Comments on: YOUR biggest FEAR

By: inside_muslimah

inside_muslimah — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:43:45 +0000

I worry that he will cheat on me

By: inside_muslimah

inside_muslimah — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:41:29 +0000

That my husband will no longer love me after a time and will take me for granted and not consider me or my needs as important.

By: Hijabee4Lyfe

Hijabee4Lyfe — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 08:23:44 +0000

» What’s your biggest fear?
having a spouse who will take advantage of me and physically abuses me, it scares the day lights out of me

» What’s your worry?

someone who is ungrateful, is mean to my family, is not there for his wife and kids.

» What do you stay up at night worrying about?

basically all that I said and I just never want to be miserable and wake up each morning regretting I married this person!! inshallah that will never happen!

By: nana

nana — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 05:57:45 +0000

Very vain, BUT I worry I wont be physically attracted to him, or he wont be physically attracted to me. Vain, I know. subhanAllah.

Also, him being immature, irresponsible, disorganized and messy, not optimistic, judgmental, unmotivated, indecisive, and not an action taker. All the above would ultimately mean he is not religious either.

My biggest worry is that I will have to settle for someone who is all of the above, because all the good looking responsible brothers seem to be taken by some very immature girls.

By: h

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 04:40:21 +0000

Bismillahi arrahman arraheem…
What’s your biggest fear? My biggest fear is that I’ll never find someone who will fufill his obligations as a practising muslim husband as well as someone who I can be deeply in love with and enthusiastic about being his wife and mother of his children

What’s your worry? I worry that my son might become badly affected by the man I end up marrying…if i marry someone who I thought was someone I could trust but turns out to be a liar and abuser

What do you stay up at night worrying about?
-Being unmarried for the rest of my life
-Being tempted to commit haram acts to fufill my emotional needs
-Losing my son due to any decisions I make
-Dishonouring my family

By: tayibah

tayibah — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 11:45:17 +0000

I guess, like many sisters, my biggest fears is that I would meet a great guy and he would seem like an awesome brother…and it would all be a lie. And I remember you saying in one of the webinars that this fear is holding us back and that the only way we would be trapped is by our own selves, and that we could get out of it, that no one can hurt us twice without our permission. I have to respectfully disagree. When one is abused as a child, one learns early on not too trust too easily and that those closest to you can be the ones who hurt you the most. While you can divorce an abusive husband, what can you do with abusive parents, as a child? Where can you go? Especially when many shuyukh tell you to “respect your parents” and “treat them well” and “be good to them”, never understanding that some parents, while you maintain respect and treat them well, don’t do the same towards their children. This is a separate issue, but it lingers and comes up in our adulthood when we deal with people and especially, I think, in romantic situations.

As an adult, yes, you have more of a chance to escape. If you are a woman with a good education (or good parents) and, God forbid, marry a guy who pretended to be nice and ended up being abusive, you can divorce. But does that not break your heart? Waiting all your life and staying chaste for one man, being so happy when you meet and get married…only to find out he was fooling you and everyone. Many sisters have heard the horror stories of brothers who played the act and then after the honeymoon, the truth came out. How devastating is that for a woman, to have given herself to a man only to find out he was lying his way into her heart? Some women ended up having babies and then getting divorced. What’s the chance that they would find a man who is willing to marry a girl with a child? It’s scary and it’s happened, and while there may be a way out, it is still emotionally traumatizing.

From my own limited experience with men, and because of my self-esteem issues about myself and my appearance, it is also difficult for me to fathom that a guy would like me. I do feel that I have a great personality, alhamdulillah, but not so much a great outer shell. If a guy I would meet were to like me, I would be skeptical and wonder if it’s all a lie, if he’s just doing this to get married to some girl so his parents can get off his back and he can go on to do haram things (it’s happened).

I worry about the interaction between my parents and my future spouse, before and after marriage. I know Allah can make it easy and that’s all I can do…make dua that he make the marriage process easy. After marriage…I am sure there will be issues.

I worry about having kids before i am “ready”. Yes, I worry about birth control and “oopsy” pregnancies; I don’t agree with conventional birth control methods but also don’t want to get pregnant so soon after marriage. I want to get to know my husband first and at least have time to just enjoy married life as husband and wife before adding the youngsters.

I also worry about falling into haram. I know you said “never think ‘it won’t be me’” and I agree. I can see it happening, if I were to let myself get too close to or talk more than necessary to a non-Muslim man, that I could fall into haram. I would never want that and I avoid it because I know how vulnerable I am. Alhamdulillah, I have never had a situation arise where a guy made a pass at me or said something really nice to me. But it would be a GREAT test of my character (and I pray that I pass, insha’Allah!!) if it were to happen. I know that Muslim men can sometimes be “romantically challenged” and I think that should be addressed. During the proposal period, when things are really progressing and looking good, maybe they can do some nice things for us? Surprise us with something? Non-Muslim men do it all the time, especially when they are really deep into the relationship. Why not a Muslim man?

May Allah keep us all safe from temptations!

By: wad

wad — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 05:38:12 +0000

how old are you, brother? What age group you looking to marry? Requirements?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 00:48:54 +0000

I am a very sensitive girl and I fear that I if my husband would scold me on little things or get angry with me frequently I wouldn’t be able to take it. I am fearful of the temper of the man whom I will [insha'Allah] marry.

By: sophia

sophia — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:58:22 +0000

Assalamalaykum Sister Megan,

This was a great advice. I think the most important part is when a men and women introduce each other. You have clearly made it easier for sisters to think as their future wife and a mother when talking. Thanks for sharing! Jazakallah Kahir!

By: myfears

myfears — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:26:57 +0000

* marrying a brother who is not honest to be or marrying me with a hidden agenda.

* marrying an abusive brother

* Sometimes I worry that too much will be expected of me but at the same time, I wont be allowed to expect much from my husband.

*even more, I worry that I will never marry

By: BiggestFearM

BiggestFearM — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 13:55:54 +0000

What’s your biggest fear? That my husband won’t like me in the long rn, that he’ll treat me poorly or divorce me and I’ll spend my life alone and ashamed
What’s your worry? That I won’t find Mr. Right but I’ll simply find someone to tolerate me
What do you stay up at night worrying about? I haven’t worried about marriage in a while but I guess I don’t know where to begin to find a husband when the time is right.

By: Sister A

Sister A — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 02:53:31 +0000

Biggest Fear:
Not being able to find a spouse at all. I’m the only Muslim in my family and have no one to help me go about finding a good a practicing husband. All my family understands is dating and that is obviously not permissible. My fear is that either i wont be able to find a good husband at all or else the idea of marrying a wife with a non muslim family will put off any good brother from being interested.

