asked my younger brother (that was embarrassing he’s only 18 but he has alot of friends in a wide age range) if he knew anyone who might be compatible. He said he didnt. I joined a matrimonial sight but unfortunatley have been unable so far to find someone properly practising. I have spent alot of time writing up a really good marriage profile, mashallah its good and it will inshallah attract the right type of man. But I have yet to find men to show it to. I joined practimate that has really helped mashallah. I keep a positive attitude alhamdulillah that REALLY helps but Im still missing a practical way to let practising men know about me. My obstacle is a purely practical one.

Im 22 yrs old and alhamdulillah im very practising, im slim alhamdulillah and I take my deen very seriously. Im a very positive thinker and have always coached myself in a way. But I have not had a single proposal from a single brother and the reason is so simple its almost silly.

I live in a non muslim community and as a result I and my family have no ties with the nearest muslim community. I have no male relative who is able to mediate for me or look for me. I absolutley believe that there are many decent brothers out there, even in the muslim area near where I live but I just dont have anyone to seek them out for me. If anyone has a stroke of genius, a method I can use that doesnt require a man from my family but is totally 100% halal, please let me know. I just somehow need to alert the brothers in the community to my presence, I know they will be in the masjids and in the islamic shops but how do I approach them without actually approaching them? In the past I have used my brain to think up solutions for myself to almost every obstacle that I came across but how to do this in a halal manner? The answer has yet to come to me. Anyone have any ideas? They will be greatly appreciated inshallah.

I have been reading some of these comments on here and some have moved me to tears. I can only pray that Allah will make it easy for every one of you and that you will find the reward for your patience with Allah. May Allah make us all among the grateful, whatever our situation. Ameen

Dear Angel sister: I can only imagine your pain through this process. I hope that you find someone soon. Know that there is someone out there who will love you no matter what.

I am 29 years old, never married. My biggest obstacle is that I am an INDIAN revert to Islam. For people this seems to be a big flipping deal. I am educated, and have about 10 lbs extra, which I am working hard to get rid of. Because every ounce seems to matter, where all the other girls around me are pencil thin and wear revealing clothes. I refuse to wear un-Islamic clothing, but I will try to be my best in other ways, Inshallah.

I am also trying not to highlight the fact that I am revert to brothers, until I get to know them a little bit…I know deceptive, but I hate getting rejected flat out for it at first and then the family or the brother sees you some where else, some other way, and suddenly is interested. It’s kind of offensive, I think.

I am just trying to increase my networks to meet more decent brothers. Inshallah.

4. What were your “Aha!” moments during the last two webinars and in “Speak His Language” video? Based on the information presented there, what will you do right now and how are you going to apply that to your life?
being an american born muslim…my goal was always to be independent and i expected that Allah (SWT) would have whoever was written 4 me cross my path. well, i realized being so focused on my carreer had a cost. no man really looks 4 this as a main thing…u taught me that he is looking for how she will be as a mother and what qualities she exudes. 4 me that would come later, because he would love me so much that i would actually want to have kids (ruin my body, shift my entire priorites) 4 what? only to be mistreated? so he would love me so much he should have proved to me there was no way he would mistreat me. but why would any muslim guy do this…try 2 earn trust when he is really jus looking 4 his babys mama and those qualities right away? it was eye opening and disheartening becasue what if i didnt have those thoughts to be a mom…only thoughts to be loved …really n truly 4 the sake of Allah SWT…y wouldnt any guy just want that? AHA…becasue in Islam family is priority and men do want children. well that is the truth i walked away with.

It is sad reading all these stories. May Allah help all of us, ameen

I am nearly 21 (you prob think it is quite young). I would like to get married at this early age, and I am worried of the idea of leaving it too late

I am currently speaking to someone and …

*What is the biggest obstacle that I am facing?

-My family: I need their suppot but …
They want me to finsish my masters, get my PhD, find a job, then start looking for marriage! They say that I am still young, and will still be young when I will finish all this (i.e. at 24/25). They prefer me to concentrate on my studies for now.
They don’t trust men (practising or not), even the men in my family (uncle …) do not trust men. And they say that by me achieving something in my life before getting married, will give me some level of independance and respect (i.e. not make me slave of the man kind of thing)

-My degree and my career ambition:
I am studying engineering, and have some high career aspirations. And people usually stereotype this kind of women.

-My confidence:
I am not very confident in myself, in terms of beauty, eloquence …

-my naivety:
I am not experienced, and I know I trust poeple very easily, and I do need advice from an outsider in this, not being able to get support from my family is not helping very much.

-Mahram:
I dont have any mahram with me in this country, and my conversation btw me and the brother is kind of awkward.

*What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?

-I am figuring out how to introduce the topic to my mum: should wait for things to be finalised between me and the brother before annoucing my parent, or should I just tell her, hoping that she will accept the idea, and help me make a decision? The 1st option is risky plus it will be hard to keep things halal. The 2nd option is also risky, mum may reject him without even knowing him

-I have explained to the brother what are my real aspiration in life, and shown him that I am not career – obssessed (as compared being career-minded which I think is ok, at the end of the day, it is just you having a career in mind lol). I have shown him that I am family oriented, and inshAllah will be taking care of my family myself (without having to take a carer), even if I have to work part time only. Family comes before work/studies.

I understand where my family is coming from, and appreciate that are just being protective, and want the best for me. But I don’t see things the same way. I don’t see marriage as a burden, rather it brings peace and happiness in ones life, and I am happy to get married while studying. And still think there are truthful men out there.

I try to bear in mind that the Lord of the Universe does everything for reason, I (we) will get mariied when the time comes. You can’t change the destiny, you can only strive your best.

I learnt something … deep today: “And Allah is with the patient” This may seem obvious, but looking carefully, this is a deep statement, it just made so much sense to me today

PS: that was a quite long one !

AGE: 31

Being married previously and having 3 children, I have been on my own for some years now. I think the main problem now is that I have become sooo independant, that having a husband who can handle my very strong minded and well developed nature to survive single handedly is impossible…to the point i have almost given up looking for a potential suitor!
InshaAllah i will find the perfect match and i will soften and maybe rely (just a little) lol, on a husband.

Wa salam

Age:25

Obstacles: My parents are originally from a south asian country with a very small muslim population. However I grew up with south asians from all over south asia and speak their common language. However people arent willing to marry ppl beyond certain countries. Also I’m a 25 year old doctor and I have found some men to be intimidated by this not to mention the fact that I currently have an extremely busy work schedule.. I also have a long-term condition which doesnt hinder me alhamdulillah in any way. I am afraid that this might turn men away as this has happened in the past.

How I have tried to overcome this:
I acknowledge my ethnicity but associate myself with Islam. I also really get into other cultures and speak other ppl’s languages when I can to make them feel more comfortable. I have attended islamic courses over the weekends etc. However it is still difficult for me to get away on weekdays. Also in the UK people are very conservative and it is very difficult for muslim brothers and sisters to meet. I grew up in a very American society so I am also looking elsewhere in the west, which thus far has proved more promising. With regards to the condition, I take my medication and get on with life alhamdulillah.

