You can make your response as short or as long as you want.
Please tell me:
When it comes to marriage…
- What’s your biggest fear?
- What’s your worry?
- What do you stay up at night worrying about?
The worries or fears do NOT have to be
rational. They can be completely irrational.
Remember to use your nickname to
keep your response 100% confidential.
When it comes to marriage…
What’s your biggest fear? My husband would fall into some type of haram and I would be too shy to say anything about it, in a nice way. Or that he would fall out of love with me =(
What’s your worry? That we’re not ‘meant for each other’
What do you stay up at night worrying about? If I’ll be a good wife or not!
| Comment #1 | Posted by: BiggestFear | 6:42 pm
My biggest fears are:
1. Not finding someone that I can connect with & that my parents approve of.
2. Having my heart broken by rejection (either a guy rejecting me, or my parents rejecting him).
3. Divorce.
| Comment #2 | Posted by: bint | 6:45 pm
Al salam alikom
Jazakum Allah khyran for all your efforts
My biggest fear when it comes to marriage .. the one that keeps me up at night and even crying is that ….
My mother is not religious and doesn’t want me to get married to a religious man .. whenever I get a proposal from a religious person she acts in a way that make him run away …
| Comment #3 | Posted by: Muslimah | 6:48 pm
biggest fear….. not being physically attracted to my spouse and not being able to fullfill all the rights of my spouse in order to be a good wife.
| Comment #4 | Posted by: lu'lu' | 6:49 pm
Biggest fear(s):Having met many liars previously.. I fear I might end up with a pathological liar..
And that then it’d be too late..
Or meeting a hypocrite and falling for him thinking he is sincere
My worry: Nothing right now..
What I stay up at night worrying about: nothing about marriage or love.. worry about memorisation and how to keep steadfast
| Comment #5 | Posted by: Bint Adam | 6:58 pm
Biggest fear:
-divorce, again
-personality clash
-being too religious or not religious enough compared to my prospective spouse
-being alone
Worry:
-personal illnesses and conditions getting in the way
-faith running low thus causing problems in finance and raising children
I stay up at night and worry:
-challenging conflicts between spouses
-making marriage life compatible with my community work
-leaving righteous children who are leaders
Insha Allah, I’ll post more fears if they come
| Comment #6 | Posted by: Salsa | 7:01 pm
Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatahu,
My biggest fear about mariage is (God forbid) to not being able to find my ideal hubby ( someone that I can deeply connect to on emotional, spiritual and physical level)
my worry: setteling for less than my ideal husband (that I have as a vision)
wassalam
| Comment #7 | Posted by: CanadianMuslima | 7:02 pm
biggest worry/fear: not being able to get married because of lack of good practicing brothers in my community. And having my husband finding my unattractive. My in-laws, especially mother in law, not being fond of me.
| Comment #8 | Posted by: muslimah | 7:06 pm
When it comes to marriage…
What’s your biggest fear?
Id say my biggest fear is that the hubby will change after marriage and turn into this beastly character and I would just wonder what happened to this person! I cant live with this, its not attractive!!
What’s your worry?
My worry…Um PHYSICAL appearance,not just the face but maintenance, body, dressing up and face! That i wont find somebody upto my liking?
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
I stay up at night worrying about…silly little things like my last 5 lbs? or hair removal and maintenance after marriage!
| Comment #9 | Posted by: la la la | 7:08 pm
Asalam Alikum,
My Biggest fear is not being able to let go and trust Allah to make the right decision for me. To make isti7′ara and surrender my fate.
I worry about … everything. Making the right choice.
Salam
| Comment #10 | Posted by: Muslima | 7:13 pm
Salaam
What’s your biggest fear? What’s your worry? What do you stay up at night worrying about?
All three questions for me point towards the worry of me not gettig married, of being alone, of not finding or having a suitable proposal.
| Comment #11 | Posted by: ba | 7:16 pm
My biggest fear:
That even after promising me certain things (like studying), my husband will put it off or make excuses to delay it until it’s no longer feasible.
I’m most afraid of being disappointed so much that I’ll no longer have anything to look forward to.
I’m terrified of losing my individuality and personality because of my husband ‘molding’ me into the type of wife he wants.
I’m scared that when trying to be a good wife and making sacrifices for the sake of my marriage, eventually I’ll lose all my hopes and dreams.
| Comment #12 | Posted by: RandomGirl | 7:27 pm
I worry about getting married to a woman who:
1- will not care what I do for a living (ie not support me in my teaching, education, and trying to help others),
2- or belittles what I do to get closer to Allah, subhanahu wa ta’Ala, like prayer and studying.
Overall, I guess I worry about being with someone who, rather than wanting to get closer to Allah with me, wants to stand between me and Allah. In addition to this, I would not want to be married to someone who was constantly complaining, or argumentative.
There are faults in all of us, but I pray that Allah, subhanahu wa ta’Ala, grants me a woman who realizes that this journey ends with Him and may Allah also grant me the ability to take care of such a woman.
| Comment #13 | Posted by: Cali-Muslim | 7:37 pm
how old are you, brother? What age group you looking to marry? Requirements?
| Comment #13.1 | Posted by: wad | 12:38 am
What’s your biggest fear? that my husband would be overprotective and hold an “ownership” type status over me. or that my parents would marry me to some naive, way too shy, fool.
What’s your worry? that i wont ever find anyone to love me for the sake of allah and ill wind up living my life alone and miserable.
What do you stay up at night worrying about? my worry ^ and physical maintenance after marriage.
not the worlds best answers.. but these were from my heart. =)
| Comment #14 | Posted by: seeee | 7:38 pm
my biggest fears are;
1. being rejected
2. not being able to find someone who is compatible with me..e.g. i would want someone who would encourage me or even take islamic courses with me rather than prevent me from doing courses…basically his level of religious activity.
3. lastly the thought that once i get married i’m gonna have to be a housewife!!
| Comment #15 | Posted by: me1 | 7:43 pm
That my husband will not be physcially attracted to me once we get married if I cant look perfect all the time, or if he finds certain physical flaws in me. That he wont think Im pretty during pregnancy and the physical imperfections that come with it. As a result, he will be turned off of me.
That I wont have any time or energy left over because I would be too busy worrying if I look good enough for him so he doesnt look at other women.
| Comment #16 | Posted by: D | 7:45 pm
When it comes to marriage…
* What’s your biggest fear?
That my husband lied to me during the arranging process and the man I have married does not in any shape or form resemble the man he and his family advertised.
* What’s your worry?
That I won’t know or be able to fulfill what is expected of me as a wife and daughter-in-law.
* What do you stay up at night worrying about?
That we have no chemistry, and that his level of Islam is grossly different to mine.
| Comment #17 | Posted by: mm22 | 7:57 pm
When it comes to marriage…
- What’s your biggest fear? That my husband will not find me attractive or interesting enough to stay with.
- What’s your worry? If my husband will really genuinely care about me and protect me.
- What do you stay up at night worrying
about? That I will never find a husband who appreciates me for who I am, how I look, and me being too shy to open up to him.
| Comment #18 | Posted by: Maleeka | 8:09 pm
biggest fear: Not being able to marry a religious brother.
worry: If I marry someone what happens if he lied about what kind of person he was and its not until the honey moon phase of marriage ends that I find out.
What do you stay up at night worrying about: This is my biggest issue right now. Will I get married anytime in the near future or will I have to wait another couple of years until I find someone, or worse what if I don’t find someone who is practicing and I marry someone cultural my family chooses.
| Comment #19 | Posted by: Pearl | 8:12 pm
What’s your biggest fear?
Into the marriage realizing I have selected Mr. Wrong while I thought he was Mr. Right. Not being able to compromise.
What’s your worry?
Knowing 100% I have selected the best person for me w/o regrets.
| Comment #20 | Posted by: muslimah | 8:14 pm
waleikum salam my dear reader
my biggest fear is to settle down..
to imagine that i lay my feet on the ground and i can’t move anymore..
that it closes me up from being me and puts me in a box of a whole lot responsibilities that dont let me bloom like a flower.. that i give in someone totally that disapoints me completely..
that someone is just rational and thinkin about the things that need to be done except the things that matter to a womans heart! Marriage should be build on love from both side and respect and guidance and where u can lay ur head on.. but it afraids me that people just wanne be married bc they wanne be married and then they unhappy one curses the other out what a life..
muslim men dont live life like they should they put their traditions or cultures first and then their religion …
to me that dont work well with harmony bc allah gave us all guidance we need and he told us to be gentle with each other and to treat each other with respect and good.. bc he is harmony!!!
and love..but we dont use the good abilities we have instead we use on our fear…or our fear takes over us.. like mine.. and so we destructed but dont know even know why…
assalam aleikum brothers and sisters
| Comment #21 | Posted by: Ghezale Hafiza | 8:14 pm
fear: that I’ll never get married or will end up divorced and worse off than now.
worry: that if I do get married I’ll make the wrong choice; or that there are just no suitable brothers and even if there are none will propose to me. Also that I don’t know how to interpret istikharas.
night worry: that my parents will keep having ‘bad-dream’ istikharas and never agree to anyone and I’ll end up alone, or that I’ll end up with some really old unattractive husband that was finally approved of after I was already over the hill.
| Comment #22 | Posted by: me | 8:37 pm
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu,
Litreally I’ve been living in a cave I am old fashionned tee-adult (I’ve been into a restaurant 4 times my entire life)and I am afraid he might think am not cool enough and oh my dark circles.Being a bad parent,my parents are Alhamdulilah not so perfect but better than most wa lilahilhamd I am afraid that I might bring some of their -ve parenting when I rear my own children even if I tried hard not to.His parents might dislike me because of my lack of manners.
| Comment #23 | Posted by: Oj | 8:38 pm
What’s your worry?
That after marriage my husband will fall out of love with me; not find me attractive or physically appealing. Basically have expectations and dreams of what I am like, that are not reality
What’s your biggest fear?
Marrying a man who is mean, cruel, mentally/ physically abusing and being stuck in a loveless abusive relationship that is nothing like the Sunnah.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
All of the above, and if I will ever meet the right Muslim husband for me!
| Comment #24 | Posted by: Zzzzz | 8:39 pm
I have a few fears. One being that the person of my choice, his family will not like me and if we do get married, they might not ever fully accept me and the image I hold of a good relationship with in-laws will be shattered.
But my biggest fear is that my husband might fall out of love with me, or worse, in love with another woman and want a second marriage. I would NOT be able to handle my husband with another woman. Even though it may be his right to have 4 wives, I cannot bear the thought of him loving another woman.
| Comment #25 | Posted by: young.muslimah | 8:42 pm
22. Maleeka said:
When it comes to marriage…
- What’s your biggest fear? That my husband will not find me attractive or interesting enough to stay with.
- What’s your worry? If my husband will really genuinely care about me and protect me.