By: Afaf

Afaf — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 17:23:53 +0000

Asslam U Alaikum Wa rehmatulahi Wa Barakatuhu!!!

Jazakum Allah khairun for your efforts……

What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is that, the person whom I’m going to share all of my life,he would care of it or not,would he give me all of his intention or not???

What’s your worry?
My biggest worry that Am I able to fullfil thier demands or expectation???
They (my spouse’s family)would appreciates my efforts becuase you know most of the times they dont appreciate and whatever the galz does they dont satisfied and always say to thier son,’’she is not good,she dont know how to deal with this that ”etc etc…..

What do you stay up at night worrying about???
I just want my husband to trust on me,becuase if he will,then I can face all the problem,but What I’ll do if he wouldn’t have any trust on me???
And does he help me to go to Jannah???

Jazakum Allah Khair
Take care

By: Sister NH

Sister NH — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 04:16:36 +0000

My biggest fear is that my husband will never want to become closer to Allah and in turn influence me to come further away and lesson my imaan. Also that he will be perhaps abusive towards me, whether it be physical or even emotional. I fear that what if he’s good but I just don’love him…meaning I’ll never be IN LOVE with him. I also fear that even if what I have is good, I will always look at what I perceive as perfect and always be envious of certain ppl.

By: Umm Baseemah

Umm Baseemah — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 04:12:04 +0000

When it comes to marriage…

> What’s your biggest fear?

- My biggest fear is dieing alone, not being married, lack of communication, & understanding one another.

> What’s your worry?

- I’m worried about him being faithful with me, his children, & with Allah (SWT).

> What do you stay up at night worrying about?

- I’d be worrying about if I married the person Allah (SWT) has created for me.

By: pink_rose

pink_rose — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 02:45:29 +0000

What’s your biggest fear?
is that i will never marry: (
What’s your worry?
my biggest worry is that i make a bad choice because of my fear.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
i stay up at night because i have made soooooo much dua, and yet i feel so alone and in trying to survive in this harsh world, i dunno if im gonna make it. esp alone without support becasue sadly its all ive ever known this is making me tear up just to write, but i have lived it so it is hard. i had the imam during ramadan have the entire umma make dua 4 me after offering charity and still NO RESULT. i just have not met a muslim. only nonmuslims cross paths with me and i am starting to feel exhausted beyond beleif trying to put my effort in guys from pakistan who dont speak english, dont understand how to even treat a girl n trying to win her heart….just trying to teach them, only to learn they cant even come into the states, n perhaps this was their main motivation, meanwhile…my energy drained: (

By: muslimah

muslimah — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:33:50 +0000

What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear regards to marriage is that I will end up with a non practicing husband. I’m also afraid of him that he might be controlling. (may Allah SWT forbid this)
Also REJECTION hurts big time. I know Allah SWT knows what is for the best and I make dua that he help all of us single sisters.
What’s your worry?
I’m worried that as I’m getting older its going to be hard to find someone and my family doesn’t socialize much therefore I’m worried about being the cat lady.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
I worry if I will get married or not.

By: amatullah

amatullah — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 18:33:06 +0000

my biggest fear probably (may Allah forbid) I won’t find a sincere brother who doesn’t like talking to sisters unnecessarily rather get a hubby (may Allah forbid) who doesn’t lower his gaze ( in other words try & cheat me when I’m not around OR WHEN I’M AROUND !!! ) for the sake of Allah, unnecessarily converse & jokes with non-mahram & doesn’t have any sense of ghirah & will not love me & only me for the sake of Allah !!!

Thats ^^ what my worry is .

When a man knows many sisters he doesn’t like his wife because he saw these ghair mahrams wearing broaches, showy hijab , make-up & all to attract non-mahrams even though his wife strives to please him ALL way possible because shaytan makes her unattractive to him & make hayaless, non-mahram sisters attractive to him. This free-society’s ‘free-mixing’ islamic classes & all CAN destroy a happy family easily. ………….. Thats what make me stay up at night worrying . Another thing which makes me so worried is if I find a sincere brother like the way I want will my family approve (if he is from different culture etc) ? Will my parents be happy with us (me & him) ? My family is not that practising. They don’t understand a brother who only prays 5 times a day also indulge into many sins like music, bollywood movies, ribah etc (examples I’ve at my home) & my parents think a brother who prays 5 times is good enough for me , he doesn’t have to keep beard etc !!!

Make dua for me everyone though I’m not in 25-30 age group. *sad*

By: AREENA ALI

AREENA ALI — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 10:34:51 +0000

Asalam-o-alaikum,hope u r well.
i m young girl of 20.wana mary soon but family is not willing to give me in marriage right now.but they say ok v r finding 4 u.but i m just worried as the one my father will choose i wil have to say yes becoz i do hijab so to b honest before marriage i can’t know exactly what a man is upto.so my father can choose better.but my father isn’t that much religious.but i m.n i wana mary someone who practice himself and also make me more practicing one inshallah…………………………………………………….

By: muslimah

muslimah — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 14:17:54 +0000

fears

husband will cheat on me….
divorce me….
control me…
leave me for another woman….
i dont want to be a co-wife or a divorcee…

By: Salwa

Salwa — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 16:52:08 +0000

1) Marrying someone who is completely different to what they were when we were introduced. Someone who has set expectations and expects me to fit into thier life rather then make compramises.

2)I wont be able to please my husband, i wont be what he has expected. i suppose in all aspects.. physically, in my mentality and religiously. People all have expectations and i am worried i wont be anything like what they expected.

3) Marrying the wrong person, we are wrong for each other. therefore unable to please one another and not make each other happy.

By: StuckInTheSystem

StuckInTheSystem — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 12:07:09 +0000

■What’s your biggest fear?
■What’s your worry?
■What do you stay up at night worrying about?

Biggest fears:Ending up with someone who abusive in private but can put on a face when outside of the house, not being to connect with the spouse some months down the marriage, ending with someone is either too religious/too liberal but they portrayed themselves to be the happy medium in the introductory stage. Him talking about other women who are ”better” than me. Him wanting to marry more wives (i dont have a problem with polygamy) but rubbing in my face cos he has the right to do that.

My Worries?: Losing that ”connection”, Him not being attracted to me, no talking (I have seen this happen, where couples are married but they don’t talk). Not being able to meet expectations of in-laws/or not being able to connect with in-laws, abuse from in-laws. Neglect/Divorce.