Subhanallah, I was really heartbroken to read some of the stories here, sometimes I think some brothers are being unreasonable/too judgemental. I also think that the concept of getting married/process leading to it has become more and more complex in the 21st century. Sometimes I feel that some sisters and brothers both set high standards, that itself is an obstacle.

I tried posting a comment here some time ago so but it didn’t load, so I’ll try again lol.

Ok here I go :

1. Your age.

23

2. What is the biggest obstacle that has prevented you from getting married until now?

Higher education and all the aspirations that come with it!,trying to find a job that is suitable as I do have student debts to pay off. I hate to say it but another obstacle of mine (which I don’t see as a major hinderance) is race, I don’t want to go into much detail but I do know people who will not marry me because I am not ‘pure’ enough with regards to ethnicity. In addition skin colour is another thing, I don’t understand why many brothers want porcelain dolls. ???

Whatever happened to beauty being skin deep?

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?

Have browsed through those ‘popular’ matrimonial sites, but I don’t feel they are practical. I’ve tried networking with family friends (if they happen to know anyone they will sort out a meeting). Recently joined Practimate which I love! because it is interactive and actually gives real sound advice. Also been doing lots of dua.

Lets keep positive sisters! Inshallah we will all get our happy endings!

25

2. What is the biggest obstacle that has prevented you from getting married until now?

I have just not been able to find the person who’ll meet me for more than one meeting. Their mothers are instantly turned off my by asian (tanned) skin, short height and I’m slightly overweight.

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?

I am working on losing the weight Inshallah and I’m trying to strengthen my deen as much as I can in the meantime. It does get me down occasionally, but Inshallah, I will find someone.

Thank you for this program, and Inshallah, your tips will help us all find the kind of person we were made for.

My parents have said I shouldn’t be picky since no one is perfect. I’m not trying to find Mr Perfect but the Mr Right For Me.

My biggest obstacle would be my parents. Like another sister had mentioned, they want me to marry someone from nationality. I honestly don’t “clique” with them. I’ve been introduced to many brothers and there seems to be tension always. I’ve tried to keep an open mind but most of them that people have brought me were always Culture before religion and they usually just want to get married because they want to have the kids.

Honestly, I don’t want to end up in a marriage that goes sour learning from my parents’ marriage. I love my parents to death, they have taught me well but they just don’t understand why I don’t want to jump into a marriage where I have to learn to the love the man. What if he doesn’t learn to love me? I don’t want to risk being divorced and it scares me if I settle that I might up being those wives who can’t do anything, who have no say in their marriage. I know it’s a bit crazy of me think that I can find a man who can love me before we get married.

My parents have said I should be picky since no one is perfect. I’m not trying to find Mr Perfect but the Mr Right For Me.

I’m just scared when that day comes and when a man approaches my parents for permission ends up being a non-(my nationality), that they’ll turn him away. How should I approach my parents about this?

Sorry for the long writing.
JazakAllah-khairan Sr. Megan
=)

Greatest Obstacle: You know, I’m not really sure what the greatest obstacle is. I guess I could say the lack of suitable brothers that come from a similar social and religious background. I’m not talking about culture. I’m talking about the often sought-after combination of the brother who is financially stable, educated, and religious. I think I fit into this category, but how many brothers do? Also, I live the Middle East (Al-Khaleej) where I’m surrounded by Muslims. Seemingly, it should be easy to find a husband, right? No. People here really stick to their own cultural/national group. There are Western Muslim men here, but I find myself more attracted to the Arab men here. I think many ethic groups are not open to the idea of their sons marrying American women, even is they are Muslim. I have also heard of a lot of divorces between the local men and foreign women. Some of the local Muslim men don’t marry Muslim women. There is also a sizable Shi’a community here. I also think it takes a while before a man is stable enough to marry and have a family, especially with the current economic climate. Also, I don’t come from a Muslim family. So, I have no one looking out for my interests but me.

Overcoming these obstacles: When I was in the states, everyone that I knew was looking for a potential spouse me, even three imams. I also attended matrimonial retreats/seminars. Nothing worked. Then I came to the Middle East, still nothing. I did try a matrimonial website and found a brother that I really liked. He liked me too. We chatted, sent sms, and then moved to the webcam. He backed out for some reason. So that’s over. So, for me, I think I’ve tried about everything I can. Now, I leave it to Allah. I must be patient and make du’a. That’s the only option I have left.

Im sorry I forgot to mention my age : 26. Thanks a lot for this initiative !

Wassalam

1. Your age – 28

2. What is the biggest obstacle that has prevented you from getting married until now? – I was married and divorced before, I have two children from that marriage. I think the fact that I am divorced cancels me out in some brothers eyes, then I have two small children which I know cancels me out in even more brothers eyes (my brother in law told me a brother he was talking to about me said no he wasn’t interested,not even knowing what I look like because he said he does not want someone with small children). The other obstacle I believe is my ethnicity as another poster said. I am African American, but have very light skin (not that that matters), some sisters have posted that they are not very attractive and that has been a barrier in finding someone. I have always been told by men that I was very attractive, and often get compliments from strangers. So even for all of the men that put physical appearance so high on the list, once they see that I am black or have kids, me being beautiful means nothing. It is a very common discrimination, a lot of countires black or darker skin people of that culture are looked down upon. As Muslims we should be able to look at a person, for their deen, character and beauty, regardless of color. Even though I am not dark skinned and my skin is very fair, I am still a black woman. Wearing hijab, reading Quran, studying Arabic, praying, fasting, beautiful, educated none of it matters (in my case). Our brothers judge us to impossible standards, that is why I believe so many of us are still single.

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?
I cant overcome being divorced, it is what it is. I cant overcome being a single mother, I am blessed to have my children. I cant overcome my ethnicity, I am beautiful in my skin and happy with my appearance. Even if I talk to brothers who are also african american like me, ethnicity is not an issue. But me having children always is. How can I win? I have tried Muslim matrimonial sites, most of which are owned by non muslims. They have not worked for me, the men are extremely narrow-minded, will want to look at your picture but not talk to you. If you email them most dont respond. They from my experience want to date a Muslim woman (including physically) before making that step to get married. I have talked to the men in my family to help me find someone, so far I am still looking without much luck…

My problem is that my parents don’t want me to get married with a brother because we don’t have the same nationality and we dont’ have the same skin color. Mostly my parents pretend that he belongs to a lower cast, this has become a real issue for me because my parents would like someone “modern” and who is not really into religion…
I pray everyday to seek Allah’s help.

I look forward to get your feedback and help incha’Allah !

Wassalam

1. Age: quarter of a century

3. I’m overcoming these obstacles through the videos in the practimate training and through life coaching from my mom

She really puts a optimistic and realistic spin on things. She teaches me to respect myself. She teaches me to appreciate Allah’s marriage plan for me and see the good in it.

Allah’s “delays” are not Allah’s denials.

My biggest and most challenging obstacles are the limiting beliefs I hold about myself.