- What do you stay up at night worrying
about? That I will never find a husband who appreciates me for who I am, how I look, and me being too shy to open up to him.
| Comment #26 | Posted by: Amatullah | 8:43 pm
My biggest fear: That I am married to an amazing human being, but who has the concept of Allah all wrong and is into shirk, without acknowledging it.
My biggest worry: That my daughter (and future) children will also become mushriks (may Allah protect us and bless us with hidayah)
I stay up at night: Upset that I havent stood up to my husband and his believes although I know I am in the right, and that Allah will soon abandon me…(may Allah give me the guts to open up)
| Comment #27 | Posted by: mum | 8:44 pm
What’s your biggest fear?
Getting married to an abusive man
- What’s your worry?
That i may not be the perfect wife in my husband’s eyes
- What do you stay up at night worrying
about?
How will i find a spouse that is like minded in this country
| Comment #28 | Posted by: Kayah | 8:45 pm
Assalaamu’aleykum warahmatullaah
When it comes to marriage…
- What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is not being compatible with my husband and running out of conversations and things to say. Or always talking about the same old boring stuff. And not being able to see things the same as my husband would or vice versa.
- What’s your worry?
I worry about my husband not agreeing with what I have to say about our children and him eventually falling out of love with me.
- What do you stay up at night worrying
about?
Will I ever marry a man that shares the same interests as me and wants to get married to me for the sake of Allaah or am I going to end up like my sisters who married their husbands just because they had to get married so went for the easiest options.
| Comment #29 | Posted by: ummsakinah | 9:03 pm
When it comes to marriage…
my biggest fear is that I will be forced to marry someone I don’t connect with…my biggest fear, which has come true already, is that the guy’s family will not approve because they want someone younger like a 21 year old…my biggest fear is that whomever I marry is not going to be the person I got to know prior to marriage…
my worries are my fears…
I stay up at night thinking am I meant for marriage; is it ever going to happen; if it hasn’t happened yet maybe its not for me;
| Comment #30 | Posted by: mercury | 9:11 pm
My biggest fear?
1- DIVORCE, obviously the numero uno fear in every married muslimah
2- Being a bad mom and failing to raise the children as good muslims, – again, another biggest fear in every muslim mother
3- … hmm… probably his anger. I just don’t like to see him displeased. After all, he IS the love of my life
| Comment #31 | Posted by: Sanji | 9:13 pm
1) Losing my faith due to being dedicated to my husband, children, and family, especially if he is less religious than me.
2) Not feeling loved and cared for emotionally and romantically.
3) Divorce
| Comment #32 | Posted by: Pakisuga | 9:16 pm
And not meeting the right person, and ending up alone.
| Comment #33 | Posted by: Pakisuga | 9:17 pm
What’s your biggest fear?
Not findind my husband physically attractive.
What’s your worry?
That my husband may not be a clean/well mannered person. Cleanliness is half of faith
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
If I make the wrong choice first time around, there’s no guarantee I’ll get another chance. May Allah (swt) help us all make the right decisions to help us in this life and the next.
| Comment #34 | Posted by: abc | 9:18 pm
1) What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is in the long run: being unhappy and bitter; Not living in harmony/peace; Losing the zeal that I have for Islam right now.
2) What’s your worry?
This one is a little irrational, but getting into fights with my future spouse. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’m afraid of tension and sour feelings, because eventually they breed contempt and disharmony. And ultimately we become bitter and/or (a’oodhubillah) divorce. I also worry about lack of communication between us and dealing with potentially difficult in-laws.
3) What do you stay up at night worrying about?
Alhamdulillah, everything is in Allah’s hands. But sometimes I find myself worrying about how to have a halaal wedding (without the music and other cultural garbage). Also, finances: could we afford a decent place to live without the riba mortgage? Thirdly, would my future spouse be on the same page as me with regards to religious aspirations? What if their bad habit rubs off on you?
May Allah azzawajal grant us all righteous spouses that will encourage us to piety and give us tawakkul and sabr until we find them inshaa’Allah. ameen, thumma ameen. JazakAllahu Khayrun yaa ahl-ul-Practimate for helping us…
| Comment #35 | Posted by: inshAllah_muttaqi | 9:27 pm
When it comes to marriage…
What’s your biggest fear? That no man will truely love me, and that I would be forgotten and left alone as though not married in first place.
What’s your worry? Being hurt or rejected,treated like a burden and not appreciated but used and discarded.
What do you stay up at night worrying about? That I will die alone,that it is to late now to hope for marriage.
| Comment #36 | Posted by: Ahdia | 9:28 pm
Afraid of…
-a husband who doesn’t take his deen seriously
worried about…
-not finding a husband who will really understand me and respect me for who i am, and thus not support my goals in life
stay up all night worrying about…
-if there is even anyone like that out there for me ???
| Comment #37 | Posted by: bulbul | 9:30 pm
Asalamualiakum,
My biggest fears/worries are plenty, alhamdullilah
1) Parents are not religious, and I would like a practicing brother inshAllah. How will the ‘networking’ happen? May Allah sw guide us all!
2) Family clash; if and when the marriage happens
3) Will I be able to fulfill my rights as a spouse?
4) University and marriage; can I do both at the same time?
May Allah sw make it easy on all of us!
| Comment #38 | Posted by: Student | 9:39 pm
Bismillah– my biggest fear is that when the person of the deen comes along, I’ll reject him for a wordly reason.
–my biggest worry is that I have been looking for a long time now for the simple man who’d be able to understand me and love me as a wife the way Allah has created me.. I worry that I’ll get tired of being able to even consider anyone..
– What keeps me up at night is not marriage.
| Comment #39 | Posted by: Thyme | 9:46 pm
Assalamualikum,
When it comes to marriage…
- What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear: I feel that I won’t be able to emotionally connect with the person..and that won’t be fair. i picture disaster when i think about it.
- What’s your worry?
Worry: Islamically-is it ok for me to postpone marriage as late as I want knowing age might interfere with bearing children.
| Comment #40 | Posted by: someone | 9:51 pm
My biggest fear is not having attraction for my spouse. Not having any passion in the marriage. I fear without the passion and attraction and connection, a marriage that could be depressing and unhappy even leading to being miserable. I am often told that after marriage love happens, but i fear what if it doesn’t happen?
| Comment #41 | Posted by: raniya | 9:52 pm
AsalamuAlaikum,
I fear…
-that as time goes by and I get older, brothers will think I am “too old” to marry. I have been looking FOREVER and the more time that goes by, I just feel like I will have to end up settling for whoever wants to marry me.
| Comment #42 | Posted by: Sister in USA | 10:11 pm
1. Biggest fear:
Not finding the right spouse. Not being able to connect and communicate with him and him subsequently leaving me for another wife.
2. Worry:
I constantly worry about not being able to have children though I medically have no reason to fear about this issue.
3. What keeps me up at night is wondering how I will take care of my parents once I get married.
| Comment #43 | Posted by: mujahida7 | 10:14 pm
my biggest fear is marrying the wrong person for me. not being able to get along after marriage. I worry about not being close enough to family.
| Comment #44 | Posted by: Layla | 10:28 pm
# What’s your biggest fear? i don’t want to change when i get married , i want to be as close to my family as i was before
# What’s your worry? that i wont stay in touch with my family , and I’ll be too preoccupied with my marriage and become selfish
# What do you stay up at night worrying about?I try not too, whatever happens god willing , I’ll come out of it stronger
| Comment #45 | Posted by: someone | 10:33 pm
As salaamu alaikum;
Biggest fear(s):
1- That I will be rejected because of a health condition
2- That my spouse will abuse my daughter after we have trusted him
3- That marriage/my spouse will put me in a “wifey” box and not appreciate me, or will discourage me from expressing all the other things I am and can do
4- That he will turn out not to be as religious as he presented himself to be
5- That I will loose my self” in trying to be a good spouse
My worry:
That I will spend the rest of my life ( I am 49 now), unmarried
What I stay up at night worrying about:
Will I be able to avoid jahannum, and will my ibaadah ever be pleasing enough to Allah so that He will let me into jannah?
| Comment #46 | Posted by: Ukhti M | 10:41 pm
well my biggest fear is that he would fall into something haram. he would not be practing Islam like he said, would be a bad person overall.
| Comment #47 | Posted by: kifash1 | 10:44 pm
As Salaamu Alaykum,
What is your biggest fear about marriage?
My biggest fear with getting married is getting a divorce. I was previously married to a very, very knowledgable brother who implemented almost none of what he learned. He was like that star that quided people but at the same time burning himself out. I was truly ready to settle down and masha Allah, he was not. I also fear that my husband will be obsessed with this dunya, i.e the kuffar women, cars, clothing, status, etc…
What is your biggest worry?
I worry the most about compatibility. It is very important for me to be able to verbally communicate and display affection to/with my spouse. I do not deal well with tention and my spouse being upset with me, so I need to also feel secure with that person. I need to know that even if we disagree, we can still have a sensible conversation.
What keeps me up at night?
That I am getting older and could possibly be single for some more years because of my fears and worries. And thus far end up being in my thirties and less likely to bear children with my spouse. I would idealy like to be married @ least 5yrs before having children.
| Comment #48 | Posted by: AMATULLAH | 10:59 pm
The biggest fear that I have is that my parents would marry me off (or at least put social pressure on me to do so) to a person who is not religiously committed.
I can think of making every compromise, but not when it comes to religion. The fact that some husbands demand unconditional obedience (even when they ask you to go against the law of Allah (asking a women to remove hijab is a common example)) worries me, because I just can’t figure out a way to put up with such a person.
| Comment #49 | Posted by: hiba | 11:02 pm
-Marrying someone that will not be right for me or me for him.
-Will I be able to love or care about him as much as a wife should?
-Who is right for me and will I ever find him?
| Comment #50 | Posted by: Diba | 11:11 pm
1. Will the marriage work out?
2. will i be able to put up with new settings?
3. will i be able to listen to and obey my husband or will i fail? (since its different than your parents)
4. Will one day my husband will divorce me out of anger?
| Comment #51 | Posted by: USA Sister | 11:34 pm
* That I’ve been too picky and lost my chances.
* That all the good ones are already taken.
* That I’m too old (a 27 year old woman!). –> is there something “wrong” with me that I have yet to find a spouse?
* That I am not worthy (in deen, beauty, etc.) of the type of person I’d like to marry.
* That I’ll end up “settling” for someone out of fear that I have no other options left, only to end up resenting them later, unable to respect them as the head of my household, thereby incurring the disdain of Allah, subhana wa ta’ala.
* That I won’t ever get married and remain a burden on my parents (they’re the ones that are up at night worrying!).
* That I will (have to) put my life on hold until I marry.