What do I stay up worrying about? well sometimes I think ok I’m 23 and time ticking so is my bodyclock I do sometimes feel the pressure…I really want to settle down now, but am held back by career aspirations/family expectations of me. I am trying to make use of my degree and am also going into teaching which means more studying etc. Sometimes I just think I have to forget this , must concentrate on getting married and my husband will take care of me as it should be. At the same time I want to experience living an ”independent” life….

By: kiyanalynn

kiyanalynn — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 04:54:34 +0000

im a trained signlanguage interperter and all i do is repeat what others say and that takes 3 years of schooling
so i think if you want to do anything well( even being married) a refresher is a great thing

By: kiyanalynn

kiyanalynn — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 04:51:09 +0000

i forgot one :
that he is overbearing and mean and hes might abuse and hit me

By: kiyanalynn

kiyanalynn — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 04:50:07 +0000

What’s your biggest fear?
that i will never find a good guy to marry

What’s your worry?
not being able to connect on a physical level because of not test diving

What do you stay up at night worrying about?
not being a good wife and mom

By: itsme

itsme — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 07:40:50 +0000

Fears:

1) Oppression
2) Not being married young
3) This one especially —> Losing the close bond I currently have with my family.

What does it mean to obey your husband? To be a doormat and recieve reward for it?

By: Heart-beats

Heart-beats — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:43:05 +0000

Recently,I have being stressed out,anxious and worrying about whether I will or will not marry someone from my country. The problem is that I can not speak to my parents about what sort of person I want.

By: Heart-beats

Heart-beats — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:17:27 +0000

Salam alekum,

First of all, let me thank you for providing us with this great opportunity to express our BIGGEST FEARS.Barak allaho feek.

What’s my biggest fear?

…end up marrying someone from my country (culture) whom I promised myself NOT to marry.

What’s my worry?

…what if I do end up marrying someone from my country? What if my parents are refusing the guy that I wish to marry,then I might never ever get married?? *sigh* What if I never get to marry the person I wish to share my life with?

What do I stay up at night worrying about?

I have hope in ALLAH SWT,I make lots of dua.Otherwise recently- most nights I worry about is my parents refusing ‘everyone’.

Cheers,

By: anon

anon — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:14:49 +0000

# What’s your biggest fear? that i end up alone

# What’s your worry? : that i will be judged on what i look like only.

# What do you stay up at night worrying about?:that i won’t get married and that if i do he is not a good enough father.

By: anda

anda — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:29:34 +0000

What’s your biggest fear?
What’s your worry?
What do you stay up at night worrying about?

My biggest fear is that if my man doesn’t follow religion as it should be.
Because I feel that strictly following your religion cures all the problems of this life…

My worry is that will I be able to stand upto his expetations or will he love me the way I am!!

I stay up at night worrying about things that i don’t know in him……..! May Allah create in him ( my fiance ) all the things that i like.. Allah knows my needs best!! ameeeeeeennnnnnnnnnn.. Please pray for me!!

By: Muslimah

Muslimah — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 01:35:06 +0000

My fears are:
-Never getting a proper proposal
-getting proposals but the guy is not into the deen.
-Because I and my parents aren’t that social, I am afraid that it will be hard to find someone.
-Rejection
-controlling husband

MAY ALLAH SWT HELP ALL OF US

By: Aamatullah

Aamatullah — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 21:46:15 +0000

Salaam, My biggest fear in marriage is how to fulfill all responsibilities bestowed islamically on wives.

By: AMuslimGirl

AMuslimGirl — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:22:56 +0000

My biggest fear is that I will end up in an arranged marriage with someone from “back home” that I can’t relate with, and that I can barely communicate with because of the language barrier.

My worry is that I will find someone that I like, but he won’t notice me or like me.

I stay up at night worrying that my future husband will get in the way of my life plans. I want to live with my parents and take care of them. I also want to leave USA and live in AFG.

By: concerned sister

concerned sister — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 02:22:56 +0000

When it comes to marriage…

What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is my husband cheating on me.

What’s your worry?
I worry that he will be different from what I thought from before marriage. i.e. He seemed religious and rational, but then becomes controlling and pessimistic.

What do you stay up at night worrying about?
I’ve only gotten one proposal, but I worry that I will turn down someone good or that I already have done so due feeling that I am not ready for marriage because of my level of iman or other reasons or simply because I am so scared of getting married because people show you one thing and then you get something else.

By: Khadzjah

Khadzjah — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 04:05:06 +0000

Bismillah as salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah.

What’s your biggest fear? My was biggest fear is homelessness. Now, it’s abandonment.

What’s your worry? Not being able to contribute to the ummah.

What do you stay up at night worrying about?
Opening a business or working or going to school.

Barrak Allah fiik. Love-One-smile, it’s an act of charity.

By: bant_aby

bant_aby — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:09:28 +0000

salam alaykum

What’s your biggest fear?

my bigest fear it ll be getting married and live with him and raise his kids and when i get older and not good looking he ll leave me for younger looking woman

What’s your worry?

what if he is not what i thought he ll be..he is controlling freak and will turn my life to HEll

By: Miriam

Miriam — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:19:31 +0000

My biggest fear is that my husband will cheat on me, or fall out of love with me (or I with him, but I worry about this less). I don’t want to get divorced. I fear that we would not be able to cope with problems that may come along the way: serious illness, children who are sick or have problems, etc. These things, unfaithfulness or lack of love and commitment to each other are what I stay up at night worrying about. I hope that we can grow stronger through our good times and in bad and I will look for these qualities- kindness, commitment, loyalty love, and compassion in my spouse and try to develop them in myself. The strongest marriages I have seen have grown closer in the face of difficulties, but this requires so much from each spouse. I fear making the wrong choice or failing myself. I hope I do not.

By: *********************************

********************************* — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 03:37:18 +0000

Not being able to Fulfill my obligations as a wife and not being attractive enough :/

By: Muslimah_under the iceburg.

Muslimah_under the iceburg. — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 19:35:11 +0000

Asalaamulaiykum.

My greatest fears are 1. Marrying someone who will take me for granted.
2. Marrying a person who will not be content with the level of beauty I have and will want to marry a second wife.
3. Ending up married to a chauvanistic man.
4. Being married to a violent, aggressive man.
5 Ending up married to a lazy unresponsible man.
Ending up married to a man who doesnt fear Allah and who has no sense of shame.