Beliefs such as:
- I’ll never find someone strong enough to deal with me
- I won’t be an excellent wife
- I’ll neglect my duties because of my illness
- I’m not pretty enough.
- No one will marry me because I had a divorce

These are just some of them and I know there are many more hidden ones.

The sad part is that many of these beliefs come from things I have little control over (illness, divorce, physical appearance).

I do have control over being an excellent wife and with that I am already making an assumption about the future.

The sadder part is that I am Muslim and I am not putting much trust in Allah.

I say that He will send me the right husband. And sometimes, or many times, I often don’t inculcate this belief.

So ultimately, my two biggest challenges/obstacles are my beliefs about my marriage prospects and the HUGE role Allah plays in this matter.

ps: Awesome use of hand gestures in the video! Your steepled fingers at the commencement of each point really show your confidence, ma sha Allah!

The biggest obstacle for me to get married was race. In my community, black/African American muslimahs are viewed as unworthy compared to Arab, caucasian and fair Hispanic, then dark Hispanic women –in that order. As a result, black muslim women watch their non-black friends marry and have families but have no options for the same. The worst part is that when we are approached it is by those brothers that no one else wants, or who needs a green card. Once yhese menn has gotten their green cards or citizenships, they divorce us and marry someone from the above mentioned group.

Thw sad thing is that I tried to overlook this reality and what was said to me by numerous friends, and I hoped this person would be honest, and so I got married. Within 6 months we were divorced because his father told him not to take care of me or any children we had; I tried to speak with 3 imams all of Arab origin to no avail; I dragged my ex-husband to marriage counselling–the counselor (also Arab) who knew me for over 6 years and my husband for 1 month, agreed that I was correct in asking my ex to support me and our unborn child. Since he still refused to take care of us, I made the choice to support me and the baby because I could no longer support me and my husband and a baby. The marriage counselor no longer speaks to me because I divorced my ex-husband. So now, I am 30, divorced, and a single mom. My ex-husband is working but does not take care of my daughter. He attempted to send her a miniscual amount that would not take care of diapers let alone food or clothing even though he makes a lot of money. I had no family to help me since I am a revert.

Race is a huge reason why women are unmarried in Islam.. Look at that point when you are conducting your study. There are at least 4 other women that I personally know that have been victims of race. Race, it cannot be overcome.

2. What is the biggest obstacle that has prevented you from getting married until now?

That is a difficult question. To be quite honest, I really don’t know the biggest obstacle. However, I do know that my father has not had the best reputation and that has been a hindrance in a few marriage proposals. But then again, I have 5 other sisters who have gotten married in spite of that.
When I seriously think back about it, and I have personally asked Sheikh Yaser Birjas about this, the best explanation is we really don’t know why it is taking so long, but to never lose hope

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?
I have a lot of extended family and friends living all over the United States. They have been keeping their eyes open for me, and one of them has even registered me on this matrimonial website and filters out the proposals. I am trying Practimate I have also tried to change my general attitude (being more positive and hopeful).

1.) I am 26 years old (well will be in 2 months InshaAllah)

2.) Alhamdulillah my biggest obstacle is MYSELF. I’m patiently waiting for my father to get a clue and arrange something for me or introduce me to someone, as I feel that it is HIS duty to do so. I’m too shy to approach him about the subject, and even more shy to actually entertain any proposals. But I need to get over it and say, “Hey Abu dont you know you have unwed daughter’s at home? What’s wrong with you?” LOL.

3.) I’ve tried making du’a and having my friend’s “lookout” for some suitable brother that can approach my father. So far they haven’t come across any “suitable” brothers. Wa Allahu Alim.

BUT Bottom line, It is up to what Allah decrees. Qadaru Allahu wa maa sha fa’ala.

I pray that Allah blesses us all with righteous and compatible spouses that will the coolness of our eyes, and may He make us patient with his decree. Ameen.

I was engaged and and seeing a guy for the past 5 years but in the end it didn’t work out, he came back from Iran from visiting his parents and decided that he didn’t want to get married anymore. He wanted more of a subservient kind of wife, so he never had to clean or cook, which he didn’t but the idea upset him, he didn’t believe in equality, even though I enjoy cooking and cleaning but I wanted to be shown appreciation and not have it mandated on me that it is my job. He was Muslim but not practicing always, his belief was simple and I appreciated that but I wanted a Man who prays and fasts.

To overcome this, I have just prayed to Allah to help bring the right man in my life and protect my heart. I don’t want to go chase after a man, I want to trust in Allah that He will bring it into my life because he knows it is my wish to find a great man, that love me.

What i have doen to overcome it, i have spoken to freinds and those who know my mother and they have come to her with suggestions of good brothers from other communities that i may like. And alhamdulillah it has worked, my parents are very open to this idea and have started to investiage families and look at certain brothers
And alhamdulillah the families i have been introduced to are religious and love sisters who wear hijab. SO i think to overcome my second obstacle i needed to change my social circle and try and mix with those who are like minded. And alhamdulillah its working.

Alhamdulillah i have had some interest and have had 2 proposals
Inshallah khier.

And allah knows best.

I am 22 and Moroccan

Biggest obsstacle for me is the new culture my parents have adopted, in terms of education comes first then marriage after you graduate and get a good job. Whereas my old culture (Moroccan) is keen on women/girls getting married in thier late teens.
I can understand where my parents are coming from, but it is possible to find a spouce and go to university at the same time. But they see it as a distraction.

I think also Hijab is an obstacle, alhamdulillah now its getting better more and more brothers want to marry women who already wear hijab. but not too long ago the brothers wanted to see what they were getting, and then after marriage they want thier wives to cover. So for me being the only hijabed girl my age in my community meant that the brothers actually prefered the sisters who were unvieled, but alhamdulillah i realised this filtered all the half hearted muslims and i was saved alot of hassle. The only women who wear hijab in my community are those who have gone to hajj which are the eldery.

Another is my families social circle does not encompass people who are very religious or those who follow the deen well. Our community are those who do islam out of culture/tradition, so the brothers my age are not practicing and are the type to live the lifestyle of kuffar. and my parents know that is not me at all. So the Lack of religious brothers in my community. I do not think that is something that can be fixed over night.
But alahmdulillah my parents are open to bothers from other ethnic backgrounds

Jazakallah khier
Wasalam

2. What is the biggest obstacle that has prevented you from getting married until now? Long-term serial monogamous relationships that did not lead to marriage: one 7-year relationship, one 7-month relationship, a 4.5-year relationship, and a current 6-month relationship. It might have been wasted time, but I learned valuable lessons that will hopefully help me get it right next time.

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle? Trying not to invest time and emotion into relationships that are not headed in that direction. I now set a time limit on the relationship and reevaluate at that time whether this will continue or not, whether the relationship is on some sort of track in the direction of marriage. And not just by hearing words but by looking at the actions as well. I will no longer look at a relationship as a potential marriage if certain nonnegotiable goals/issues aren’t worked out that are necessary to marriage. If my other half spends money on whatever he wants without setting aside money for a future for us in preparation, that’s a big flag. I take a good look at his priorities and how they match up with mine at this point in time and regarding this important issue. I think much more analytically regarding all facets of marriage and what is necessary to get there. Not so romantic, but hopefully smarter than the “foolish, blind, and deaf love” of romances past that did not end up in marriage after many years.