* Biggest fear: REJECTION — putting myself out there in emotionally vulnerable situations, only to have my authentic self rejected by potentials.
| Comment #52 | Posted by: single in suburbia | 11:34 pm
getting HIV
marrying a person who is not serious about the deen.
my family
his family
becoming a single mother
divorce
not being able to finish school
ending up not marrying him.
becoming a widow
my children becoming orphaned by my death or his.
| Comment #53 | Posted by: mariam | 11:41 pm
*Losing our prime focus in the marriage
*Being on different pages when we raise kids and not being able to cooperate
**That some ‘flaw’ I overlooked when we get married will actually become a nightmare issue
*Not being able to differentiate between things that I should stand up for and discuss with him or things that I should just forgive and move on for (because what if the little things grow bigger and I regret that)
| Comment #54 | Posted by: Her | 11:42 pm
Asalam waalikom.
My biggest fear would be that the person i want to marry isnt arab and my parents say no, only on that bases.. i wouldnt doubt this will happen. The culture clash between me and my parents is a lot bigger when it comes to marriage and the details of it all.
my worries would be that the person i want to marry may not fit in my family atmosphere (arab oriented) . Or that we might no longer love each other after the hype of our new marriage ends. Maybe, we would start regretting each other because we missed out on whatever. Or maybe we just get sick of each other for no reason. How do we keep that love alive? Or maybe we had this fantasy idea of what marriage would be like and when we find out the truth it doesnt settle well. maybe we have our hopes of marriage at a different standard. Maybe im not his kind of wife?
i stay up at night mainly worring about the fact that i know my parents culture so well but its nothing like my own, and i know they want me to marry an arab so bad but in reality i dont like the arab culture nor am i attracted to most arabs. I dont like the traditions and i disagree with a lot of the culture, but unfortunatly my parents dont get that and they wouldnt accept a non arab becuase he wouldnt “fit” in our family because everyone is arab and speaks arabic. I want to marry a convert who knows what they beieve in and not a person who mixes culture and deen together and cant tell the difference. I wish my parents weren’t so close minded to an inter-racial marriage.
| Comment #55 | Posted by: muslimah12 | 12:13 am
My biggest fear is to get divorced again, I really hate the word divorce.
I really worry about time is flying and I still don’t have my family yet!
I also stay up at night worrying about being unsafe and lonely since it’s really time for me to get my last chance starting a relationship and finding a good husband, the one that I dreamed about and wonder if I WILL FIND HIM OR NOT?
jAZ Allah kheir for your effort.
| Comment #56 | Posted by: Souad | 12:13 am
WHAT’S MY BIGGEST FEAR?
What if…He turns-out to be someone different than, what was portrayed off him. He has a very bad temper and does not like to accommodate my feelings and values as his wife. What if he is a hypocrite and is not a practising muslim.
I want to marry someone who is on emaan and Allah fearing. One who loves to please Allah swt and loves to help others for His sake. My friends think that there is no such combination, i.e. Allah fearing and a caring husband. They think, I am not being realistic! But, I have prayed to Allah swt for just that and I have complete faith in Him, the All-Hearer and the All-Knower.
On the other hand, my brother thinks, I have a big head and should not ask for anything since it will be my second marriage. All I said was that I would like to marry someone who is Allah concious and a knwledgeable person/ or literate. He got very upset with that. I think, knowledge is a lucrative substance that helps a person to be more understanding and responsible and receptive of good. I understand what he meant( that I should not look for educated person and what comes with it, just focus on Allah fearing)…. but still I am afraid, he might force me to marry someone who can not understand me and be supportive!
Everything aside, what will happen if I have to relocate due to my marriage and because of Shared custody of my children, I am not able to. I don’t know if the law will allow me or not? I can not leave my childen to live with their father because of a loy of reasons…Will my to-be-husband or husband understand my situation and help me get through with this! Will he be patient with the whole process…because otherwise, it will become very difficult to handle! I know that I will not betray the trust or be dishonest to my husband.
May Allah swt help us all overcome our fears and adhere to His guidance, Ameen. May Allah swt give us the strength and wisdom to do the right thing and fear Him alone, Insha Allah.
| Comment #57 | Posted by: shakra | 12:18 am
What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is that I will wake up in several decades and realize that marrying this person was not worth moving far away from my family and my life. My biggest fear is that I will make the wrong decision and lose my life.
What’s your worry?
My worry is that my family will not accept my marriage/ my husband.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
At night I stay up worrying about how to compromise my future husband’s culture with the culture of my family… how to alleviate the anxieties on both sides and make people feel comfortable.
| Comment #58 | Posted by: Sara | 12:35 am
Fear: that my husband will prove to be overly dominating, belittling me as a person, making all of my decisions for me
Worry: That he has the wrong understanding of deen, and that an obedient wife is one who is a door mat for the husband
| Comment #59 | Posted by: Someone | 1:01 am
When it comes to marriage…
What’s your biggest fear?
–That I’m not going to end up with the right person. And the person I marry may not be “the one”. I am actually scared of commitment because I feel, as a woman, everything that I want to do with my life will be hindered.
What’s your worry?
–That I will find someone who seems to be upright in their Deen and their manners/character–but really when we get married, I find out that was all a show and he loses religiosity, manners and character.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
–How do I approach getting married in a way that is most pleasing to Allaah? With all these other things going on in my life, how will I find someone to get married to?
| Comment #60 | Posted by: HM | 1:02 am
When it comes to finding someone: I’m a complicated person, that will scare most guys off. In regards to culture,except for food, I do not like culture. But guys who are at least practicing the faith tend to be more cultural. As far as the converts, they are hard to recognize because they don’t “look” Muslim. I’m too religious for the regular guys out there, but not enough for the those who have a real connection with Allah. I’ve also noticed that some guys born to cultural families have it way to good and are disgustingly lazy and boring. I don’t see myself with anyone like that, the whole “parent-child” marriage is not going to happen.
When it comes to the actual marriage: will we be able to keep the focus? marriage is a contract, so I need to keep my emotional self in check. But how? Is it even possible? I’m deathly afraid of having kids, especially if I find I won’t be able to trust whoever my partner will be. I’m not the most knowledgeable, will I be able find a suitable place for any kids we have to learn arabic and the deen. how do we balance EVERYTHING?…our own continuance of education, developing our spirituality, work, family, personal goals and pursuits, etc.
| Comment #61 | Posted by: fears | 1:05 am
What’s your biggest fear?
That the wedding might be done in a not so halal manner (music/mixing/being forced to not wear hijab) and this will anger Allah and then there will be no barakah in the marriage.
What’s your worry?
That we’ll get distracted and lose sight of the ultimate goal of pleasing Allah.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
That marriage will start out all good and happy but then it will change to something less desirable.
That we won’t understand one another or will have different goals that are not compatible with one another.
| Comment #62 | Posted by: sanonymous | 1:10 am
Bismillahirrahmaanirraheem.
Assalamualaikum Readers.
What’s your biggest fear?
1) Running my household away from Quran and Sunnah. May Allah guide us all.
2) That I am unable to fully carry out my responsibilities as a wife – anger Allah and my husband and families in the process.
3) That I will not be able to be a good wife and be understanding if he decides to marry another
What’s your worry?
1) Our first night. Will he find me attractive? will my flaws make him wonder if he has made the right choice? Will he find out about my past? will he question my past?
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
1) How I will keep up physically and intellectually attractive for him.
2) That he might find me less than what he has expected.
May Allah ease our hearts and plant eeman and taqwa in us. May He make us His righteous servants and grant us Jannah.
| Comment #63 | Posted by: Safeeya | 2:02 am
# What’s your biggest fear?
my biggest fear was to marry in a hallal way not loving that man that i was about to marry and i had to forget about all my dreams and visions about my future
)
ALHAMDULILLAH cause i realised LOVE IS IN ALLAHS HANDS and the bigggg love cammeee ma sha Alllah (i married not long ago
# What’s your worry?
My worry was that i had the medical university ahead and my parents, who didnt accept islam and didnt accept the marriege so we had to hide to marry, to not make haram, zina of the eye,of the ear or the thoughts etc
Alhamdulillah
# What do you stay up at night worrying about?
that my non muslim parents will kill both of us as they have said before…and i feared Allah and my destiny and was afraid of punishments here and the hereafter
alhamdulillah my parents changed ,i made a lot of Dua
short after my marriage,after reading about sahaba and their life stories (true that book contains weak hadiths also) i got strong seeing that they have faced so much more terrible things and we MUST TRUST IN ALLAH,HE IS CAPABLE OF ANYTHING!!!Eveerythiiiing!!
| Comment #64 | Posted by: minhaj | 2:21 am
Assalamu alaikum
What’s your biggest fear?
Ending up with someone who may not be as committed to the deen as I am. You can’t really know someone until you’ve lived with them therefore, I’m afraid that I’ll discover things/habits that may not be permissible in Islam.
What’s your worry?
Resorting to divorce, I seriously dislike anything that displeases Allah…
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
Not being able to make my first marriage work.
| Comment #65 | Posted by: I Care! | 3:20 am
What’s your biggest fear?
What’s your worry?
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
That I won’t find them attractive in their looks and personality. That they won’t find me the same. Their idea of marriage is sitting home in front of the TV/Internet. That they don’t want to converse with their wife.
My worry is I will choose someone who is not father material. My worry is I will choose someone who is not practising enough.
I worry I met the wrong person who feels right, and the right one will never come along. I worry that I need to be less picky, which basically means marry someone poorer, less educated, not attractive to me, but people say as long as they are on the deen, are they right?
| Comment #66 | Posted by: Muslim Sis | 5:37 am
What’s your worry?
My relationship with my mother in law! I don’t speak my mother tongue fluenty so I don’t know how I’ll be able to hold a decent convo with her and how this might affect our relationship… : (
| Comment #67 | Posted by: Fatimah - K | 6:09 am
When it comes to marriage…
- What’s your biggest fear? Spending the first night with the husband. His family not being nice poeple. husband considering to have second wife.
- What’s your worry? would i be a good wife, playing my role according to sunnah
- What do you stay up at night worrying
about?
| Comment #68 | Posted by: muslima | 6:14 am
my biggest fear and worries
– i wont able to find a man good in deen and akhlaq and will probably end up alone for the rest of my life.
– i might meet a seemilngly good guy then realize LATER we are not compatible.
– my parents wont let me marry a righteous guy from another culture.
– balancing marriage and a career. i want to raise my kids myself and also work after they grow up. i mean im not going to professional school so i can stay at home for the rest of my life.