By: consciousness

consciousness — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:55:47 +0000

ASA, My biggest fear when it comes to marriage is- delays in preparation for marriage, rushing to get married too soon,

By: Sister from New York

Sister from New York — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 03:25:32 +0000

biggest fear: being surprised (in a bad way) or recieving information about my spouse that shocks me, which should have been known before the marriage
worry: not being understand
nightmare: not having a connection

By: Nadirah

Nadirah — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 02:44:42 +0000

ASA-I personally don’t ever focus on fearing anything but Subahanhuwa’t'ala.

Nadirah

By: Jannah

Jannah — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:31:39 +0000

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
As-Salaamu ‘Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah,

1.) My biggest fear is earning the displeasure of Allah by not being a righteous wife, or that may husband will be displeased with me in any way.

2.) Being trapped in an abusive relationship with a brother who seeks to restrict mmy freedom.

3.) Given the high # of single Muslimaat in relation to available Muslims, I fear that I may never find a suitable, righteous spouse. And Allah know best!

By: Umm Harith

Umm Harith — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:17:43 +0000

biggest fears:
that I will marry the wrong person and be unhappy for the rest of my life.
that ill marry someone i cant talk to and feel open with, and ill just end up being the woman who cooks, cleans and rears children to him.

Biggest worry:

will I ever find someone, and if I do find someone will they be the right one for me?

By: muslimah :)

muslimah :) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 04:31:52 +0000

Assalamualakum.

What’s your biggest fear?
not being happy with my husband: because my parents want me to marry someone from their home country (in asia) when i live in the western world.i don’t understand why they dont understand. maybe im too judgemental but i feel that people in western countries try to be better muslims whereas people o/s just going along with islam as some type of culture. they dont seek knowledge etc whereas we face so much difficulty in trying to keep steadfast. so i guess my biggest fear is marrying someone who is not religeous,not loveing or thinks i am below him.

What’s your worry?
not being good enough for my husband, if he is a does fulfil my requirements as mentioned above. what i mean by this is that i feel that i’m not interesting, not good at speaking (even though i was born in a western country) and don’t meet his expectations.

What do you stay up at night worrying about?
i don’t worry at night because when i watch an episode from thedeenshow.com this reminds me of my purpose in life and the fact that everything is Allah’s will. i only hope that i will be a better muslim everyday, insha allah.

By: AnonyMiss

AnonyMiss — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:52:27 +0000

My biggest fear: being rejected by every potential match, or someone reacting really badly (like violently) if I reject them.

My biggest worry: that I am unmarriageable. That I won’t be satisfied physically or emotionally or intellectually. That my spouse won’t be satisfied physically or emotionally or intellectually. That I can’t have children, or some other valid islamic reason for a divorce. That I’ll hate being a housewife, which is what I really want right now. Being poor and being passed up by otherwise nice matches because of it.

What keeps me up at night: the above, plus the worry that my mother is right and that being married won’t be a big part of making me happy. Or that my stubbornness will get in the way of making the choice I am supposed to make, to be happy. Just my inadequacies in general.

By: Sista

Sista — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 12:27:14 +0000

1. Biggest fear?

It will not work, we’ll get divorced! I will be forever alone! Would you like me to continue…?

2. Whats your worry?

He will not support me or understand me. I’ll be alone emotionally if not pysically!

3. What keeps you up at night?

If i do all this, will i still be happy?

By: Zeinab

Zeinab — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 08:41:58 +0000

my fear is you misguide young muslims with false believes & you encourage them to disobey their parents & deny their approval for marriage (kabirah) under the magic power of love.
You are breaking srong big families to build weak artificial ones.
Etaqu Allah ,fear Allah.
your own children will have a turn.
Wish this could be submitted.

By: biggest fear

biggest fear — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 05:23:09 +0000

My biggest fear is that we do not live for Allah’s sake and our lives are wasted on silly things that do not matter, running after children and wealth and worldly matters. In other words I am afraid he does not put his deen first, or that together we do not put our deen first.

By: Nickname

Nickname — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 04:59:40 +0000

My biggest fear: cheating. The lack of trust and lack of regard that would imply would devastate me, even more than a (an amicable anyway) divorce.

By: banaat

banaat — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:25:28 +0000

i know many girls worry about getting intimate with their future spouse. It makes them very nervous as the wedding approaches.

By: shootingstar

shootingstar — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 07:31:07 +0000

What’s your biggest fear?

-That I will end up divorced and have to deal with the associated stigma of being a divorced female.

-That my husband won’t be attracted to me

What’s your worry?

-Marrying someone who is not enthusiastic or interested in improving themselves and learning and applying Islam/being on my own when it comes to being a positive Muslim role model to my kids

-That instead of enriching my husband’s life, I will be a hindrance and a source of regret

-The patience and understanding factor. Maybe he won’t be able to deal with my emotional issues and insecurities.

-That between two proposals, I will make the wrong choice and live to regret it.

What do you stay up at night worrying about?

When will I get married? It’s so hard to be patient sometimes. It seems like all my friends are getting married/engaged mA but nothing seems to be happening for me even though I always hear about how sought after I am. May Allah swt give us all what is best for us.

By: Hopingforthebest

Hopingforthebest — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 02:00:40 +0000

I fear a very abusive, and over-controlling husband, who has little understanding of women and a lot of cultural backwardness. I fear that I will not only have to be taking care of my husband but also his side of the family including his parents, siblings, and other extended family. I am afraid that the relationship will be rough, even though I hope for a harmonious relationship.

Basically everything “Blue” said…

By: flea

flea — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:45:35 +0000

Biggest fear when it comes to marriage–my husband will hinder/discourage me when it comes to education/learning after marriage, or he will not be interested as much as i am in gaining knowledge, both islamic knowledge and secular knowledge. I would like to keep studying even after marriage, and it would be the best thing if my husband would study with me!!this doesnt have to interfere with other duties of marriage… where there’s a will there’s a way.
I would like to have intellectual discussions with my husband, and for him not to be threatened if i challenge him intellectually.
I would like him to respect me, and although many muslim men dont realise this, they do not respect/understand the role that women play in family life.
I would like him to be a clean person, to atleast clean up after himself, at the very least.

By: D

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 21:54:59 +0000

My biggest fear is not having attraction for my spouse. I am often told that after marriage love happens, but i fear what if it doesn’t happen?

If he can not provide for me, like my parents have.

If I find the person I want to marry, but can not marry him due to education/finances and end up getting emotionally involved before marriage.

If he will take care of me, or if I will end up taking care of him.