Biggest obstacle:
Lack of proposals. I was brought up thinking that my family would find someone for me. Up to the age of 26 they had never introduced me to a brother. I decided to look for myself however I hardly have confidence talking to men, I find it harder still, discussing marriage.

The practicing brothers I did introduce to my parents we either, too short, not good looking enough or not from my country. May Allah have mercy on us all, each negative is a springboard closer to the person Allah has arranged for me and in the words of the best women “inna lil`lahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon..Allahumma ajirni fi museebati wakhluf li khairam`minha”

Patients/ reliance was a quality of the sahaba of rasul (sws) and WE gotta represent

Obstacle: Lack of proposals due to age factor; I have been that I come accross as too ‘independent’ because I have a great job, maintain leadership positions and own a car!

Attempts at overcoming obstacles: There was a point when I tried to downplay the fact that i ’seemed’ independent but that backfired as well. So I will like to just stay who and how I am and not really care how others may percieve me. I will and have continued to make constant dua, if Allah swt wills, I shall get married. In the meantime, I’m not going to sob over it.

My biggest obstacles?

1. My father. Who wants me to marry within the culture, within the tribe and has some very specific criteria on what kind of man he must be and where he must live.

2. Not knowing any brothers from my ethnicity who are practicing and fit my fathers criteria (or want to deal with him) and are willing to marry a 26 year old.Between being home, taking courses(online) and helping my family, I do not get to meet or dont know where to find brothers.All my friends know I’m looking but seems none can find someone for me.

What have I done to overcome these obstacles?

1. I’ve had lengthy discussions with my father, tried to come to a negotiation, contacted imams….but he threatened to cut off communication with me if I married someone whom he was not pleased with.
2. I’ve notified all my married friends that I’m looking but with all my fathers limitations it never seems to go anywhere

so now I wait…just like the last 5 years…

1. 21

2. My mother. I have met an awesome guy and get along great with his family. They love me too. But unfortunately my mother won’t even consider it b/c of cultural issues.

3. Duaa…seeing if there are any options I have if my mother insists on saying no….although its islamically wrong why she is saying no.

I’ve tried talking to my mom about the qualities I want in a husband and also about not wanting to send pictures and having a dinner with both families therefore there is less waiting time in between and both parties can come to making a decision. But my mom doesn’t respond to my questions and makes it seem that I’m the one to blame for lack of proposals.
May Allah swt make it easier for all of us single men and women.

Age:
27

Biggest obstacle preventing me from getting married:
Lack of proposals. The Muslim community where I live is very small, so there is not much option in terms of finding a nice, religious and well established brother. Also, I’m a shy person, not interested in interacting with males, and am not that interested in finding someone online (since the credibility of that person is not comparable to when a brother is recommended by people you know). This puts a lot of the onus on my family to find someone for me. They’ve made good efforts, but there haven’t been that many opportunities to go for (or if there was, things didn’t go far).

What’ve you tried so far to overcome that obstacle:
My family has contacted friends in other cities that have bigger Muslim communities and asked them to keep an eye out. Also, making a lot of dua has helped. I’m optimistic that everything will work out insha’Allah.

1. Biggest Obstacle To Getting Married:
-i am a muslim convert and don’t know many muslim guys my age; i do not have a family social network that can help me
-almost all the muslim guys i know are between the ages of 18-23 and is too young for me
-constant segregation between the muslim males and females at my university; how can we meet when we are not allowed to talk even when in a room full of other muslims?!
-i wear hijab and some people have told me that i should not wear it if i want to be attractive to a man, but i want to be with a guy who likes and respects hijab and my decision to wear it
-my muslim guy friends my age or a little older are already married or engaged
-fear that meeting someone online would only attract someone wanting a visa or green card

2. What I Have Tried:
-talking with friends
-talking with an older muslim who knows me very well and can look out for a possible match
-looked into halal internet sites but didn’t feel it was the safest way to meet someone–plus i was afraid that someone i know would see me and i would be terribly embarrassed

I am 25 years old. I think the greatest obstacle to getting married for me is not having enough opportunites to meet brothers. It’s difficult for both brothers and sisters to know who is looking. So most people who get married do it through friends, but most of my friends are in the same situation as me and don’t know people themselves, or don’t know the right type of people. I don’t feel very comfortabel going to the singles gatherings yet, I feel like I’m putting myself on display. Maybe I’ll try it if everything else fails.

I also think that there are a lot of good brothers out there who are not superficial, who do have the deen but I think that they also do not have opportunities to find like-minded sisters.

The only thing I have done so far is let friends know that I am looking and of course make dua.

I pray that Allah gives all the sisters and borthers the spouses they need and make it easy for everyone.

If I knew what my obstacle was, I’d be steadily working to fix it. I’m 28, African American, and have been Muslim for 10 years now.

I have a wali, and even my Christian mother has been looking into the situation. I’ve signed up on the websites only to be disappointed at every turn.

*shrug* when it happens, I’ll be very thankful. Until then, I’ll be very thankful.

1. There has never been any obstacles; I think that it just didn’t happen and I really do not know what to do. My family do not socialise a lot and do not know anyone to introduce me to; and also, people nowadays are more preoccupied by their own lives and not really interested into helping…

2. I have tried a matrimonial website which I don’t quite like and making Duha.

The problem with me is very similar to most of the other sister’s problems in some or other way so I would like an answer to all the problems the sisters had written.
To be particular,I had problem of not being sure to marry and be committed and often wonder if I can be happy committing for such a log period.To be frank,My childhood has been kid of erotic due to my mom’s death and dad’s remarriage and didnt have good relatives too so upset and scared about my future and my kids too .I get scared of hearing soo many stories of so many ppl’s divorces and home violence which is persistant even in Muslim household so this makes my step backwards.I have been kind of person who likes to do what I like so scared about any ill-effects of marriage.
Apart from this,I am unable to find the right person.I personally dont feel anything whenever proposal come through my parents or my family.I dont like this way of interaction and introduction done between families and girl and boy.I feel like a piece of showcase beauty for which ppl and guy comes over to meet.Moroever,The proposals which my family brought ends up either rejected by my family or me or if both have selected then the guy’s family have problem so it doesnt even come upto meeting people.

Apart from this,I have always dreamt of a picture in my mind so alwayz wanted my husband’s to have all those qualities but unfortunately couldnt find it all or atleast most.I personally think the proposals kept infront of me by my family as more of pressure and I feel like revolting against their decision putting my priorities and wishes upfront.I dislike being forced to marry by exaggerting words from my family inspite of my dislike.