– living with the in laws. i dont have a problem witht the in laws themselves. but i want my own home (which in Islam a wife has a right to) and my privacy. i dont want to be stuck wearing hijab and jilbab in my own home. i’m worried that my husband might take this the wrong way (like in our culture people do). i dont mean any disrespect for the guy’s family. i only want my own privacy that im Islamically entitled to.
| Comment #69 | Posted by: randon_muslimah | 6:18 am
Asalamu Alaikum wa Rah matullahi wa barakatuhu
My biggest fear about getting married is what if me and my spouse will not be able satisfy each other and be a fitna for each other rather than a mercy for each other. (financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually)
JazakAllahu khayrun
| Comment #70 | Posted by: s | 6:20 am
just a change in my name : )
| Comment #71 | Posted by: random_muslimah | 6:30 am
When someone refers him/her and the family approach. The “kids” introduce themselves, is it the guys family that goes back for feedback or is it the girls? Had situations where the proposal ended after meeting period. I know it’s not a worry since most of my worries ie-wanting to not co exist under the same roof as my in laws but being there/supporting them in every regard has already been mentionned but I am interested into what are the formalities. In the eastern culture, it’s generally the guy’s family thus, the girl’s family never makes a move and waits, twindling their thumbs until the guy’s family make up their mind to move forward. Which is kind of unfair since this always makes the girl feel like the rejected one. Her opinion is sought but only after the guy has made a decision to move forward and then, by that time, if she rejects it-her views are questionned since the guy clearly liked her.
My other worry: my husband will not understand my desire to support my family by working (not through his moneY) to ensure that my younger brothers/sisters/ and parents are well taken care of. This does not mean I mind helping out my in laws in any way ie financial/emotional etc or I’m going to put my own childrens needs second-but he can’t question the fact that I’m spending a certain portion of my income for my family or desire to work and seek higher education to be a better role model for my younger siblings.
| Comment #72 | Posted by: bengaligirl | 7:01 am
i also worry abotu realizing the love is not there anymore and he or I would fall into certain haraams….I also worry that there will be inter family drama ie between in laws or him and my family or me and his family etc…
| Comment #73 | Posted by: bengaligirl | 7:02 am
I also worry that we won’t be able to children together.
| Comment #74 | Posted by: bengaligirl | 7:09 am
I also worry abotu the husband being abusive emotionally/physcially or totally protective and greedy and closed minded. I worry about him being homosexual or having another women involved in the relationship and I worry that maybe I might never find someone who likes me for the sake of Allah….
| Comment #75 | Posted by: bengaligirl | 7:11 am
My biggest fear – am I going to be a good wife, not able to find someone suitable for me.
Worry – I am worried if I just marry the person who comes next in line because of age factor (am getting older and still unmarried)
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
will I be able to juggle my responsibilities as the eldest daughter and as a wife. (there’s no boys in our family, so I really hate to see my father being left alone after all his daughters got married.)
| Comment #76 | Posted by: bintN | 7:53 am
Bismillah,
The biggest fear is not following the sunnah and getting got up in materialism before the deen of Allah(SWT).
| Comment #77 | Posted by: Qurtubi | 8:24 am
My biggest fear is oppression, being beaten and becoming one of those wives who can’t seperate being in a state of oppression and the virtue of being patient. I mean, when do you say enough is enough? He will change back to how he was at the beginning… being a good wife.
My biggest worry is being depressed, unhappy in marriage.
What keeps me up at night…not being married.
| Comment #78 | Posted by: umm Rummaan | 8:54 am
My biggest fear is that I will never get married. And maybe I will become so desperate that I will marry someone who is not good. If I don’t get married, then I will have to go back to college and then get a job and work in this kafir country surrounded by kafirs; I would hate that. I also don’t want to marry people from my ethnic background because I have seen countless examples of bad behaviors,attitudes, bid’ah, and irreligiousness in them. And every woman that I have seen married to this ethnic group look so unhappy and depressed.
| Comment #79 | Posted by: bint khalid | 8:56 am
I want to have my own house and family. I love my parents and my family and I want to help take care of my parents, but I also don’t want to live forever with my parents and my brother’s family. I want my own life.
| Comment #80 | Posted by: bint khalid | 8:59 am
I worry that I will marry a man too good for me and I will never be able to fulfill his rights and I will always wrong him unknowingly.
or that I will marry a man who leads me to become a worse muslim, but with laughs etc so I won’t feel the sickness (eman going down) thats growing within me.
I fear that marriage is a bit insecure- If his mom doesnt like me and wants us to divorce- she can get that done
What if marriage is boring two people in an empty house- I have a busy life with my big family- what if theres nothing to talk about with this person I marry and then what- we’ll be bored of each other.
I wonder what if I can’t have kids, what would I do- I wouldnt want to wrong him and prevent him from being a father.
What if HE cant have kids, then what- I dunno .. maybe I just shouldnt bother getting married?
Whats really lame is that every time someone asks for me, it strains the relationship between me and my father. I love him and he loves me and we are always so close EXCEPT when there is someone asking for me- then he is angry with me.. I dont know why it makes me sad
| Comment #81 | Posted by: khowf | 8:59 am
My biggest fear is that one clear sunny morning I will roll over in bed stare at his sleeping face and be completely and utterly disgusted with him, for whatever reason. I mean I can`t stand him and I am stuck in a marriage that I have to work on for the sake of my children.
| Comment #82 | Posted by: Hafsa | 9:00 am
My biggest fear: To be married to a man concerned so much with dunya and justifying his wrong actions over others that i become immune to the wrongs myself.
Worry: getting caught up in the web of interest and dealing with haram, earning haram and eating from that which is haram. The subtleties, the things everyone will euphemise and gloss over but it affects us greatly in the sight of Allah.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
That marriage will blind me and distract me from the hereafter and the reckoning. That my heart will harden because of my distractions and lack of relationship with Allah. That i will forget that which we should prioritise and settle for less and forget the sunnah and its importance.
| Comment #83 | Posted by: Hmmm | 9:24 am
My biggest worry is restriction. I’ve gone almost my whole life making decisions for myself and the fact that I will have to have my husband’s permission makes me worried about “what if my husband does not agree to my wishes and desires?” I hope to have the patience to handle this oneday.
| Comment #84 | Posted by: K | 9:47 am
Lately another one of my worries has been settling for someone who is not suitable because I am realizing what I want is too difficult to find. The one that scares me the most is settling for someone who is not religious.
| Comment #85 | Posted by: K | 9:53 am
JM: loosen up a bit ok? he means he’s scared of having a wife influenced by the negative and haram culture of the west. quit comparing the east and the west. they are two different societies.
| Comment #86 | Posted by: random_muslimah | 10:31 am
Biggest Fear:
That in choosing to get married to this person, I’ve made a mistake. That there is someone else out there who is more compatible with me & who I’ll have more chemistry with. This ties in with the fact that in doing things the halaal way, I don’t know if I will feel love toward my spouse or if we will have a happy & satisfying relationship.
Worry:
Financial instability; struggling with finances so that we won’t be able to travel or buy certain things.
Stay up Worrying:
I worry that I’m going to lose all my freedom, and my personal goals in life I won’t be able to achieve because i’ll have to be so busy cooking, cleaning & taking care of kids & a husband and I’ll have to put my goals & dreams last.
I also stay up worrying about my biggest fear.
| Comment #87 | Posted by: nahla | 10:58 am
I have already tried internet islamic matrimonial sites with no result. The quality people never answer and I only get replies from people who are not quality.
I also tried Practimate for the 30 day free trial. I liked it very much and I plan to insha Allah register for it as soon as membership opens again. However, I am 37 years old and never married. The matches I got on Practimate were 21-31 years old. That age group is not interested in a woman who is 37. I am afraid that if I don’t find a husband soon, there will be even less chance for me to find one a few years from now.
| Comment #88 | Posted by: bint khalid | 11:00 am
Biggest Fear- My marriage will end in divorce
Worry- my husband changing after marriage
stay up at night worrying- if i will be able to blance house work, kids and other responsibility, if my husband will play an impt part in house work or not
| Comment #89 | Posted by: shortie | 11:08 am
My biggest fear is finding a decent man who will accept me for my disability.
The one thing i worry constantly day and night is never getting married because muslim men are rejecting me due to my disabiltiy its not fair that they have to constantly judge a good woman based on her beauty alone or her physical appearance whatever happened to choosing a person on their deen and character. They claim that they want a good muslimah who fears her creator and practises her but in reality this is a lie. Dispite of my pracising the deen for my creator and wanting to better myself as a muslim iam turned down for disability alone. I hope the sheikes discusses this matter and i pray that alot of men who attend open their eyes and realise that their are so many good sisters like myself who are desperate to complete their deen and they need to accpet us because allah never created anyone to be perfect. Walahi i never knew that muslim men were such a shallow people even a non muslim man would never choose a person based on looks alone.
| Comment #90 | Posted by: Sad Muslimah | 11:10 am
al salam ‘alaykum,
simply put, the fear of being part of the statistics (again) that keep increasing even amongst the muslims, i.e. divorce.
Marrying someone who does not take his responsibilities seriously, i.e. is negligent of them.
Going through the same fitnah and interference from my family and esp. extended relatives of my father.
More than anything, I am not sure if who I would be good for and when, and I don’t want someone to tell me that he “picked me up” like as if from the ground and thus, raised me up, i.e. that he is did a fair by marrying me, or as if only I will have needed him, and not both ways.
| Comment #91 | Posted by: Anonymous | 11:33 am
The biggest fear is Insha Allah, I get married again, that the brother doesn’t have mental problems. We all have our on issuses but many people in America have real mental problems. They aren’t detected right away , and the signs of mental illness are slight. Islam has define certain behaviors that people think are ok as mental illness as well. Serious ones at that. Well, JazakAllah for allowing me to put in my two cents and Insha Allah I am going to enroll in your program as soon as I am able.
| Comment #92 | Posted by: umtaufiq | 11:52 am
My biggest fear – (Only one???) I suppose, when it comes to the marriage relationship, my biggest fear is that the man will not turn out to be who he represented himself to be, before the marriage. As I have seen men do this “complete personality change” many times, and it seems to be a common practice, for many men, to simply lie, or at least not be totally honest and forthcoming about who they really are, and what they really want, in order to “get what they want” from women. And if he is who he says he is, he will be someone who really loves and cares about me, who will always act on behalf of my best interests and well being. Not someone who just wants to “use or abuse” me. A man truly has the power to place a woman in “Hell” if chooses to, and that is not a place I want to go!
Worry – (Once again, only one??) I probably worry most, that the person who fell “in love” with me, will “fall out of love” at some point. Especially if they are around me every day, and have thus gotten to know about all my faults and failings.
What do I lose sleep over? – Probably, at this point, it’s children and grandchildren, that I worry about, the most… Will they be alright? Have I done enough for them? Is there anything more I can do, to protect the ones I love? (I would always hope that my mate would have the same concerns, priorities, and “worries” as myself. Because we’re supposed to be “partners”, working together on the same things, in life. Otherwise, what good is the partnership? And for me, family is the top priority.)
| Comment #93 | Posted by: Jada | 12:06 pm
that he turns out to be not the good bro I knew of but quite the opposite,
I fear shortcomings from my self more than anything that I fall short in being an obedient patient wife and good daughter-in-law
I fear violence and from putting myself in an abusive relationship
I fear that Allah tests me coz of my sins, and anything bad i thought or said about others – and I fear Allah will test me with my words and thoughts thru him
I fear shortcomings in ebadah coz of my future spouse and children that i may not get up for fajr – coz of him
| Comment #94 | Posted by: z | 12:11 pm
What’s your biggest fear? That the marriage will not be a good happy marriage and that it will end in divorce.