If his family will like me. If he will be good to my parents despite their flaws.

By: xuu

xuu — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 20:21:06 +0000

Whats ur biggest fear? not finding the right person, & not able to have children.

What’s your worry? I may not be perfect for him, leaving me for another wife.

What do you stay up at night worrying about? Will I ever get married?

By: tas

tas — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:25:44 +0000

I would say my biggest fear in finding a hubby is the fear that our personalities arent fun enough to last for the rest of our lives. I have friends that just kind of died off after college, sol I am scared that the same will happen w my husband. Another fear is that as a single person I am already frusrated w my career path, even thoug it is professional, so I finding a personal and educational life that doesnt clash

By: amatullaah

amatullaah — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 16:37:18 +0000

What’s your biggest fear?

Would I be able to find a TRUE practicing Muslim husband,(not only muslim by name or once who only pray & fast)or I have to end up accepting any proposal (as my parents concerns & worries are getting double with my age)

What’s your worry?

That my to-be spouse will be a real muslim who will help me in my deen and live according to Islamic teachings. Who will take marriage as a strong bond, respecting and realizing the needs & do’s & don’ts of marriage.

What do you stay up at night worrying about?

I want to live in an Islamic country (i am born & brought up in Gulf)& this thing scares me what if i have to live in an unIslamic country. It seems not to be so difficult but i know many sisters who did hijrah with families, only to live according to Islam as they had to compromise on many things in their countries.

By: Blue

Blue — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:59:06 +0000

When it comes to marriage…

- What’s your biggest fear?

That person will emotionally abuse me like my father does by making me feel that I’m worth nothing!

- What’s your worry?

Will i ever be trust any man!

- What do you stay up at night worrying
about?

After i get marry, Will i be strong enough to tolerate all the problems my mother been tolerating for 30 years from her husband?

By: me

me — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 11:45:26 +0000

What’s your biggest fear? that I get lost and don’t know what to do
What’s your worry? that I have a bad marriage experience
What do you stay up at night worrying about? when do I find my other half and end this torture

By: fatma

fatma — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 10:43:28 +0000

my biggest fear …
to have a routine life with my spouse and make no change

my worry …
the ability to fulfill my duties

night worry…
the futur

By: sister

sister — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 10:34:37 +0000

biggest fear:

- my sins being leaked out to my prospective spouse
- marriage failing and parents saying ‘we told u so’
- parents saying ‘u will never find happiness because we didnt agree to ur spouse’

By: Fathima Banu

Fathima Banu — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 10:13:34 +0000

1) If the brother will definitely come down to marry me as he’s been making promises from a lng time

2) If I’ll be able to satisfy himin every way and hold his attention as his only wife

3) If he will not divorce me and make a laughing stock of me

By: YourSis

YourSis — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 09:40:01 +0000

# What’s your biggest fear?

That I won’t get married because the brothers don’t even see me. They think I am too active to ever marry.

# What’s your worry?

That I will marry someone abusive like my parents were to me.
That I will show my love to my husband and my children how love was shown in my family.
That I will become like my parents.

# What do you stay up at night worrying about?

How do I build a normal relationship with my spouse? Will I ever get married? How do I deal with my loneliness?

By: A Worried brother

A Worried brother — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 08:52:57 +0000

Assalamu alaykum,

There haven’t been many brothers who have posted and of those not many have been really comprehensive. So I think I’ll try and explain to you some concerns from a young brother alhamdulillah.

My Biggest Fear: I’m going to be explicit. I think this is not being able to physically satisfy her desire. That she doesn’t reach her climax and thus this is actually a lawful grounds for divorce in Shari’ah. It would really hurt me if this happened.

What I worry about: That stupid mahr. That she is totally perfect Masha Allah, great deen, akhlaaq, life goals and everything but the silly woman wants a $2000 dowry. I’m sorry, it’s just not happening. Why can’t women understand men don’t like giving massive dowry’s? She can have everything she wants after marriage – no problem at all – but the mahr feels like I’m paying for her to be mine, like her dad’s selling her off to me and I don’t really want to buy a woman. The smaller the dowry the more blessed the marriage. Why can’t they just ask for something blessed like Madarij As-Salikeen or Fath ul Baari? It’d be so cool to give my wife that as a mahr (insha Allah).

My other worry is that she won’t want to pay for a single thing after marriage. Not even the groceries once, or any medication I needed say I fell ill and was unable to walk out the house. I hope she gives me a break once in a while and surprises me by saying: “I’ll pay” at the counter really enthusiastically and genuinely. That would brighten up my day!

What do I stay up at night worrying about: Whether I will be able to financially sustain the marriage. That she gets frustrated because I’m poor, and for example that I can’t afford sending children to Islamic school and she starts to hate me for it because I can’t buy everything she wants.

Wallahu alim.

May Allah grant us successful marriages! Ameen.

By: striving4JANNAH

striving4JANNAH — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 05:13:45 +0000

What’s your biggest fear?
Would i be able to find someone compatible with me who my parents approve of. Is he really who he says he is? My husband being unfaithful. He eventually finds someone else.

What’s your worry?
My shourt comings. Would i be able to fulfill all my duties as a wife? Would i make him happy.

What do you stay up at night worrying about?
Would our marriage last? Divorce. My husband eventually getting bored and tired. The love is not there between us anymore.

By: AnonSister

AnonSister — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 04:18:46 +0000

my biggest fear and worries

- i wont be able to find the right guy and I will end up having to settle for someone just okay. Also, i wont be able to find a knowledgeable man good in deen and akhlaq and will probably end up alone

- Im always afraid that what if we fall out of love, or what if i am never fully into him? and i feel that my marriage is a compromise my whole life? what if hes a great guy but im just not that into him or the attraction is not there?

-what if i get sick of the guy and just don’t care for him the way i used to anymore?

- how do i stay true to myself and be a good wife at the same time? how can i balance marriage and a career. i want to raise my kids in a good muslim environment but also work and be a proactive member of our muslim community.

-what if i lose myself or my identity just being a good wife and taking care of the kids? how can i be true to myself and keep the marriage always alive.

- i dont ever want a day to go by where we are n ot into each other and we are just bored of each other

-I would want us to motivate one another to become better muslims and support one another rather than control each other.

By: K

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 03:10:31 +0000

AS Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu

Bismillah…..