Apart from this,I am scared of mother-in laws and father-in-laws and their usual treatment to their daughter-in-laws.and all the marriages in my household seem to be kind of sad and disturbed to some extent either due to in-laws or not getting husband of good nature and family man which scared me to tons.I think I am very insecure due to all these and overthink on it and get confused and unable to decide.I am also one kind of person who has been doing what I wanted since childhood and so feel my freedom would be curbed if married though I want to get married in Halal ways to a good Muslim InshaAllah.I also wonder why guys have more power in household than women and the thought of being less in power takes my step back.

Apart from this,when I think to marry giving a second thought.,the guys side have problem,eitehr they want a non-professional girl,too young girl(less than 22) or US Citizen(I came to do my graduate studies in US),fair ,etc etc…Their mothers have soo many demands.

We tried to contact the local boys from my town but they wanted US Citizen girl even if she is a uneducated and when we contacted the guys from US,they wanted local US girls,so in both ways we,foreign students in US are losers.They even say there are many girls as compared to few boys so boys have more options.

Everywhere ,this is case whether marriage bureaus,idaras or shaadi.com(most are time passers not serious for marriage)so dont know how and where to look for good muslim guy.

What I have done to overcome this obstacle?
Lots and lot’s of duas,isteqara’s,namaz,fast,search in idaras(ppl),bureas,online site like isnamatrimonials,shaadi.com.I am even wondering if there is any way on facebook which is most sought after these days!I am a kind of person who is very shy even at this age to interact with guys and alwayz interacted with guys for school and work and nothing else so dont know how to do this and how to meet them/talk if that could help me.

I am 26 soon to be going on 27.

My biggest obstacle in getting married would have to be my personal growth in Islam and life experience that have shaped me today. I commonly chose brothers who were stagnate in their Islam, which created differences even though I openly admitted to be a work in progress. I had just hoped they were motivated to change like I was.

Through this growth it has enabled me to choose more carefully in which brothers to get to know for marriage. However, a more recent obstacle is meeting brothers who were not mature enough for the type of commitment needed for a marriage. I suppose we’re all still growing, insha’Allah.

I have tried meeting brothers on my own through school, websites, and matrimonials. I hope this helps!

2. biggest obstacle: sisters in the community need to stop judging me!
i have been married once before islam to a muslim man who was not practicing. after taking shahada, i left the marriage. when i was ready to get married again (at age 24), many women of different ages looked down on me as if i were no good. even some practicing sisters my age think since i have been married, i should know more about men than others who havent – not true! i dont have brothers, my parents arent around, i still dont really know the games men play, little girls w/o daddies dont have anyone to shield them from evil men. sigh*

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?
Being my true self, being the best person i wanna be, tuning out all the weird looks from WOMEN in the community, remembering Allah is the most merciful, most just, putting my trust in Allah alone, and when the time is right, Allah will let me meet the right person for me.

Obstacle: finding a brother who is between those ages and is a good practicing Muslim. Most of the “good ones” where I live are a lot younger/still in school, and that does not flow with my family. And the ones who aren’t too young and have established jobs, aren’t so practicing.

what am i doing to overcome it? i don’t know how that can be overcome…so i guess i’m still working on it.

Big hug to you sister. And Big love to all my sisters around the world.

Inshallah we will get our princes and hopefully we can look back and think ” hey what was I so scared about” . Because really alot these obstacles are to do with our personal fears.

Never lose hope everyone. Lets pray harder.Make lots of dua. And have lots of patience. Inshallah we will all find that very special ”one”.

Assalamualaikum. xxx

23

2. What is the biggest obstacle that has prevented you from getting married until now?

Trying to find a suitable job after graduating from University. Also parents saying I need to work on myself such as my weight. Furthermore, I want a husband who strikes the happy medium but I don’t know how to go about looking for a husband myself. I do not agree with my parents’ choices. Another major obstacle is living in the west in the 21st century.

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?

Signed up on practimate.com for advice etc.

Also I’m overweight which turns a lot of men off.

the men who have proposed to me have not been up to par with my religious requirements for the most part, and my requirements are not even that high…just prayer 5 times a day, leading a life which is suitable for a muslims in this day in age (one guy had pictures of himself in a bar with friends, not drinking or anything, but i don’t find it acceptable to even enter a place like that! yet his father claimed he was “religious”) and a thirst for ilm so we can learn together and increase our iman together inshAllah

when i first began receiving proposals i think i was embarrassed from my mom and also scared of what my getting married would mean for her…she is a widow and my only sister is married and lives far away and i don’t think she would ever consider taking her to live with her! and i cannot guaruntee my husband would agree to have her live with us (that would be one special mannn!) and it super hard going through the marriage process without a man involved i have tried to find a wali but that is no easy task though alot of my mother’s friend’s husbands have offered to help without overstepping any boundaries
there is also a shortage of truly religious men in my area

additionally, i was sexually abused by my sister at a ridiculously young age, i am scared of the effect this will have on me when i get married…and this has also decreased my confidence immensely which makes me stay home and not want to attend events as much where i could get noticed…i only attend almaghrib courses to learn…but there is no one looking there.

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?
duaa!!! copious amounts of duaa
trying to increase my knowledge so i can expect the same from anyone who comes to ask for me by taking courses and learning online and increasing my own iman…. al tayiboon lil tayiboon right? i am trying to fill the requirements i expect
trying to work through the obstacles in my mind, psychological like self image etc.

may Allah send all our sisters here a husband who is muhsin with great akhlaaq

This is more of a question rather than a response. Can there be a similar questionnaire for brothers so we can gage what they think delays their marriage and what they are looking for. Then both sides can consider or reconsider options. Sometimes there are lots of misconceptions floating around in regards to what the other side is looking for in a spouse.

JAK

Although it doesnt apply to me since i got married really young, and at 25 have three children, oldest being 7, I still think feel very sensitive to this subject as my other sisters are not married yet.. them being nearly in this category..

I think there are few factors which delays marriage..

Women themselves are not thinking of marriage, they think that if they get married, they wouldnt be able to persue education or career, and in the course, focus so much on that that they do not socialise or meet with other people, or go to gatherings and events where parents and not just young men could see them.

Most of the young women, try and meet young men, whereas even in todays world, parents opinions matter a lot, so its best to charm the parents.

I think that women must be very nice, talktaive and show their good personality by speaking to people who have marriage age sons or brothers, if that’s possible. Try and go to as much social events as possible and be flexible and positive. We can do anything after we get married,our lives don’t stop after marriage. If we marry when things go through the parents, it is more likely it will be a better match as a person who marries on suggestions from his parents will not have the ” I dont care about anyone but myself” attitude…

I think my sisters had the problems of not going to women only parties, weddings, gatherings, meetings. If they did like someone and they liked them in return there were social barriers, someone’s parents or the rest of the family not approving because of any difference. Finally, when one of them did get married,she had to come out of her routine and really meet people, and I being the eldest, got married so young because of being ever present in the family, among friends etc…

Having said that, some people, find it still hard. I do hope, Allah makes it easier for everyone and May ALlah have mercy on all of us, and may Allah give good husbands to all my sisters and my sisters in Islam, ameen.

