I am in some major dilemma and need some help. A brother has proposed and my family and I are in the deciding process. The brother is a very nice person, nice, kind hearted, smart, well educated, knows what he wants in life, striving to be a good Muslim, has all qualities a husband should have according to me, but the only problem is that he is really short due to some genetic problem (which is apprently genetic because one of his uncles is also as short, and by short i mean not taller than 5 feet 2 inches). My parents agree that he is a very nice person at heart. But, because they have “researched” and talked to some family about the issue, they think that this genetic effect will be transferred to our fiture generations. So my dilemma is that is it fair to reject someone on the sole basis of something that is from Allah (ofcourse, he is not short by choice). I have always respected my parents’ opinion above mine, but now we seem to be having differing views. How do I go about putting my heart at ease? Please let me know. JazaAllah

firstly
congratulations! the job u r doing is something we really need! and u have been Mashallah blessed with the courage and wisdom frm Allah to help us out..

i want 2 know when do these classes start and what will be the timings be..and what dates..

jazakallah!

I wanted to see if the seminar could include how to talk to parents and convince them to have reasonable expectations of the spouse when it comes to mahr(dowry), cost of the wedding, apartment, shabka (jewerly given to the bride), muaakher and muaakher sadaq (I am not sure what it is in english but something like a prenuptial aggreement)
Perhaps this is something you can work on with Shaykh Yaser Birjas I am sure this is something he knows much about and since of course he interacts with many muslims brothers in the community and families.

Jazaku Allahu Khairan

sister Megan .. I really appreciate your knowledge and I think I finally found someone to give me an advice about marriage that actually makes sense .. jazaki Allah khyran for all your efforts

my top question is that … why should the Muslim woman be held responsible for her parents’ actions … I mean if one of the parents (specially the mother) is non-religious or even misguided wouldn’t it be unfair to look down to the daughter because of that … why is it ok for religious Muslim men to marry a convert regardless about her family .. but not ok to marry a born Muslim woman that hope to build a righteous Muslim home even if her parents are not very religious?

Can you make a way for the sisters on the programme to interact with each other? I see sisters here all the time that I would like to talk to, and can’t.

Why do we need a 8 week seminar programme to find Mr Right… while so many of our comrades have found their Mr Right without “over-analyzing” the whole process?

1) i am SCARED about becoming a mother. I am not even seeing anyone, but just the thought of being pregnant and having a child seriously scares me. I think it has to do with emotional abuse I experience(d) from my own mother (and father). I am in therapy for that but i don’t know if that will change the fear about having my own babies. That said, I don’t want to lead a guy on into thinking that I am the answer to his wanting kids. I will never say I don’t want kids at all, I just don’t feel I am 100% ready right now. it may also be that I am single and not really in the mind-set for families, but i know some sisters who, even before marriage, can’t wait to have kids. I also would like to Islamically adopt children, which surprisingly doesn’t freak me out as much as having my own for some reason. Is this an appropriate subject to bring up and if so, when??

2) Do I have to inform an interested brother that I am seeking counseling, if it’s not for any mental disorder (alhamdulillah)? Do I have to tell him about my issues with my family? if so, when is the right time? There is a stigma around therapy (even though I think everyone can benefit from it), so I don’t want to tell everyone my personal info, even though I don’t think it’s anything shameful.

3) The first time I was talking with someone for marriage, I had a really hard time with my parents. I know I probably didn’t use the best techniques to talk with them (I was defensive), but their methods also left a lot of bitterness and I don’t look forward to introducing someone to them. They wanted to say what my mahr would be, even though I didn’t want certain things. They insulted my intelligence in this regard and wanted to do the “negotiating” themselves. How can I prevent this the next time? Should i bring in an Imam to try and resolve things?

4) I really don’t know where to meet MY guy, since I believe my life is a lot less than ordinary and therefore won’t attract the ordinary guy.

5) Because of finances right now, I don’t know if i will be signing up for the 8 week thing.