My biggest fear is DIVORCE, I don’t want to have marriage number 1 or 2 or 3. I’ve waited 32 yrs to get married only to find that it was one big joke and disappointment. So for the sister who thinks she’s getting old at 22yrs old try being another 10 more years older…

I fear that my husband will not validate me or my feelings despite being obedient, submissive and that he will take me for granted because of his male ego and not appreciate what I have to offer in the relationship….

I fear in-law medlying, and also if I choose to marry someone outside my race who’s parents where not raised in the US that his family will control us or my husband/marriage to the point where my husband has to choose between his wife and family and that he is not man enough to respectfully stand up to his family and be obligated to his family. I no way would I tolerate him being disrespectful toward them. I fear his family/ mother tells him he’s going to Jahanam if he does not do what she commands him to do…

Someone who is not commited and not willing to work at it. I understand there will be days of challenges and that we will have to work at these challenges but I want to know that my other half is up for the commitment as I am. We live in a different day and time and brothers and sisters are not commited as people were during my parents and grandparent’s time which I learned they went through many trials and STILL stayed married. I feel the first problem we have we’ll want to just bail out. I feel that we muslims of the west have allowed certain bad practices of the west as it relates to relationships, infiltrate or supercede our deen. How about we go back to the Sunnah and knowing if we were to die tomorrow and Allah questioned us….Can we truly say, Ya Allah I did this fisibinillah….to prevent myself or this brother or sister from the fitnah of Dunyah….NO, we fear our parents from their bad practices through culture, what society thinks of us and what our friends think more than we fear Allah (SWT) in doing the right thing!!! Allah never changes the state/condition of a people until they change what is in themselves…..That means ME and YOU!!!If we are not following the Sunnah then what are we following???

By: Rashidah Abdul-Khabeer

Rashidah Abdul-Khabeer — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:42:54 +0000

When it comes to marriage…

What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is infidelity. It seems so easy these day for men to marry you, then just leave you for someone else without regret or recourse. Even the presence of state registered marriage, one can be dumped for another woman who accepts merely the contract. The masajd administration sanctions the marriage, but never determines the condition of the divorce woman or the family.

What’s your worry?
Not finding a Muslim man who wants a mature woman, or one who wants to really live Islam. I find today so many men want either a repressive brand of Islam or Islam lite.

What do you stay up at night worrying about?
Being alone.

By: muslima_abc

muslima_abc — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:00:35 +0000

My biggest fear: that I won’t be able to handle the stress of marriage, causing me to lose control and my grip on reality…

I sometimes worry about ending up with a husband who is physically or emotionally abusive, who is easily angered, and who bosses me around and opresses me.

I don’t stay up late at night worrying about marriage alhamdullilah, but a worry that I do have is of ending up with a husband, maybe out of family pressure due to my age and lack of matches, who I ultimately won’t love or even like, and who won’t like me. It’s sometimes said that love is something that grows after you marry. I believe this is true, but what if it doesn’t happen for me?

By: Hawa

Hawa — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 01:57:18 +0000

Assalamu Alaikum,

My biggest fears are not getting married to a Muslim man of good character, kindhearted and strong in deen. I’m also concerned about my biological clock stopping and not being able to have any children.

My worries are, that I will not be accepted by a prospects family, being abused by my husband after marriege. Concerned about my husband taking me for granted and not appreciating my efforts, not helping me at home if needed.

I stay awake at night sometimes, worrying about how to pay the bills.

Allah Hafiz

By: SarahOregonian

SarahOregonian — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 01:06:11 +0000

I fear that I die missing fajar prayers sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subhanallah…regardless of what I do, I miss/pray late fajar prayer at least once a MONTH! I have never done it intentionally, but I made so many promises and commitments with Allah that I would never miss a fajar prayer…but, for some reason I end up missing it or praying late sometimes. I even reached a point where I doubted my Iman and renewed my shahada couple of times cuz I just don’t understand why I miss fajar sometimes when I sleep committed 100% getting up for it….even early to pray sunnah! Subhannallah, I can’t imagine what I would tell Allah if I was to die tonight regarding my habitual missing/lateness to fajar.

Did anyone have this problem and can you share with me what you have done and if it worked for you…cuz subhanallah, I just think I letted Alrajim to win over me!

FEARFUL!!!!!!!!!

(please give me all the feed-back you can give on this cuz it concerns me ALOT). I

By: TrustingAllah

TrustingAllah — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 00:18:01 +0000

BismilAllah, Aslam alikum

# What’s your biggest fear?
Not finding the right person who matches my requirements (i have 4 or 5 of them). Then ending up settling for someone else and living a marriage in regret (that i did not marry the person i wanted).

# What’s your worry?
That the person i do find does not meet my expectations and vice versa

# What do you stay up at night worrying about?
That all of this could be a test from Allah that i end up failing Or Allah tests me by getting married to the person i do not want.

May Allah help us all.

By: BNDGR

BNDGR — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 22:28:30 +0000

Asalam alaikum,
My biggest fear in regards to mairrage is that I would not find someone I truly loved and had a strong connection to, due to the fact that I would not be able to get to know them and spend alot of time with them. Also since I have kids and am divorced I was really afraid of finding someone who had all the values and deen that I was looking for and also would love and truly care for my kids too.
Also being a new Muslim I would think and think that maybe I would not be accepted by his family since I am divorced. Also too I was afraid of marrying someone who might be very religious which is good, but at the same time I see some muslim sisters who after getting married thier husbands don’t allow them to have any sort of life still. I realize that fitnah is all around but the brothers have to trust thier wives to be out with other sisters and to socialize and grow in thier deen also.
I can’t see myself being just in my house 24/7, I wouldn’t survive that kind of confinement.
Inshallah my husband and I will have trust in eachother and good communication and also I want him to teach me and inshallah for us both to grow in our deen and faith and love.

By: Aisha

Aisha — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 22:20:20 +0000

What’s your biggest fear? That our marriage won’t be one in which I am respected and appreciated and loved. That it won’t be one which brings happiness to both me and my husband. And also that even with this unhappy situation, we won’t be able to divorce because of other factors (e.g. children, money, etc). Then we would be stuck in an unhappy relationship until either of us passes away.

What’s your worry? That I won’t make a good decision in terms of a choice of a husband. That before marriage there was something about him that I should have learned or paid attention to (like a warning sign that he wasn’t the right one for me), but I didn’t and after marriage it would have been too late.

What do you stay up at night worrying about? That my marriage will end up like that of my parents, which is basically the situation I described in the previous two questions.

By: bintfulan

bintfulan — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:42:00 +0000

Salam

My biggest fear is settling for someone who is not as strong in their deen or as enthusiastic in their deen. I think this is a big thing for a woman who seeks someone either at a similar or higher level of commitment to the deen in their spouse.