What’s your worry? That my husband will somehow change into a different person who I don’t like/love. He will come with a different personality/attitude after the marriage.
What do you stay up at night worrying about? That I will end up all alone by not having my own family and home.
| Comment #95 | Posted by: Muslimagirl | 12:39 pm
The biggest fear, is never finding the right match. The fear of thinking that finding him will be like winning the lottery…To accept the whole “concept of marriage” as if it only pertains to lucky people. I am a worrying about my age. Because the beauty of a woman is her youth. I am a worrying and aging sister and fearing that men will soon find me too old no matter how high my degree is. The fear of also losing my patience and just falling into haram. Not knowing how patient one should be? And displeasing Allah swt. Being single for 22 years in America is HARD. The society in the west is so sex drentched. The mere acceptance that I must just stay lonely and miserable and accept that he, motherhood, and my children only exists in my dreams and jennah.
| Comment #96 | Posted by: muslimgirl | 1:06 pm
What’s your biggest fear?
That Allah wont take my need to get married seriously and will not answer my duas. Or that he will answer my duas by placing a brother in front of me whom I do not want but feel obgliged to accept because I am running out of time and really need to get married.
What’s your worry?
That I will make a poor choice. That I will be a brother’s poor choice. That this husband will ruin my life. That I will ruin this brother’s life. That marriege will be a source of pain and struggle rather then one of peace and blessings. That marrieage will render me weak in faith rather than stronger in it.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
That my faith is beggining to dissapear and I will end up doing something stupid. Like trying to get a boyfriend and converting him to Islam or something. That I am such a faulty person I am sure to end up in hell. That Allah is not taking my needs seriously and is ignoring my deasperate need to find someone to face this life with in faith and in conciousness.
Thank you for your work, brothers
May Allah bless you and reward your efforts
| Comment #97 | Posted by: Noor | 1:37 pm
Assalam Alaikum,
I just wanted to add one more thing:
I am glad this forum exists. Sometime I get so incredibly lonely I literelly ache with it. I begin to wonder if I am the only person feeling these oppressive weight of solitude. Some times I believe I might go mad with it. So when I come across comments that express exactly how I feel, well then I have that sense of things being okay. Of me being okay. And not some almost maritely depressed freakazoid. It also a relief to see that our brothers fear. That we, women, are not alone in our insecurities and frustrations. I know it is awfull to feel release at not being the only person on the vergse of frustrated misery. But it sure helps not to feel so abandoned in faith. I pray that Allah answers all our duas and makes this easy for us. May Allah bless all of you struggling to remain on the right path. Amin
| Comment #98 | Posted by: Noor | 1:59 pm
Biggest fear :
1. Both couple not being able to hold on to the marriage and face the challenges that WILL DEFINITELY comes with marriage.
2. Your spouse doesn’t have a realistic idea of what marriage is all about and what it takes to make a marriage work.
3. Couples don’t understand what it means when marriage is said half of iman.
Lin
| Comment #99 | Posted by: Lin | 2:34 pm
I also fear that I will never become a good Muslim. I try so hard, but the environment I am living in has so many bad influences (music, tv, bad behaviors of other people, bad role models, unislamic ideas and actions, bid’ah, too much demanding physical work that leaves little time and energy for ibaadah or seeking Islamic knowledge, etc.). I need Allah’s help, a more Islamic environment, and someone who is a pious and righteous Muslim who can help me to become a better Muslim and to do righteous deeds. I have so many good deeds that I want to do, but I have to get married first for me to do them. For example, I just want to try to raise some pious and righteous Muslim children who are pleasing to Allah SWT and send them to a Qur’an school where they can become huffazz of Qur’an or aalims. I also want to teach Islam and Qur’an to children, but because of present circumstances, I cannot do that. I want to live a more Islamic lifestyle, which I can’t fully do while living in someone else’s house. I fear that I will never be able to do these and other good deeds in my lifetime because of my present situation.
| Comment #100 | Posted by: bint khalid | 2:46 pm
When it comes to marriage…
- What’s your biggest fear?
*That I’ll rush into something and have regrets*
- What’s your worry?
*So many failed attempts of friends and family members*
- What do you stay up at night worrying about?
*Is my naseeb really out there? If I say yes to one brother, is there someone else who is actually better for me?*
| Comment #101 | Posted by: butteekhah | 2:51 pm
When it comes to marriage…
* What’s your biggest fear? our marriage becoming just a statistic [marriage ending in divorce].
* What’s your worry? that we wont have a happy married life and it’ll end in divorce
* What do you stay up at night worrying about? that my husband doesnt love me anymore, he’s fallen out of love.
| Comment #102 | Posted by: a wife | 3:43 pm
Salam
My biggest fear is settling for someone who is not as strong in their deen or as enthusiastic in their deen. I think this is a big thing for a woman who seeks someone either at a similar or higher level of commitment to the deen in their spouse.
| Comment #103 | Posted by: bintfulan | 4:42 pm
What’s your biggest fear? That our marriage won’t be one in which I am respected and appreciated and loved. That it won’t be one which brings happiness to both me and my husband. And also that even with this unhappy situation, we won’t be able to divorce because of other factors (e.g. children, money, etc). Then we would be stuck in an unhappy relationship until either of us passes away.
What’s your worry? That I won’t make a good decision in terms of a choice of a husband. That before marriage there was something about him that I should have learned or paid attention to (like a warning sign that he wasn’t the right one for me), but I didn’t and after marriage it would have been too late.
What do you stay up at night worrying about? That my marriage will end up like that of my parents, which is basically the situation I described in the previous two questions.
| Comment #104 | Posted by: Aisha | 5:20 pm
Asalam alaikum,
My biggest fear in regards to mairrage is that I would not find someone I truly loved and had a strong connection to, due to the fact that I would not be able to get to know them and spend alot of time with them. Also since I have kids and am divorced I was really afraid of finding someone who had all the values and deen that I was looking for and also would love and truly care for my kids too.
Also being a new Muslim I would think and think that maybe I would not be accepted by his family since I am divorced. Also too I was afraid of marrying someone who might be very religious which is good, but at the same time I see some muslim sisters who after getting married thier husbands don’t allow them to have any sort of life still. I realize that fitnah is all around but the brothers have to trust thier wives to be out with other sisters and to socialize and grow in thier deen also.
I can’t see myself being just in my house 24/7, I wouldn’t survive that kind of confinement.
Inshallah my husband and I will have trust in eachother and good communication and also I want him to teach me and inshallah for us both to grow in our deen and faith and love.
| Comment #105 | Posted by: BNDGR | 5:28 pm
BismilAllah, Aslam alikum
# What’s your biggest fear?
Not finding the right person who matches my requirements (i have 4 or 5 of them). Then ending up settling for someone else and living a marriage in regret (that i did not marry the person i wanted).
# What’s your worry?
That the person i do find does not meet my expectations and vice versa
# What do you stay up at night worrying about?
That all of this could be a test from Allah that i end up failing Or Allah tests me by getting married to the person i do not want.
May Allah help us all.
| Comment #106 | Posted by: TrustingAllah | 7:18 pm
I fear that I die missing fajar prayers sometimes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subhanallah…regardless of what I do, I miss/pray late fajar prayer at least once a MONTH! I have never done it intentionally, but I made so many promises and commitments with Allah that I would never miss a fajar prayer…but, for some reason I end up missing it or praying late sometimes. I even reached a point where I doubted my Iman and renewed my shahada couple of times cuz I just don’t understand why I miss fajar sometimes when I sleep committed 100% getting up for it….even early to pray sunnah! Subhannallah, I can’t imagine what I would tell Allah if I was to die tonight regarding my habitual missing/lateness to fajar.
Did anyone have this problem and can you share with me what you have done and if it worked for you…cuz subhanallah, I just think I letted Alrajim to win over me!
FEARFUL!!!!!!!!!
(please give me all the feed-back you can give on this cuz it concerns me ALOT). I
| Comment #107 | Posted by: SarahOregonian | 8:06 pm
Assalamu Alaikum,
My biggest fears are not getting married to a Muslim man of good character, kindhearted and strong in deen. I’m also concerned about my biological clock stopping and not being able to have any children.
My worries are, that I will not be accepted by a prospects family, being abused by my husband after marriege. Concerned about my husband taking me for granted and not appreciating my efforts, not helping me at home if needed.
I stay awake at night sometimes, worrying about how to pay the bills.
Allah Hafiz
| Comment #108 | Posted by: Hawa | 8:57 pm
My biggest fear: that I won’t be able to handle the stress of marriage, causing me to lose control and my grip on reality…
I sometimes worry about ending up with a husband who is physically or emotionally abusive, who is easily angered, and who bosses me around and opresses me.
I don’t stay up late at night worrying about marriage alhamdullilah, but a worry that I do have is of ending up with a husband, maybe out of family pressure due to my age and lack of matches, who I ultimately won’t love or even like, and who won’t like me. It’s sometimes said that love is something that grows after you marry. I believe this is true, but what if it doesn’t happen for me?
| Comment #109 | Posted by: muslima_abc | 9:00 pm
When it comes to marriage…
What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is infidelity. It seems so easy these day for men to marry you, then just leave you for someone else without regret or recourse. Even the presence of state registered marriage, one can be dumped for another woman who accepts merely the contract. The masajd administration sanctions the marriage, but never determines the condition of the divorce woman or the family.
What’s your worry?
Not finding a Muslim man who wants a mature woman, or one who wants to really live Islam. I find today so many men want either a repressive brand of Islam or Islam lite.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
Being alone.
| Comment #110 | Posted by: Rashidah Abdul-Khabeer | 9:42 pm
AS Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu
Bismillah…..
My biggest fear is DIVORCE, I don’t want to have marriage number 1 or 2 or 3. I’ve waited 32 yrs to get married only to find that it was one big joke and disappointment. So for the sister who thinks she’s getting old at 22yrs old try being another 10 more years older…
I fear that my husband will not validate me or my feelings despite being obedient, submissive and that he will take me for granted because of his male ego and not appreciate what I have to offer in the relationship….