60 Jazak’Allah khair for all you’ve done so far!

I was just wondering, would it be possible for you to post the seminars online? I am currently in school and can’t catch the upcoming live seminars, however I would love to listen to them and am hoping/wondering if you could somehow post them online?

I was also wondering if you could discuss the ways to go about knowing whether or not someone is Mr. Right. In theory, we know what we like and don’t like in someone. But in practice, it’s so much more difficult to read someone and figure out what they are like and hence whether or not we like them (or whether they liked us), especially in the beginning. How do you know early on, or in a first conversation that someone has potential to be Mr. Right (in order to avoid wasting time and effort with someone who is not the “right” one)? What should we be looking for or expecting the first time we talk to a potential suitor?

What are the appropriate questions to ask him? I don’t want to offend the guy and seem like I am rude or prying if I ask questions that may be too personal (ie. do you drink? smoke? etc). At the same time, I don’t want to hold myself back and not ask the questions that I feel are important. How do you achieve a balance of questioning/getting to know the person early on, that is satisfactory for both people involved?

And suppose you are interested after your first conversation, but you’re not sure if he is, what is the proper etiquette for contact? Should we always expect the guy to contact us first?

Also, suppose you meet someone through your parents and the parents are “friends”: how should you control parental involvement during the “getting to know the other person” phase? In most cultures, families are at the forefront of this process. This can be a good and bad thing – because sometimes they expect too much too soon, yet at the same time, their involvement can make you feel more comfortable with the guy and his family. How much and when, in your opinion, should parents in such a situation be involved?

I hope your discussions can answer at least some of these questions! Thank you for doing this, jazakhallah khair!

I would like to hear how to deal with issues where you have seen your father being verbally abusive to your mother and make you feel that you are nothing but trash . I can’t seem to trust any men when it comes to think about getting married. What if he will be like my father and i will once again tied up with a situation where there is no way out.
Please Advise

Blue

2. When is the website starting?

3. I know about the early bird special, however, why does everything on Practimate cost so much? I realize getting a good spouse is worth it but I don’t understand why there’s so much money involved. I’m a broke student. I’d love to attend and register for everything but I just can’t.

picking up on the point the previous sister brought up: will the webinars discuss communicating with the brother in an interview?

- Will we learn how to ask hard/personal but important questions in a way that won’t turn the brother off (e.g. do you have anger problems? what state are your finances in?, etc.)?

- Will we learn which questions should or shouldn’t be asked, and at which point things should be brought up in an interview process?

Jazakillah Khair

will this program provide a chance for sisters to communicate with brothers that match their criteria?? Is this program similar to what Sheik Yasir Birjas did a couple of years back where he matched sisters and brothers using specific information??

May Allah swt reward you for this program. Just a few questions that inshaAllah will be addressed during the 8 week course:
1. I know many sisters (myself included) who are highly educated and accomplished and find fulfillment in their careers, yet still want to be married and have children. How does a sister express this to potential suitors without them feeling threatened by the sisters’ accomplishments and that being a successful wife/mother is not opposed to being successful in other parts of their lfe?
2. Any suggestions on how and where to meet brothers in a halal way?
3. If a brother has been divorced, is it ever appropriate to talk to their ex wife as a reference?
4. If you are divorced and have children, how do you assess how the brother will interact with your child/ren? When is it appropriate for a potential suitor to meet your child/ren?
5. If you are open to meeting and marrying a brother from another culture, but your family and friends only consider introducing suitors from your own culture, how do you express to them that your preferences are more flexible?
Jazakhi Allah Khair

the first question by sis Anisa, id also like to know the answer too.

will you be addressing issues that people normally shy away from and/or ignore completely.

how to realisticaly approach someone?

and possibly someone who is younger in age !!!?
how do you know that a potential may even be interested in you without the embarrassment and at the same time maintaining modesty/shyness?