Please do not despair, I know many many women even marrying in their forties, and then having a good life, May Allah bless us all, ameen.

1. 28
2. InshAllah there exist good practicing brothers out there. However there lacks a means or introduction to such people.

I forgot to mention that I am 32 (ugh! turning 30+ is not fun)

I am 24, will turn 25 in a couple of months inshaAllah!

1. What is the biggest obstacle that has prevented you from
getting married until now?
Although there are a no. of reasons, I think the biggest obstacle for me is, wanting to move to America for further education from a developing country. I just finished med school, and want to get into residency (PG) in the US. But lo, most muslim americans are very particular about marrying someone “born and brought up” in the US “only” lolz…of course, its understandable why they think this way, but its also very stereotypical and narrow-minded, especially in an age of globalization. People are obsessed that they will be exploited because of their “visa status”.
Why cant I marry someone from my own country and then move? Well, why would someone want to move with me when they’re already well settled here? Most brothers at my stage, applying for PG in America from my country, are too unsettled to think of marriage, so that option doesnt exist. Its like brothers from my country are not ready for marriage yet, and the brothers in America are not willing to consider people from “outside”.
I think my situation must be pretty unique on this forum. Most young muslim ladies from my country dont even bother to dream about going abroad for higher studies, and I realized why, only after so many years. Its so difficult to match building your career with the search of a life partner. And its not like I can halt one for the other, ‘coz delaying applying for residency would amount to professional suicide and delaying marriage would be losing out on a WHOLE lot of things in life!
2. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?
Duas, internet websites, advertisements, friends and family.

Answer to question 2: I registered myself onto a matrmonial website. Many people approached me for visa purposes but some with no compatiblity. My family also tried appoaching families friends but there is no luck so far.

2. What is the biggest obstacle that has prevented you from getting married until now?

Where should i start from!

1a) My AGE – Muslim men seem to think that a woman post 21 has nothing to offer in a marriage! So us ‘oldies’ who didn’t wait to complete our careers or whatever but got stuck behind because we couldn’t find the right man or due to life’s struggles just found oursleves racing agaisnt time and kind of left on the shelf!

1b) SKIN COLOUR- There are some racists out there who will not consider a wife a shade lighter than almonds! lol. So being a light-skinned, tanned but not dark skinned lady, i simply get rejected by those who want the ‘tall,fair’ wife. I must add we’re also not good for those whose mothers want the ideal fair skinned daughter-inlaw/ bride for their sons.

1c) PHYSIQUE- There are some Muslim men who are no different to their non-Muslim counterparts and are obssessed with the s**y, babe image, so those of us who don’t have that physique aren’t quite up to it. Adding from the fair skinned comment, there’s the slim but healthy looking wife that is so desired.

1d) PROFESSIONALISM- If you have a degree but don’t work or aren’t career minded then for some brothers you won’t make a good wife. Even though you may be intelligent,smart and happy to work at home and don’t enjoy the rat race or the demands of working outside the home, you’re considered to be boring and un-adventurous!

1e) NOT AN ALIMAH/LADY AYESHA- So far all my obstacles have been dunya/materialistic but there’s a minority of men who are pious and willing to overlook the beauty,skin clolur thing but focus too heavily on marrying an angel. God forbid if you make a mistake or don’t wear abayah/niqaab, pr accept polygyny, or aren’t as dutiful as any of the sahabiyaat than your doomed for hell! This minorty can be just as frightening.

1f) TRIBALISM- Sadly there aren’t good quality men left in todays times. So looking outside your culture is an option although it presents its own issues. However, trying to get your parents to think out of the box and breaking their tribal mentality has got to be the hardest task really.

1g) MUMMYS BOYS!- Wants his wife to live at home, allows intefering parents and elders to control his marriage and wife. Only listens and obeys mummy even if she is an evil woman.( THE WORST OF THEM ALL IS THIS TYPE) lol

1h) HARSH/STRICT MEN!- The balanced man is hard to find! One who has understood Islam properly, who has the right balance, doesn’t enforce niqab and polygyny on his wife, isn’t demanding, hasn’t misunderstood the obedience issue, is happy go lucky and playful. Enjoys halal and forbids haraam. Lives according to the Sunnah and isn’t into culture or biddah!

3. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?

Lots of du’a to Allah SWT to bless me with the coolness of my eyes, a righteous husband who is a blessing for me and i for him inshallah. I have challenged many neagtives out there, i have spoken to my folks greatly about the issue of triblaism and i have searched many times for my soulmate, am beginning to give up hope but believe too strongly in Qadr and have sabr in me yet! Mashallah. Any other suggestions, please let me know, there’s very little i can do to address the rest, i’m not prepared to bleach my skin colour, to invest in plastic surgery to grow the perfect body/image! Alhamdulillah, i like the way Allah swt has created me!

AGE, EXAMS, JOB, FOLKS, and ACCOMODATION (ALL SORTED NOW ALHAMDULILAH) but NOW THE WEATHER- nobody want to attend a wedding in the cold it seems. Needless to say, spouse to be was met and introduced a while back.

EXERCISED LOTS OF SABR- FOCUSED ON TICKING OFF A FEW BOXES, MADE DUA AND NOW HOPING SUMMER COMES QUICK TIME. inshallah

Internet match ups are partially good, but once a man (or woman) knows they are being considered their behavior changes, so meeting up in person after the initial match does not reveal the true person until much later, because everone is on their best behavior.

2. Finding a man who is balanced with both a strong muslim identity and worldy street smarts.

2. Being divorced.

3. Answering this survey

going to singles events (but I haven’t gone to any yet)

According to my parents, biggest obstacle for me is being overweight. They have not sought possible boys for me through their network, because they feel ashamed of my weight and “would not have an answer” as to why I am “this way.” So because they have not sought someone for me, they have not found anyone for me!

I have come across 2 good, solid possibilities through my friends/network (not while actively “looking”), but they did not work out because my family is moderately religious while their families were more so. The 2 boys themselves were on the same “level” of practice as I was &/or intended to be.

Therefore, according to ME, the biggest obstacle for me is finding the right someone who suits my level of practice, faith, and moderation while still accepting (not just “tolerating”) my family’s range of beliefs. AND is attracted to curvier girls.

Started practising ~ 3/4 years ago. My family live in another country and family members that live locally are either christians or non- practising muslims, so opportunities of being introduced to a muslim suitor in a halal manner is non-existent. Also had to learn about marriage in Islam.

2. What have you tried so far to overcome that obstacle?

I went in search of the muslims.

I work long hours and move around a lot so I didn’t have a “local” masjid, but this past year I decided on two “local” masjids – one near work and one near wherever I am staying!

I attend islamic courses where I have made friends with sisters. I have spoken to other sisters, read articles about halal ways to meet potential suitors.

Listened to lectures on marriage in islam , read books, registered with PRACTIMATE.

Will Insha Allah be registering with Islamic matching websites, organisations, imams in the new year. Although would like to complete PRACTIMATE training before getting married!