I fear in-law medlying, and also if I choose to marry someone outside my race who’s parents where not raised in the US that his family will control us or my husband/marriage to the point where my husband has to choose between his wife and family and that he is not man enough to respectfully stand up to his family and be obligated to his family. I no way would I tolerate him being disrespectful toward them. I fear his family/ mother tells him he’s going to Jahanam if he does not do what she commands him to do…
Someone who is not commited and not willing to work at it. I understand there will be days of challenges and that we will have to work at these challenges but I want to know that my other half is up for the commitment as I am. We live in a different day and time and brothers and sisters are not commited as people were during my parents and grandparent’s time which I learned they went through many trials and STILL stayed married. I feel the first problem we have we’ll want to just bail out. I feel that we muslims of the west have allowed certain bad practices of the west as it relates to relationships, infiltrate or supercede our deen. How about we go back to the Sunnah and knowing if we were to die tomorrow and Allah questioned us….Can we truly say, Ya Allah I did this fisibinillah….to prevent myself or this brother or sister from the fitnah of Dunyah….NO, we fear our parents from their bad practices through culture, what society thinks of us and what our friends think more than we fear Allah (SWT) in doing the right thing!!! Allah never changes the state/condition of a people until they change what is in themselves…..That means ME and YOU!!!If we are not following the Sunnah then what are we following???
| Comment #111 | Posted by: K | 10:10 pm
my biggest fear and worries
- i wont be able to find the right guy and I will end up having to settle for someone just okay. Also, i wont be able to find a knowledgeable man good in deen and akhlaq and will probably end up alone
- Im always afraid that what if we fall out of love, or what if i am never fully into him? and i feel that my marriage is a compromise my whole life? what if hes a great guy but im just not that into him or the attraction is not there?
-what if i get sick of the guy and just don’t care for him the way i used to anymore?
- how do i stay true to myself and be a good wife at the same time? how can i balance marriage and a career. i want to raise my kids in a good muslim environment but also work and be a proactive member of our muslim community.
-what if i lose myself or my identity just being a good wife and taking care of the kids? how can i be true to myself and keep the marriage always alive.
- i dont ever want a day to go by where we are n ot into each other and we are just bored of each other
-I would want us to motivate one another to become better muslims and support one another rather than control each other.
| Comment #112 | Posted by: AnonSister | 11:18 pm
What’s your biggest fear?
Would i be able to find someone compatible with me who my parents approve of. Is he really who he says he is? My husband being unfaithful. He eventually finds someone else.
What’s your worry?
My shourt comings. Would i be able to fulfill all my duties as a wife? Would i make him happy.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
Would our marriage last? Divorce. My husband eventually getting bored and tired. The love is not there between us anymore.
| Comment #113 | Posted by: striving4JANNAH | 12:13 am
Assalamu alaykum,
There haven’t been many brothers who have posted and of those not many have been really comprehensive. So I think I’ll try and explain to you some concerns from a young brother alhamdulillah.
My Biggest Fear: I’m going to be explicit. I think this is not being able to physically satisfy her desire. That she doesn’t reach her climax and thus this is actually a lawful grounds for divorce in Shari’ah. It would really hurt me if this happened.
What I worry about: That stupid mahr. That she is totally perfect Masha Allah, great deen, akhlaaq, life goals and everything but the silly woman wants a $2000 dowry. I’m sorry, it’s just not happening. Why can’t women understand men don’t like giving massive dowry’s? She can have everything she wants after marriage – no problem at all – but the mahr feels like I’m paying for her to be mine, like her dad’s selling her off to me and I don’t really want to buy a woman. The smaller the dowry the more blessed the marriage. Why can’t they just ask for something blessed like Madarij As-Salikeen or Fath ul Baari? It’d be so cool to give my wife that as a mahr (insha Allah).
My other worry is that she won’t want to pay for a single thing after marriage. Not even the groceries once, or any medication I needed say I fell ill and was unable to walk out the house. I hope she gives me a break once in a while and surprises me by saying: “I’ll pay” at the counter really enthusiastically and genuinely. That would brighten up my day!
What do I stay up at night worrying about: Whether I will be able to financially sustain the marriage. That she gets frustrated because I’m poor, and for example that I can’t afford sending children to Islamic school and she starts to hate me for it because I can’t buy everything she wants.
Wallahu alim.
May Allah grant us successful marriages! Ameen.
| Comment #114 | Posted by: A Worried brother | 3:52 am
# What’s your biggest fear?
That I won’t get married because the brothers don’t even see me. They think I am too active to ever marry.
# What’s your worry?
That I will marry someone abusive like my parents were to me.
That I will show my love to my husband and my children how love was shown in my family.
That I will become like my parents.
# What do you stay up at night worrying about?
How do I build a normal relationship with my spouse? Will I ever get married? How do I deal with my loneliness?
| Comment #115 | Posted by: YourSis | 4:40 am
1) If the brother will definitely come down to marry me as he’s been making promises from a lng time
2) If I’ll be able to satisfy himin every way and hold his attention as his only wife
3) If he will not divorce me and make a laughing stock of me
| Comment #116 | Posted by: Fathima Banu | 5:13 am
biggest fear:
- my sins being leaked out to my prospective spouse
- marriage failing and parents saying ‘we told u so’
- parents saying ‘u will never find happiness because we didnt agree to ur spouse’
| Comment #117 | Posted by: sister | 5:34 am
my biggest fear …
to have a routine life with my spouse and make no change
my worry …
the ability to fulfill my duties
night worry…
the futur
| Comment #118 | Posted by: fatma | 5:43 am
What’s your biggest fear? that I get lost and don’t know what to do
What’s your worry? that I have a bad marriage experience
What do you stay up at night worrying about? when do I find my other half and end this torture
| Comment #119 | Posted by: me | 6:45 am
When it comes to marriage…
- What’s your biggest fear?
That person will emotionally abuse me like my father does by making me feel that I’m worth nothing!
- What’s your worry?
Will i ever be trust any man!
- What do you stay up at night worrying
about?
After i get marry, Will i be strong enough to tolerate all the problems my mother been tolerating for 30 years from her husband?
| Comment #120 | Posted by: Blue | 9:59 am
What’s your biggest fear?
Would I be able to find a TRUE practicing Muslim husband,(not only muslim by name or once who only pray & fast)or I have to end up accepting any proposal (as my parents concerns & worries are getting double with my age)
What’s your worry?
That my to-be spouse will be a real muslim who will help me in my deen and live according to Islamic teachings. Who will take marriage as a strong bond, respecting and realizing the needs & do’s & don’ts of marriage.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
I want to live in an Islamic country (i am born & brought up in Gulf)& this thing scares me what if i have to live in an unIslamic country. It seems not to be so difficult but i know many sisters who did hijrah with families, only to live according to Islam as they had to compromise on many things in their countries.
| Comment #121 | Posted by: amatullaah | 11:37 am
I would say my biggest fear in finding a hubby is the fear that our personalities arent fun enough to last for the rest of our lives. I have friends that just kind of died off after college, sol I am scared that the same will happen w my husband. Another fear is that as a single person I am already frusrated w my career path, even thoug it is professional, so I finding a personal and educational life that doesnt clash
| Comment #122 | Posted by: tas | 2:25 pm
Whats ur biggest fear? not finding the right person, & not able to have children.
What’s your worry? I may not be perfect for him, leaving me for another wife.
What do you stay up at night worrying about? Will I ever get married?
| Comment #123 | Posted by: xuu | 3:21 pm
My biggest fear is not having attraction for my spouse. I am often told that after marriage love happens, but i fear what if it doesn’t happen?
If he can not provide for me, like my parents have.
If I find the person I want to marry, but can not marry him due to education/finances and end up getting emotionally involved before marriage.
If he will take care of me, or if I will end up taking care of him.
If his family will like me. If he will be good to my parents despite their flaws.
| Comment #124 | Posted by: D | 4:54 pm
Biggest fear when it comes to marriage–my husband will hinder/discourage me when it comes to education/learning after marriage, or he will not be interested as much as i am in gaining knowledge, both islamic knowledge and secular knowledge. I would like to keep studying even after marriage, and it would be the best thing if my husband would study with me!!this doesnt have to interfere with other duties of marriage… where there’s a will there’s a way.
I would like to have intellectual discussions with my husband, and for him not to be threatened if i challenge him intellectually.
I would like him to respect me, and although many muslim men dont realise this, they do not respect/understand the role that women play in family life.
I would like him to be a clean person, to atleast clean up after himself, at the very least.
| Comment #125 | Posted by: flea | 5:45 pm
I fear a very abusive, and over-controlling husband, who has little understanding of women and a lot of cultural backwardness. I fear that I will not only have to be taking care of my husband but also his side of the family including his parents, siblings, and other extended family. I am afraid that the relationship will be rough, even though I hope for a harmonious relationship.
Basically everything “Blue” said…
| Comment #126 | Posted by: Hopingforthebest | 9:00 pm
What’s your biggest fear?
-That I will end up divorced and have to deal with the associated stigma of being a divorced female.
-That my husband won’t be attracted to me
What’s your worry?
-Marrying someone who is not enthusiastic or interested in improving themselves and learning and applying Islam/being on my own when it comes to being a positive Muslim role model to my kids
-That instead of enriching my husband’s life, I will be a hindrance and a source of regret
-The patience and understanding factor. Maybe he won’t be able to deal with my emotional issues and insecurities.
-That between two proposals, I will make the wrong choice and live to regret it.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
When will I get married? It’s so hard to be patient sometimes. It seems like all my friends are getting married/engaged mA but nothing seems to be happening for me even though I always hear about how sought after I am. May Allah swt give us all what is best for us.
| Comment #127 | Posted by: shootingstar | 2:31 am
i know many girls worry about getting intimate with their future spouse. It makes them very nervous as the wedding approaches.
| Comment #128 | Posted by: banaat | 10:25 am
My biggest fear: cheating. The lack of trust and lack of regard that would imply would devastate me, even more than a (an amicable anyway) divorce.
| Comment #129 | Posted by: Nickname | 11:59 pm
My biggest fear is that we do not live for Allah’s sake and our lives are wasted on silly things that do not matter, running after children and wealth and worldly matters. In other words I am afraid he does not put his deen first, or that together we do not put our deen first.
| Comment #130 | Posted by: biggest fear | 12:23 am
my fear is you misguide young muslims with false believes & you encourage them to disobey their parents & deny their approval for marriage (kabirah) under the magic power of love.
You are breaking srong big families to build weak artificial ones.
Etaqu Allah ,fear Allah.
your own children will have a turn.
Wish this could be submitted.
| Comment #131 | Posted by: Zeinab | 3:41 am
1. Biggest fear?
It will not work, we’ll get divorced! I will be forever alone! Would you like me to continue…?
2. Whats your worry?
He will not support me or understand me. I’ll be alone emotionally if not pysically!
3. What keeps you up at night?
If i do all this, will i still be happy?
| Comment #132 | Posted by: Sista | 7:27 am
My biggest fear: being rejected by every potential match, or someone reacting really badly (like violently) if I reject them.
My biggest worry: that I am unmarriageable. That I won’t be satisfied physically or emotionally or intellectually. That my spouse won’t be satisfied physically or emotionally or intellectually. That I can’t have children, or some other valid islamic reason for a divorce. That I’ll hate being a housewife, which is what I really want right now. Being poor and being passed up by otherwise nice matches because of it.