By: a wife

a wife — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:43:45 +0000

When it comes to marriage…

* What’s your biggest fear? our marriage becoming just a statistic [marriage ending in divorce].

* What’s your worry? that we wont have a happy married life and it’ll end in divorce

* What do you stay up at night worrying about? that my husband doesnt love me anymore, he’s fallen out of love.

By: butteekhah

butteekhah — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:51:52 +0000

When it comes to marriage…

- What’s your biggest fear?
*That I’ll rush into something and have regrets*

- What’s your worry?
*So many failed attempts of friends and family members*

- What do you stay up at night worrying about?
*Is my naseeb really out there? If I say yes to one brother, is there someone else who is actually better for me?*

By: bint khalid

bint khalid — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:46:06 +0000

I also fear that I will never become a good Muslim. I try so hard, but the environment I am living in has so many bad influences (music, tv, bad behaviors of other people, bad role models, unislamic ideas and actions, bid’ah, too much demanding physical work that leaves little time and energy for ibaadah or seeking Islamic knowledge, etc.). I need Allah’s help, a more Islamic environment, and someone who is a pious and righteous Muslim who can help me to become a better Muslim and to do righteous deeds. I have so many good deeds that I want to do, but I have to get married first for me to do them. For example, I just want to try to raise some pious and righteous Muslim children who are pleasing to Allah SWT and send them to a Qur’an school where they can become huffazz of Qur’an or aalims. I also want to teach Islam and Qur’an to children, but because of present circumstances, I cannot do that. I want to live a more Islamic lifestyle, which I can’t fully do while living in someone else’s house. I fear that I will never be able to do these and other good deeds in my lifetime because of my present situation.

By: Lin

Lin — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:34:57 +0000

Biggest fear :

1. Both couple not being able to hold on to the marriage and face the challenges that WILL DEFINITELY comes with marriage.

2. Your spouse doesn’t have a realistic idea of what marriage is all about and what it takes to make a marriage work.

3. Couples don’t understand what it means when marriage is said half of iman.

Lin

By: Noor

Noor — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:59:47 +0000

Assalam Alaikum,

I just wanted to add one more thing:

I am glad this forum exists. Sometime I get so incredibly lonely I literelly ache with it. I begin to wonder if I am the only person feeling these oppressive weight of solitude. Some times I believe I might go mad with it. So when I come across comments that express exactly how I feel, well then I have that sense of things being okay. Of me being okay. And not some almost maritely depressed freakazoid. It also a relief to see that our brothers fear. That we, women, are not alone in our insecurities and frustrations. I know it is awfull to feel release at not being the only person on the vergse of frustrated misery. But it sure helps not to feel so abandoned in faith. I pray that Allah answers all our duas and makes this easy for us. May Allah bless all of you struggling to remain on the right path. Amin

By: Noor

Noor — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:37:59 +0000

What’s your biggest fear?

That Allah wont take my need to get married seriously and will not answer my duas. Or that he will answer my duas by placing a brother in front of me whom I do not want but feel obgliged to accept because I am running out of time and really need to get married.

What’s your worry?
That I will make a poor choice. That I will be a brother’s poor choice. That this husband will ruin my life. That I will ruin this brother’s life. That marriege will be a source of pain and struggle rather then one of peace and blessings. That marrieage will render me weak in faith rather than stronger in it.

What do you stay up at night worrying about?
That my faith is beggining to dissapear and I will end up doing something stupid. Like trying to get a boyfriend and converting him to Islam or something. That I am such a faulty person I am sure to end up in hell. That Allah is not taking my needs seriously and is ignoring my deasperate need to find someone to face this life with in faith and in conciousness.

Thank you for your work, brothers
May Allah bless you and reward your efforts

By: muslimgirl

muslimgirl — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:06:00 +0000

The biggest fear, is never finding the right match. The fear of thinking that finding him will be like winning the lottery…To accept the whole “concept of marriage” as if it only pertains to lucky people. I am a worrying about my age. Because the beauty of a woman is her youth. I am a worrying and aging sister and fearing that men will soon find me too old no matter how high my degree is. The fear of also losing my patience and just falling into haram. Not knowing how patient one should be? And displeasing Allah swt. Being single for 22 years in America is HARD. The society in the west is so sex drentched. The mere acceptance that I must just stay lonely and miserable and accept that he, motherhood, and my children only exists in my dreams and jennah.

By: Muslimagirl

Muslimagirl — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:39:34 +0000

What’s your biggest fear? That the marriage will not be a good happy marriage and that it will end in divorce.

What’s your worry? That my husband will somehow change into a different person who I don’t like/love. He will come with a different personality/attitude after the marriage.

What do you stay up at night worrying about? That I will end up all alone by not having my own family and home.

By: z

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:11:43 +0000

that he turns out to be not the good bro I knew of but quite the opposite,

I fear shortcomings from my self more than anything that I fall short in being an obedient patient wife and good daughter-in-law

I fear violence and from putting myself in an abusive relationship

I fear that Allah tests me coz of my sins, and anything bad i thought or said about others – and I fear Allah will test me with my words and thoughts thru him

I fear shortcomings in ebadah coz of my future spouse and children that i may not get up for fajr – coz of him

By: Jada

Jada — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:06:18 +0000

My biggest fear – (Only one???) I suppose, when it comes to the marriage relationship, my biggest fear is that the man will not turn out to be who he represented himself to be, before the marriage. As I have seen men do this “complete personality change” many times, and it seems to be a common practice, for many men, to simply lie, or at least not be totally honest and forthcoming about who they really are, and what they really want, in order to “get what they want” from women. And if he is who he says he is, he will be someone who really loves and cares about me, who will always act on behalf of my best interests and well being. Not someone who just wants to “use or abuse” me. A man truly has the power to place a woman in “Hell” if chooses to, and that is not a place I want to go!

Worry – (Once again, only one??) I probably worry most, that the person who fell “in love” with me, will “fall out of love” at some point. Especially if they are around me every day, and have thus gotten to know about all my faults and failings.

What do I lose sleep over? – Probably, at this point, it’s children and grandchildren, that I worry about, the most… Will they be alright? Have I done enough for them? Is there anything more I can do, to protect the ones I love? (I would always hope that my mate would have the same concerns, priorities, and “worries” as myself. Because we’re supposed to be “partners”, working together on the same things, in life. Otherwise, what good is the partnership? And for me, family is the top priority.)