I forgot to mention, that I have tried through nikah.com (muslim matrimonial site) and through people I know. But unfortunately it hasn’t helped.

1. matrimonial sites are only concerned about looks, ethnicity and income
2. People never know u as well as your family. ANd since my family is not muslim that places me at a major disadvantage.

INshAllah Allah will be my guide.

The second BIGGEST obstacles is my own personal bias towards other reverts. Astagfirrulah but I’m not too interested in brothers who have just reverted to islam as I have, sometimes not even as long. I could be incorrect but I feel that as a husband (the leader of the family) he should know islam well. Other wise, with my small knowledge and his small knowledge its similar (in my mind at least) to the blind leading the blind.

That being said, the third biggest obstacle to my getting married is that those born muslims, are often less interested in a convert for marriage and more so as a miracle that an American woman freely choose to be muslim. I get many “MashAllah’s” but that’s where it ends. =o) The born muslims that I have known and are close to are often more interested in marriage from someone of their own RACE, COUNTRY and TRIBE! Very particular……I know. ) AS such I don’t not Qualify This is also not VERY islamic might i add. Sad, but true this is that state of islam today.

Finally, and I hope I haven’t bored you to much!
But I am currently working on my third semester at a University. If I could find a brother who would be patient with me and not take issue with waiting until May to be married I would not have a problem with getting to know someone and being engaged.

The one other person in my family who happens to be muslim tells me that I’m at a “CrItIcAl!! AGE” . I’m starting to think that this may very well be the case considering so many of my sisters on this blog cited age as a main obstacle! oops… InshAllah, may we all make dua think positive and be blessed with pious loving husbands. Ameen!

Jazakallahkhair Sister Megan for doing this..Allah swt reward you!! I really feel as if I am not alone in this.

I wanted to suggest a few ‘Emotionally moving obstacles’ for the poll you have made, if you find the following useful.

I failed to mention how suitors in the past have prioritized the following things:

1. Should be of a certain height (So, I have the height just not the looks apparently)
2. Should be movie star beautiful or picture perfect
3. Not fair enough in color (My brownness in complexion is usually a disappointment) I think I’m in denial about this one and cannot accept that people would actually judge me based on the color of my skin.
4. I have a flat nose (I’ve been told that isnt considered pretty .. ?? :O)
5. I dont look like the people of my cultural background (look different thus am unacceptable)

But Subhanallah Allah swt guide us all, if these are the criteria that matter to the suitors then its rather good that they haven’t pursued things further right? I mean there is supposed to be attraction but having standards that are too high can also be an issue.

Jazakallah khair again to you again sis,
Wassalam u Alaikum wrw

Sis Lala you should seek out therapy to help you overcome what has happened in your past, also you need to tell a family member who you trust. This will help you heal and be able to forward to inshallah a beautiful life. Also what happened to you is NOT your fault in anyway shape or form, so do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

My husband is from Pakistan and he is mashallah multi-lingual (9 total).

I am just a simple farm girl, with no college education. I am short and over weight but he saw past that, he also accepcted my daughter from my first marriage.

Now that I look back, Allah brought us together, so how. I had no intention of remarrying. I converted 1 month before we married.

It all has not been happy, lots of ups and downs, arguments, close to divorce so many times but we pulled through it all.

Sadly many men see movies, magazines, and anything else that give them the impression that all women need to be a size 0 not healthy and beautiful like the rest of you here on this board.
I will pray for each of you to find a wonderful husband one who is worthy of you love.

jazakAllahukahirun for having this survey and i must say subahanAllah!! soo many siisters have participated,it makes one realize that there are other sisters who are going through the same trial and mashaAllah with such strong emaan.

my age:30

Biggest obstacle:well for one its not that i take it as an obstacle. nevertheless on one side of the picture its qadar Allah.Alhamdulilah for that.
the other more practicle side, that is the human contribution is limited social interaction.i have literally just had one proposal in my life so far…that also through putting up an ad…not that there werent any other proposals by way of the advertisement, but there was only one respectable in all those that were proposing.hope you understand how giving an advertisement in the paper attracts all and sundry.
the one proposal that was there had major religious issues.anyway more or less it is a lack of proper social interaction of my family.not that i am blaming them.alhamdulilah they are the best parents in the whole world and may Allah forgive them and us for all our shortcomings.
one more obstacle,as suggested by some of my family members and friends,although i dont personally think of it as an obstacle,is my general reserved attitude when dealing with the opposie sex….wether in university or now in office or elsewhere.reason being my duty to Allah is far greater then my desire to please any non-mahram man for the sake of getting marriage proposals.a good cannot be approached through a means that is not a part of my deen.alhamdulilah.

what i have done to overcome the obstacle:currently patience and prayer.well for one i am a very very shy person as regards to getting married,and assume Allah will send someone inshaAllah sooner or later.i do realize the fact that i also have to do my part but honestly i cant seem to understand what it is i am supposed to do.asking my parents point blank or even dscussing the matter openly makes me very embarrassed.dont have much friends either or even the ones i have i cant seem to go and ask them or tell them that am looking for a religiously committed partner.did try attending religious circles not for that purpose of course.seriuosly i seem to be at a loss.my parents are trying through whatever respectable means they can.
well thats about as short as i can get.

jazakAllahkhair for the effort
wassalam

I am 24 turning 25 very soon. Some of the obstacles I have had is that i was engaged for about a year and almost EVERYBODY knew I was engaged to get married. So the engagement did not work out, we broke up and it took forever for people to realize I am no longer engaged. When I was engaged my dad was kind of materialistic and there were a lot of culture/religion clashes with my ex-fiancee which worries me for the future cuz it may happen again when someone else proposes. My dad isnt that religious, Rabena yehdee inshallah. Strong deen is a priority for me. Before I was engaged my parents also wanted me to wait till i finished college. Nonetheless, no one ever really proposes unless my dad doesn’t tell me. Plus I look a lot younger than my age I am 24 but people always think im 18.

also ironically my dad owns an arabic grocery store which I work at so many muslim people see me and I see them, but no one has really proposed and plus our social circle is small. and my parents keep to themselves pretty much, my mom is like it will come eventually which i know Allah has someone for me but I can’t just sit back and wait for things to happen. I should do my part and Allah (swt) will do the rest.

i have been looking online for a very long time that is how I met my ex-fiancee, but after that I have not met any one really serious yet.

May Allah bless each and every one of us with good righteous spouses!! Ameen ya rab!

As’salamu Alaikum wa Rahmtullah,

I want to say thank you to all of you who have taken the time to reply on this post. If you haven’t done so already, I posted a link to a survey right above the video, (its super duper short!) so check it out.

Looking forward to hearing from more sisters bithnillah.

Age:

Why haven’t I done it: Couldn’t find compatible brothers in terms of education, deen and financial stability.