What keeps me up at night: the above, plus the worry that my mother is right and that being married won’t be a big part of making me happy. Or that my stubbornness will get in the way of making the choice I am supposed to make, to be happy. Just my inadequacies in general.
| Comment #133 | Posted by: AnonyMiss | 3:52 pm
Assalamualakum.
What’s your biggest fear?
not being happy with my husband: because my parents want me to marry someone from their home country (in asia) when i live in the western world.i don’t understand why they dont understand. maybe im too judgemental but i feel that people in western countries try to be better muslims whereas people o/s just going along with islam as some type of culture. they dont seek knowledge etc whereas we face so much difficulty in trying to keep steadfast. so i guess my biggest fear is marrying someone who is not religeous,not loveing or thinks i am below him.
What’s your worry?
not being good enough for my husband, if he is a does fulfil my requirements as mentioned above. what i mean by this is that i feel that i’m not interesting, not good at speaking (even though i was born in a western country) and don’t meet his expectations.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
i don’t worry at night because when i watch an episode from thedeenshow.com this reminds me of my purpose in life and the fact that everything is Allah’s will. i only hope that i will be a better muslim everyday, insha allah.
| Comment #134 | Posted by: muslimah :) | 11:31 pm
biggest fears:
that I will marry the wrong person and be unhappy for the rest of my life.
that ill marry someone i cant talk to and feel open with, and ill just end up being the woman who cooks, cleans and rears children to him.
Biggest worry:
will I ever find someone, and if I do find someone will they be the right one for me?
| Comment #135 | Posted by: Umm Harith | 1:17 pm
Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
As-Salaamu ‘Alaykum Wa Rahmatullah,
1.) My biggest fear is earning the displeasure of Allah by not being a righteous wife, or that may husband will be displeased with me in any way.
2.) Being trapped in an abusive relationship with a brother who seeks to restrict mmy freedom.
3.) Given the high # of single Muslimaat in relation to available Muslims, I fear that I may never find a suitable, righteous spouse. And Allah know best!
| Comment #136 | Posted by: Jannah | 8:31 am
ASA-I personally don’t ever focus on fearing anything but Subahanhuwa’t'ala.
Nadirah
| Comment #137 | Posted by: Nadirah | 9:44 pm
biggest fear: being surprised (in a bad way) or recieving information about my spouse that shocks me, which should have been known before the marriage
worry: not being understand
nightmare: not having a connection
| Comment #138 | Posted by: Sister from New York | 10:25 pm
ASA, My biggest fear when it comes to marriage is- delays in preparation for marriage, rushing to get married too soon,
| Comment #139 | Posted by: consciousness | 11:55 am
Asalaamulaiykum.
My greatest fears are 1. Marrying someone who will take me for granted.
2. Marrying a person who will not be content with the level of beauty I have and will want to marry a second wife.
3. Ending up married to a chauvanistic man.
4. Being married to a violent, aggressive man.
5 Ending up married to a lazy unresponsible man.
Ending up married to a man who doesnt fear Allah and who has no sense of shame.
| Comment #140 | Posted by: Muslimah_under the iceburg. | 2:35 pm
Not being able to Fulfill my obligations as a wife and not being attractive enough :/
| Comment #141 | Posted by: ********************************* | 10:37 pm
My biggest fear is that my husband will cheat on me, or fall out of love with me (or I with him, but I worry about this less). I don’t want to get divorced. I fear that we would not be able to cope with problems that may come along the way: serious illness, children who are sick or have problems, etc. These things, unfaithfulness or lack of love and commitment to each other are what I stay up at night worrying about. I hope that we can grow stronger through our good times and in bad and I will look for these qualities- kindness, commitment, loyalty love, and compassion in my spouse and try to develop them in myself. The strongest marriages I have seen have grown closer in the face of difficulties, but this requires so much from each spouse. I fear making the wrong choice or failing myself. I hope I do not.
| Comment #142 | Posted by: Miriam | 10:19 pm
salam alaykum
What’s your biggest fear?
my bigest fear it ll be getting married and live with him and raise his kids and when i get older and not good looking he ll leave me for younger looking woman
What’s your worry?
what if he is not what i thought he ll be..he is controlling freak and will turn my life to HEll
| Comment #143 | Posted by: bant_aby | 9:09 am
Bismillah as salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah.
What’s your biggest fear? My was biggest fear is homelessness. Now, it’s abandonment.
What’s your worry? Not being able to contribute to the ummah.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
Opening a business or working or going to school.
Barrak Allah fiik. Love-One-smile, it’s an act of charity.
| Comment #144 | Posted by: Khadzjah | 11:05 pm
When it comes to marriage…
What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is my husband cheating on me.
What’s your worry?
I worry that he will be different from what I thought from before marriage. i.e. He seemed religious and rational, but then becomes controlling and pessimistic.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
I’ve only gotten one proposal, but I worry that I will turn down someone good or that I already have done so due feeling that I am not ready for marriage because of my level of iman or other reasons or simply because I am so scared of getting married because people show you one thing and then you get something else.
| Comment #145 | Posted by: concerned sister | 9:22 pm
My biggest fear is that I will end up in an arranged marriage with someone from “back home” that I can’t relate with, and that I can barely communicate with because of the language barrier.
My worry is that I will find someone that I like, but he won’t notice me or like me.
I stay up at night worrying that my future husband will get in the way of my life plans. I want to live with my parents and take care of them. I also want to leave USA and live in AFG.
| Comment #146 | Posted by: AMuslimGirl | 10:22 am
Salaam, My biggest fear in marriage is how to fulfill all responsibilities bestowed islamically on wives.
| Comment #147 | Posted by: Aamatullah | 4:46 pm
My fears are:
-Never getting a proper proposal
-getting proposals but the guy is not into the deen.
-Because I and my parents aren’t that social, I am afraid that it will be hard to find someone.
-Rejection
-controlling husband
MAY ALLAH SWT HELP ALL OF US
| Comment #148 | Posted by: Muslimah | 8:35 pm
What’s your biggest fear?
What’s your worry?
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
My biggest fear is that if my man doesn’t follow religion as it should be.
Because I feel that strictly following your religion cures all the problems of this life…
My worry is that will I be able to stand upto his expetations or will he love me the way I am!!
I stay up at night worrying about things that i don’t know in him……..! May Allah create in him ( my fiance ) all the things that i like.. Allah knows my needs best!! ameeeeeeennnnnnnnnnn.. Please pray for me!!
| Comment #149 | Posted by: anda | 3:29 pm
# What’s your biggest fear? that i end up alone
# What’s your worry? : that i will be judged on what i look like only.
# What do you stay up at night worrying about?:that i won’t get married and that if i do he is not a good enough father.
| Comment #150 | Posted by: anon | 3:14 am
Salam alekum,
First of all, let me thank you for providing us with this great opportunity to express our BIGGEST FEARS.Barak allaho feek.
What’s my biggest fear?
…end up marrying someone from my country (culture) whom I promised myself NOT to marry.
What’s my worry?
…what if I do end up marrying someone from my country? What if my parents are refusing the guy that I wish to marry,then I might never ever get married?? *sigh* What if I never get to marry the person I wish to share my life with?
What do I stay up at night worrying about?
I have hope in ALLAH SWT,I make lots of dua.Otherwise recently- most nights I worry about is my parents refusing ‘everyone’.
Cheers,
| Comment #151 | Posted by: Heart-beats | 11:17 pm
Recently,I have being stressed out,anxious and worrying about whether I will or will not marry someone from my country.
The problem is that I can not speak to my parents about what sort of person I want.
| Comment #152 | Posted by: Heart-beats | 11:43 pm
Fears:
1) Oppression
2) Not being married young
3) This one especially —> Losing the close bond I currently have with my family.
What does it mean to obey your husband? To be a doormat and recieve reward for it?
| Comment #153 | Posted by: itsme | 2:40 am
What’s your biggest fear?
that i will never find a good guy to marry
What’s your worry?
not being able to connect on a physical level because of not test diving
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
not being a good wife and mom
| Comment #154 | Posted by: kiyanalynn | 11:50 pm
i forgot one :
that he is overbearing and mean and hes might abuse and hit me
| Comment #155 | Posted by: kiyanalynn | 11:51 pm
im a trained signlanguage interperter and all i do is repeat what others say and that takes 3 years of schooling
so i think if you want to do anything well( even being married) a refresher is a great thing
| Comment #156 | Posted by: kiyanalynn | 11:54 pm
■What’s your biggest fear?
■What’s your worry?
■What do you stay up at night worrying about?
Biggest fears:Ending up with someone who abusive in private but can put on a face when outside of the house, not being to connect with the spouse some months down the marriage, ending with someone is either too religious/too liberal but they portrayed themselves to be the happy medium in the introductory stage. Him talking about other women who are ”better” than me. Him wanting to marry more wives (i dont have a problem with polygamy) but rubbing in my face cos he has the right to do that.
My Worries?: Losing that ”connection”, Him not being attracted to me, no talking (I have seen this happen, where couples are married but they don’t talk). Not being able to meet expectations of in-laws/or not being able to connect with in-laws, abuse from in-laws. Neglect/Divorce.
What do I stay up worrying about? well sometimes I think ok I’m 23 and time ticking so is my bodyclock I do sometimes feel the pressure…I really want to settle down now, but am held back by career aspirations/family expectations of me. I am trying to make use of my degree and am also going into teaching which means more studying etc. Sometimes I just think I have to forget this , must concentrate on getting married and my husband will take care of me as it should be. At the same time I want to experience living an ”independent” life….
| Comment #157 | Posted by: StuckInTheSystem | 7:07 am
1) Marrying someone who is completely different to what they were when we were introduced. Someone who has set expectations and expects me to fit into thier life rather then make compramises.
2)I wont be able to please my husband, i wont be what he has expected. i suppose in all aspects.. physically, in my mentality and religiously. People all have expectations and i am worried i wont be anything like what they expected.
3) Marrying the wrong person, we are wrong for each other. therefore unable to please one another and not make each other happy.
| Comment #158 | Posted by: Salwa | 11:52 am
fears
husband will cheat on me….
divorce me….
control me…
leave me for another woman….
i dont want to be a co-wife or a divorcee…
| Comment #159 | Posted by: muslimah | 9:17 am
Asalam-o-alaikum,hope u r well.
i m young girl of 20.wana mary soon but family is not willing to give me in marriage right now.but they say ok v r finding 4 u.but i m just worried as the one my father will choose i wil have to say yes becoz i do hijab so to b honest before marriage i can’t know exactly what a man is upto.so my father can choose better.but my father isn’t that much religious.but i m.n i wana mary someone who practice himself and also make me more practicing one inshallah…………………………………………………….
| Comment #160 | Posted by: AREENA ALI | 5:34 am
my biggest fear probably (may Allah forbid) I won’t find a sincere brother who doesn’t like talking to sisters unnecessarily rather get a hubby (may Allah forbid) who doesn’t lower his gaze ( in other words try & cheat me when I’m not around OR WHEN I’M AROUND !!! ) for the sake of Allah, unnecessarily converse & jokes with non-mahram & doesn’t have any sense of ghirah & will not love me & only me for the sake of Allah !!!