Sister can u please talk about those who have been heart broken and this has had an adverse effect on them and they refuse to consider any proposal and seek comfort in the fact that Allah has created us in pairs. If they dont get married in this world, then inshallah hope to find the ideal match in Jannah…

And also about those who are about to hit 30 and are not receiving any proposals and nobody is doing anything for them. I mean relatives and friends. What should they do apart from asking dua to Allah?

I just wanted to say to the sisters that we should not forget the MOST important thing that has to go alongside this programme and that is DUA

We are required to make the effort, to be proactive, to do our groundwork and research the potential husband the best way we can, at the same time making dua, asking Allah to guide us to the best husband for us and to protect us, we make salat ul Istihara and once we feel we have done all that we put our trust in Allah.

Also sometimes we do get tested, we have bad experiences but we can learn from them and inshalah become wiser and stronger

so being proactive, making dua and trusting Allah is my advise first and foremost to myself and to everyone else
salaam alaikum

how much that video will cost?

will it be available to purchase?

i cant attend the live lectures, due to the time difference and costs of ur seminars, how can ur teaching be benefit for many muslims who can’t afford?

ok so

what can we expect after the 8 week webinars? will there still be some interactivity going on?

Jazakallah khair

I was nearly married to someone who had mental health issues, however noone knew except his family. So, I only knew when the brother himself told me, a few weeks before the wedding…

How do I make sure this does not happen again, apart from asking the obvious?

Do you think it’s acceptable to marry someone way older, say a 13 yr age gap?

How do i make sure that Mr ‘I’m not too sure about him’ is not actually Mr Right, but I rejected him early.

What is the correct etiquette of saying no to someone? I’ve been on the receiving end many times, and no one actually phoned or contacted us to say no.

2. Is it possible to realistically project yourself through to a potential spouse and have them feel attracted to you? I want them to know exactly who I am and what I need from them without putting up false appearances.

3. Will this course talk about what kinds of questions to ask and how to answer his questions when communicating?

Jazakillah khair.

Sister, can you suggest to us better ways to express our desire to get married to our parents? That would be nice. They always seem so stressed when I bring it up and say “well just don’t worry about it” etc.

Sister Q, I like the way she has her face blurred too! I was like “cool idea!” It’s excellent from a modest standpoint, and a great example for Muslim women. When we study Quran, Hadith and Tafsir, these things become clearer, Insha Allah =)

I was wondering specifically about parents. I somehow managed to bring the topic up to my mom about marriage, but she said that this is not a good time. I think the real issue is the fact that both my parents have issues about letting go. THey do not want me to leave them. However, I think this will hurt ME in the end. I also think that the only reason they were able to tolerate eachother and get along with one another was because they had me. I took their mind off from their marriage problems. So, my whole life, they have always been extremely clingy. I think that even if I do get a guy to propose, he might just run away because of our family situation. We are not a really tight family and I don’t think my parents will make a good impression.

But my question is: how do I convince my parents that I am really ready and how will I initiate the process? What should I say or do so the guy does not run away? — Will this be covered in the program?

-wassalam

1) So what happens after the 8 week seminar ? Do you keep in touch till I actually find Mr Right ?

2) How does this online seminar work ? it is time bound or we can access it anytime ?

3) What if we are unable to take this seminar because of financial issues? Can we still benefit in someway? ( Alhumdulillah , so far all the webinars have been beneficial )

4) Is there going to be special one on one coaching for everyone ?

JazakiAllah khair !

i was married to a man, who was abusive, always turning me down, social abuse, psychological abuse, emotional abuse. We had asked about this person with several people and no one told us anything about this issue before marriage. His family will not lie about him, nor his friends.

My question is how can I ensure that i will marry a person who isn’t abusive? Is that something you’ll be covering in the seminar?

1. Why is this online? Isn’t an onsite even much better?

2. What are the timings? I prefer attending events LIVE (because that’s how I get the most out of it), but because of timezone difference or depending on what day of the week it is… how will I know if I can attend LIVE or not?

3. I see a DVD program in another post. Is that something different?