What I did about it: tried matrimonial sites, tried friends, tried duas and finaly moped and accused Allah of abandoning me. Well, he didn’t. He finaly sent a brother. He is educated, speaks five internatinal languages (english, portugese, arabic, spanish and swahili), is a Hafiz, 34 years old, single, willing to move with me to the states so that I can pursue my masters, paints amazing paintings, is a kung fu master, kind of cute in his own way and really wants to marry me. I am in the process of rejecting him because he is financialy unstable. He just arrived from Egypt and is trying to make enough just to afford renting his own place. I have been panicking because should we move to the US i have no idea how he will cope with the financial preassure. But after reading all these posts and remembering what it used to feel like when I could not find anyone, I have realized that I have been stupid and blind. This is a good brother. He scores 8/10. I have no reason to say no. I should marry him even if only for the sake of Allah.

May our Lord give us the best, my wonderfull sister. Much love and appreciation for you all.

Assiya

1.
most of the muslims in my area are Middle Eastern and want to marry there own race ( im african- american )

2.
im a new convert so i dont really have a islamic family history

ive only used just the matrimonial sites

Biggest Obstacles:
1)Family refusing good suitors when younger because wanting me to finish my education and so forth/In their mind trying to do what’s best for me
2)Not very social(but friendly)/don’t put myself out there/very shy/Quiet/keep myself busy with work/studying my deen or otherwise
3)Family moved overseas and am now living alone/don’t network much

Tried overcoming obstacles by:
1) Talking to family about the situation (and to be more flexible), alhamdulilah it has gotten better now
2)Haven’t changed much in this sense, I like to stay true to my personality and have the right intentions for my actions
3)I can’t really do anything about this fact, except that Alhamdulilah it has brought me even closer to Allah, to know that I will always have Him there, even when away from my family.

Alhamdulilah Allah has given me a wonderful life thus far, and blessed me with a lot, and hence I have a lot to be greatful for, and not to ever complain(InshAllah). There are many others in less fortunate situations, that don’t have the basic things most of us are blessed with.

I have never been one to approach people due to my shy nature (and I don’t think this will change now), so I put my Trust in Allah, make dua, and InshAllah I believe it will happen whenever, wherever, and with whomever Allah wills it to be.

May Allah give us All patience and understanding,Ameen, Wasalamu’alaykum.

I am 32, and I am approaching my 10 year wedding anniversary ahumdillah.

I met my husband 11 years ago. He was muslim I was not. What brought us together was I met him through my job, even though we were in 2 different states.

His family had no intentions of really looking for him at that time. They had it in mind tht he would marry his cousin but he did not want too.

I am heavy and have been since I had my kids. I never thought I would have married anyone after my divorce. I was at a loss.

But my husband met me, he liked the idea that I was self independant, I had my own house, stable job, self sufficient since I was 14 ( i had a part time job in highschool made my own $$$ etc) but still lived at home and went to school.

I met him, moved and got married. I am a convert and his family loves me and I love them. I know several other converts who have gotten married to very good brothers who looked past weight and looks and “class” and education or no education.

So pleased sisters do not dispare, you will get married. There is someone for all of us. Just keep looking, if you look in the most unusual place you may find him.
Sometimes the best thing is right next door and you dont even know it.

What has prevented me from getting married? This a question I have asked myself many different times. For a very long time, I just thought there was something seriously wrong with me because I always turned the guy down last minute because I would be terrified for some reason. I have 5 top reasons to why I think I didn’t get married at a younger age or why i’m still not married yet.

1. My own personal pickiness/fear of unkown; there was always something wrong with every guy that wanted to marry me.
2. Family not envolved in finding me a good person whom they recommended to me and they selected.
3. Fear/Trust issues, I thought every guy will somehow turn out to be some sort of monster after I get married to him.
4. I was too concerned with physical appearance; If I did not find a guy to be attractive, I would not look twice or give him a chance.

5. Other/unknown reasons; in other words, Allahu A’lam

I am so incredibly passionate about getting married but have not started to look yet because 1.) I am afraid of not finding the right person and 2.) getting rejected by someone who I feel IS right for me.

I know I’m an attractive woman alhumdulillah and I have a good personality but I seem to still have low self esteem underneath it all.

I don’t wear hijab and I’m assuming most practicing brothers have a requirement of someone who wears hijab. I feel I am a good Muslim and I’m increasing in my deen but just haven’t gotten to that level yet. It would be nice to find someone compatible who is also trying to grow in his deen and is okay with me not wearing hijab yet. I’m very active in my community and am incredibly good at networking but so far no one has proposed to me.

So to be honest my only two obstacles are not knowing how to go about the marriage process and also not being confident enough.

The only thing I’ve done to overcome these obstacles is to tell my friends to introduce me to someone they think is compatible for me (for the sake of marriage). So far no one has been able to find anyone for me, either that or all the good guys are already taken (married or engaged!).

Age: 25

The biggest obstacle for me and I know it for a fact is Ethnicity. I have been asked for many times while I was in college and I rejected all of them b\c I had bigger dreams and hoped to receive a Masters or Phd. Now my problem seemed to be b\c of my ethnicity. I am a halfy…half arab and half non-arab. Most people in our culture care about one thing and that is nationalism.Big hypocrites. I wear hijab, I am modest, highly educated and religious and even though someone has been pursuing me for a very long time, his mother still can not look past ethnicity. And this women claims to be very “religious”. Although I look middle eastern, speak the language and have never associated with my other half, some families still like to refer to me for what I am instead of a Muslim. I am dying to get married. I make so much dua’ and ask Allah to open people’s hearts.

Good luck to all the sisters out there. I know how it feels when families think and judge for you. InshaAllah khier ya rubb.

jazakallah khair doing this, regardless of how your research goes, just reading all the responses above is soo helpful!

so I guess I’m not the only 26 year old that not married!

Biggest obstacle: initially when I started receiving proposals my parents focused too much on culture, ethnicity and rejected some really good proposals, now the brothers want younger sisters…that and my parents I think have developed a reputation for rejecting without meeting, may Allah me if I am misreading the situation, they are awesome parents mashallah.

what have I done: tried to speak to them about it, they show signs of loosening up, but stick ask the same ethnicity questions, not sure what else to do

Obstacles: 1. Culture – I am not compatible with any available bros.
2. Relatives/people with the same nationality – only want me for the the wrong reasons
3. High Standards – I take what I like from any culture, whether traditional or modern, and I look for the same in a brother. This kind of mix I think I’m only going to find in a convert. Although I was born into Islam, Alhamdulillah, I feel like I’m a convert.
4. Education – the lack of it with most of the people in my environment.

Attempts: A. Seeking leaders in the community – but I feel like they are helping their fellow brother out more than me. No one cares what a sister feels, the double standard is an immediate turn-off.
B. Answering your company’s requests. I have doubts it will work in an on-line fashion because I do need to be physically attracted to a person. And I do not want to start liking a facade, and come to find out after the fact about any lies. (I don’t even mean exaggerations. I’m talking about flat-out lies, which includes holding out on truths.)
C. If a person is in your community/environment, it builds a comfort level. For example, at my gym there are a handful of gym members who look like they could be Muslim (it’s hard to tell with Muslim men, and it’s not like they are going to come up to me and start a conversation).

Thank you for asking and listening