By: umtaufiq

umtaufiq — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:52:00 +0000

The biggest fear is Insha Allah, I get married again, that the brother doesn’t have mental problems. We all have our on issuses but many people in America have real mental problems. They aren’t detected right away , and the signs of mental illness are slight. Islam has define certain behaviors that people think are ok as mental illness as well. Serious ones at that. Well, JazakAllah for allowing me to put in my two cents and Insha Allah I am going to enroll in your program as soon as I am able.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:33:00 +0000

al salam ‘alaykum,

simply put, the fear of being part of the statistics (again) that keep increasing even amongst the muslims, i.e. divorce.

Marrying someone who does not take his responsibilities seriously, i.e. is negligent of them.

Going through the same fitnah and interference from my family and esp. extended relatives of my father.

More than anything, I am not sure if who I would be good for and when, and I don’t want someone to tell me that he “picked me up” like as if from the ground and thus, raised me up, i.e. that he is did a fair by marrying me, or as if only I will have needed him, and not both ways.

By: Sad Muslimah

Sad Muslimah — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:10:44 +0000

My biggest fear is finding a decent man who will accept me for my disability.

The one thing i worry constantly day and night is never getting married because muslim men are rejecting me due to my disabiltiy its not fair that they have to constantly judge a good woman based on her beauty alone or her physical appearance whatever happened to choosing a person on their deen and character. They claim that they want a good muslimah who fears her creator and practises her but in reality this is a lie. Dispite of my pracising the deen for my creator and wanting to better myself as a muslim iam turned down for disability alone. I hope the sheikes discusses this matter and i pray that alot of men who attend open their eyes and realise that their are so many good sisters like myself who are desperate to complete their deen and they need to accpet us because allah never created anyone to be perfect. Walahi i never knew that muslim men were such a shallow people even a non muslim man would never choose a person based on looks alone.

By: shortie

shortie — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:08:36 +0000

Biggest Fear- My marriage will end in divorce
Worry- my husband changing after marriage
stay up at night worrying- if i will be able to blance house work, kids and other responsibility, if my husband will play an impt part in house work or not

By: bint khalid

bint khalid — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 16:00:00 +0000

I have already tried internet islamic matrimonial sites with no result. The quality people never answer and I only get replies from people who are not quality.

I also tried Practimate for the 30 day free trial. I liked it very much and I plan to insha Allah register for it as soon as membership opens again. However, I am 37 years old and never married. The matches I got on Practimate were 21-31 years old. That age group is not interested in a woman who is 37. I am afraid that if I don’t find a husband soon, there will be even less chance for me to find one a few years from now.

By: nahla

nahla — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:58:45 +0000

Biggest Fear:
That in choosing to get married to this person, I’ve made a mistake. That there is someone else out there who is more compatible with me & who I’ll have more chemistry with. This ties in with the fact that in doing things the halaal way, I don’t know if I will feel love toward my spouse or if we will have a happy & satisfying relationship.

Worry:
Financial instability; struggling with finances so that we won’t be able to travel or buy certain things.

Stay up Worrying:
I worry that I’m going to lose all my freedom, and my personal goals in life I won’t be able to achieve because i’ll have to be so busy cooking, cleaning & taking care of kids & a husband and I’ll have to put my goals & dreams last.
I also stay up worrying about my biggest fear.

By: random_muslimah

random_muslimah — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 15:31:18 +0000

JM: loosen up a bit ok? he means he’s scared of having a wife influenced by the negative and haram culture of the west. quit comparing the east and the west. they are two different societies.

By: K

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:53:28 +0000

Lately another one of my worries has been settling for someone who is not suitable because I am realizing what I want is too difficult to find. The one that scares me the most is settling for someone who is not religious.

By: K

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:47:08 +0000

My biggest worry is restriction. I’ve gone almost my whole life making decisions for myself and the fact that I will have to have my husband’s permission makes me worried about “what if my husband does not agree to my wishes and desires?” I hope to have the patience to handle this oneday.

By: Hmmm

Hmmm — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:24:29 +0000

My biggest fear: To be married to a man concerned so much with dunya and justifying his wrong actions over others that i become immune to the wrongs myself.

Worry: getting caught up in the web of interest and dealing with haram, earning haram and eating from that which is haram. The subtleties, the things everyone will euphemise and gloss over but it affects us greatly in the sight of Allah.

What do you stay up at night worrying about?
That marriage will blind me and distract me from the hereafter and the reckoning. That my heart will harden because of my distractions and lack of relationship with Allah. That i will forget that which we should prioritise and settle for less and forget the sunnah and its importance.

By: Hafsa

Hafsa — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:00:22 +0000

My biggest fear is that one clear sunny morning I will roll over in bed stare at his sleeping face and be completely and utterly disgusted with him, for whatever reason. I mean I can`t stand him and I am stuck in a marriage that I have to work on for the sake of my children.

By: khowf

khowf — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:59:27 +0000

I worry that I will marry a man too good for me and I will never be able to fulfill his rights and I will always wrong him unknowingly.

or that I will marry a man who leads me to become a worse muslim, but with laughs etc so I won’t feel the sickness (eman going down) thats growing within me.

I fear that marriage is a bit insecure- If his mom doesnt like me and wants us to divorce- she can get that done

What if marriage is boring two people in an empty house- I have a busy life with my big family- what if theres nothing to talk about with this person I marry and then what- we’ll be bored of each other.

I wonder what if I can’t have kids, what would I do- I wouldnt want to wrong him and prevent him from being a father.

What if HE cant have kids, then what- I dunno .. maybe I just shouldnt bother getting married?

Whats really lame is that every time someone asks for me, it strains the relationship between me and my father. I love him and he loves me and we are always so close EXCEPT when there is someone asking for me- then he is angry with me.. I dont know why it makes me sad

By: bint khalid

bint khalid — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:59:08 +0000

I want to have my own house and family. I love my parents and my family and I want to help take care of my parents, but I also don’t want to live forever with my parents and my brother’s family. I want my own life.

By: bint khalid

bint khalid — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 13:56:00 +0000

My biggest fear is that I will never get married. And maybe I will become so desperate that I will marry someone who is not good. If I don’t get married, then I will have to go back to college and then get a job and work in this kafir country surrounded by kafirs; I would hate that. I also don’t want to marry people from my ethnic background because I have seen countless examples of bad behaviors,attitudes, bid’ah, and irreligiousness in them. And every woman that I have seen married to this ethnic group look so unhappy and depressed.