Thats ^^ what my worry is .
When a man knows many sisters he doesn’t like his wife because he saw these ghair mahrams wearing broaches, showy hijab , make-up & all to attract non-mahrams even though his wife strives to please him ALL way possible because shaytan makes her unattractive to him & make hayaless, non-mahram sisters attractive to him. This free-society’s ‘free-mixing’ islamic classes & all CAN destroy a happy family easily. ………….. Thats what make me stay up at night worrying . Another thing which makes me so worried is if I find a sincere brother like the way I want will my family approve (if he is from different culture etc) ? Will my parents be happy with us (me & him) ? My family is not that practising. They don’t understand a brother who only prays 5 times a day also indulge into many sins like music, bollywood movies, ribah etc (examples I’ve at my home) & my parents think a brother who prays 5 times is good enough for me , he doesn’t have to keep beard etc !!!
Make dua for me everyone though I’m not in 25-30 age group. *sad*
| Comment #161 | Posted by: amatullah | 1:33 pm
What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear regards to marriage is that I will end up with a non practicing husband. I’m also afraid of him that he might be controlling. (may Allah SWT forbid this)
Also REJECTION hurts big time. I know Allah SWT knows what is for the best and I make dua that he help all of us single sisters.
What’s your worry?
I’m worried that as I’m getting older its going to be hard to find someone and my family doesn’t socialize much therefore I’m worried about being the cat lady.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
I worry if I will get married or not.
| Comment #162 | Posted by: muslimah | 6:33 pm
What’s your biggest fear?
this is making me tear up just to write, but i have lived it so it is hard. i had the imam during ramadan have the entire umma make dua 4 me after offering charity and still NO RESULT. i just have not met a muslim. only nonmuslims cross paths with me and i am starting to feel exhausted beyond beleif trying to put my effort in guys from pakistan who dont speak english, dont understand how to even treat a girl n trying to win her heart….just trying to teach them, only to learn they cant even come into the states, n perhaps this was their main motivation, meanwhile…my energy drained: (
is that i will never marry: (
What’s your worry?
my biggest worry is that i make a bad choice because of my fear.
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
i stay up at night because i have made soooooo much dua, and yet i feel so alone and in trying to survive in this harsh world, i dunno if im gonna make it. esp alone without support becasue sadly its all ive ever known
| Comment #163 | Posted by: pink_rose | 9:45 pm
When it comes to marriage…
> What’s your biggest fear?
- My biggest fear is dieing alone, not being married, lack of communication, & understanding one another.
> What’s your worry?
- I’m worried about him being faithful with me, his children, & with Allah (SWT).
> What do you stay up at night worrying about?
- I’d be worrying about if I married the person Allah (SWT) has created for me.
| Comment #164 | Posted by: Umm Baseemah | 11:12 pm
My biggest fear is that my husband will never want to become closer to Allah and in turn influence me to come further away and lesson my imaan. Also that he will be perhaps abusive towards me, whether it be physical or even emotional. I fear that what if he’s good but I just don’love him…meaning I’ll never be IN LOVE with him. I also fear that even if what I have is good, I will always look at what I perceive as perfect and always be envious of certain ppl.
| Comment #165 | Posted by: Sister NH | 11:16 pm
Asslam U Alaikum Wa rehmatulahi Wa Barakatuhu!!!
Jazakum Allah khairun for your efforts……
What’s your biggest fear?
My biggest fear is that, the person whom I’m going to share all of my life,he would care of it or not,would he give me all of his intention or not???
What’s your worry?
My biggest worry that Am I able to fullfil thier demands or expectation???
They (my spouse’s family)would appreciates my efforts becuase you know most of the times they dont appreciate and whatever the galz does they dont satisfied and always say to thier son,’’she is not good,she dont know how to deal with this that ”etc etc…..
What do you stay up at night worrying about???
I just want my husband to trust on me,becuase if he will,then I can face all the problem,but What I’ll do if he wouldn’t have any trust on me???
And does he help me to go to Jannah???
Jazakum Allah Khair
Take care
| Comment #166 | Posted by: Afaf | 12:23 pm
Biggest Fear:
Not being able to find a spouse at all. I’m the only Muslim in my family and have no one to help me go about finding a good a practicing husband. All my family understands is dating and that is obviously not permissible. My fear is that either i wont be able to find a good husband at all or else the idea of marrying a wife with a non muslim family will put off any good brother from being interested.
| Comment #167 | Posted by: Sister A | 9:53 pm
What’s your biggest fear? That my husband won’t like me in the long rn, that he’ll treat me poorly or divorce me and I’ll spend my life alone and ashamed
What’s your worry? That I won’t find Mr. Right but I’ll simply find someone to tolerate me
What do you stay up at night worrying about? I haven’t worried about marriage in a while but I guess I don’t know where to begin to find a husband when the time is right.
| Comment #168 | Posted by: BiggestFearM | 8:55 am
* marrying a brother who is not honest to be or marrying me with a hidden agenda.
* marrying an abusive brother
* Sometimes I worry that too much will be expected of me but at the same time, I wont be allowed to expect much from my husband.
*even more, I worry that I will never marry
| Comment #169 | Posted by: myfears | 4:26 pm
Assalamalaykum Sister Megan,
This was a great advice. I think the most important part is when a men and women introduce each other. You have clearly made it easier for sisters to think as their future wife and a mother when talking. Thanks for sharing! Jazakallah Kahir!
| Comment #170 | Posted by: sophia | 4:58 pm
I am a very sensitive girl and I fear that I if my husband would scold me on little things or get angry with me frequently I wouldn’t be able to take it. I am fearful of the temper of the man whom I will [insha'Allah] marry.
| Comment #171 | Posted by: Anonymous | 7:48 pm
I guess, like many sisters, my biggest fears is that I would meet a great guy and he would seem like an awesome brother…and it would all be a lie. And I remember you saying in one of the webinars that this fear is holding us back and that the only way we would be trapped is by our own selves, and that we could get out of it, that no one can hurt us twice without our permission. I have to respectfully disagree. When one is abused as a child, one learns early on not too trust too easily and that those closest to you can be the ones who hurt you the most. While you can divorce an abusive husband, what can you do with abusive parents, as a child? Where can you go? Especially when many shuyukh tell you to “respect your parents” and “treat them well” and “be good to them”, never understanding that some parents, while you maintain respect and treat them well, don’t do the same towards their children. This is a separate issue, but it lingers and comes up in our adulthood when we deal with people and especially, I think, in romantic situations.
As an adult, yes, you have more of a chance to escape. If you are a woman with a good education (or good parents) and, God forbid, marry a guy who pretended to be nice and ended up being abusive, you can divorce. But does that not break your heart? Waiting all your life and staying chaste for one man, being so happy when you meet and get married…only to find out he was fooling you and everyone. Many sisters have heard the horror stories of brothers who played the act and then after the honeymoon, the truth came out. How devastating is that for a woman, to have given herself to a man only to find out he was lying his way into her heart? Some women ended up having babies and then getting divorced. What’s the chance that they would find a man who is willing to marry a girl with a child? It’s scary and it’s happened, and while there may be a way out, it is still emotionally traumatizing.
From my own limited experience with men, and because of my self-esteem issues about myself and my appearance, it is also difficult for me to fathom that a guy would like me. I do feel that I have a great personality, alhamdulillah, but not so much a great outer shell. If a guy I would meet were to like me, I would be skeptical and wonder if it’s all a lie, if he’s just doing this to get married to some girl so his parents can get off his back and he can go on to do haram things (it’s happened).
I worry about the interaction between my parents and my future spouse, before and after marriage. I know Allah can make it easy and that’s all I can do…make dua that he make the marriage process easy. After marriage…I am sure there will be issues.
I worry about having kids before i am “ready”. Yes, I worry about birth control and “oopsy” pregnancies; I don’t agree with conventional birth control methods but also don’t want to get pregnant so soon after marriage. I want to get to know my husband first and at least have time to just enjoy married life as husband and wife before adding the youngsters.
I also worry about falling into haram. I know you said “never think ‘it won’t be me’” and I agree. I can see it happening, if I were to let myself get too close to or talk more than necessary to a non-Muslim man, that I could fall into haram. I would never want that and I avoid it because I know how vulnerable I am. Alhamdulillah, I have never had a situation arise where a guy made a pass at me or said something really nice to me. But it would be a GREAT test of my character (and I pray that I pass, insha’Allah!!) if it were to happen. I know that Muslim men can sometimes be “romantically challenged” and I think that should be addressed. During the proposal period, when things are really progressing and looking good, maybe they can do some nice things for us? Surprise us with something? Non-Muslim men do it all the time, especially when they are really deep into the relationship. Why not a Muslim man?
May Allah keep us all safe from temptations!
| Comment #172 | Posted by: tayibah | 6:45 am
Bismillahi arrahman arraheem…
What’s your biggest fear? My biggest fear is that I’ll never find someone who will fufill his obligations as a practising muslim husband as well as someone who I can be deeply in love with and enthusiastic about being his wife and mother of his children
What’s your worry? I worry that my son might become badly affected by the man I end up marrying…if i marry someone who I thought was someone I could trust but turns out to be a liar and abuser
What do you stay up at night worrying about?
-Being unmarried for the rest of my life
-Being tempted to commit haram acts to fufill my emotional needs
-Losing my son due to any decisions I make
-Dishonouring my family
| Comment #173 | Posted by: h | 11:40 pm
Very vain, BUT I worry I wont be physically attracted to him, or he wont be physically attracted to me. Vain, I know. subhanAllah.
Also, him being immature, irresponsible, disorganized and messy, not optimistic, judgmental, unmotivated, indecisive, and not an action taker. All the above would ultimately mean he is not religious either.
My biggest worry is that I will have to settle for someone who is all of the above, because all the good looking responsible brothers seem to be taken by some very immature girls.
| Comment #174 | Posted by: nana | 12:57 am
» What’s your biggest fear?
having a spouse who will take advantage of me and physically abuses me, it scares the day lights out of me
» What’s your worry?
someone who is ungrateful, is mean to my family, is not there for his wife and kids.
» What do you stay up at night worrying about?
basically all that I said and I just never want to be miserable and wake up each morning regretting I married this person!! inshallah that will never happen!
| Comment #175 | Posted by: Hijabee4Lyfe | 3:23 am
That my husband will no longer love me after a time and will take me for granted and not consider me or my needs as important.
| Comment #176 | Posted by: inside_muslimah | 4:41 pm
I worry that he will cheat on me
| Comment #177 | Posted by: inside_muslimah | 4:43 pm