I totally agree with u n i understand why any man would want this!! I’m a 21 year old n im not married. I dont class any of this as backward talk because a muslim womans role has always been to make a house into a home. She is the first school for her child and she is a companion to her husband. A hadith came to mind when I listened to this and I just wanted to share it:

Ibn ‘Umar reported that the Prophet, sallalahu alaihi wa’alihi wasallam, “All of you are shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the people of his house and he is responsible. A woman is the shepherd of the house of her husband and she is responsible. Each of you is a shepherd and each is responsible for his flock.”

therefore we can understand the responsibility Allah (SWT) has given each of us towards our children and our husband.

I think another issue that is not being addressed from a brother’s perspective is “jealousy” (regarding opposite gender) for the future spouse. DEFINITELY what has been mentioned holds true…but I also feel as though “jealousy” holds true as well to a certain extent. Allahu’alam.

The serious men do think with this mentality indeed. If he just wants a halal girlfriend then he will just get married to any pretty muslim girl he sees, but a brother looking for a wife will search and search till he finds a wife who exemplfies the true characteristics of a muslim wife. So to all our sisters out there, yes ur career is important and yes your accomplishments are important but in today’s day and age kids need to be raised by their mother at home not by the daycare center. I have worked in daycare centers so I know how it is there and i certainly dont want to keep my kids there, yes its good for social interaction and all but sending them from 6am to 6pm is outrageous!

Yes,You are right…
A baby,Mash’Allah,it will be that kind of feelings that you can’t express to anyone when your baby will say to you ***Mama***.

May Allah reward you
Ameen

Lastly, I am gonna be *21* this week insha’Allah
I don’t like the fact it is being considered quite young to get married. I believe I am ready BIG TIME. I understand the duites and responsabilities that go into marriage. I may not be COMPLETLY mature yet, but I think you learn with experience, and inshaAllah will carry on with my personal development together with my future husband.

the video was wonderful, the mesage was touching, everything was just sooo true.

I think the “fitrah” of the woman tends toward being a good housewife. what you said about holding your little baby in your hands … will just melt every woman’s heart.

Oddly enough, I don’t really find myself agreeing. I’m 21 years old and not married, nor am I actually looking to get married (he needs to look for me anyway, right?). For starters, I will say that when I get married if I have to put my education on hold for my child(ren), I will happily do so to witness their every early moments and love them and help them develop into in strong and productive humans. There is nothing more that I would desire than to be a mother, and on top of that to be a good mother who is there for her children.

However, I do no necessarily believe that most brothers do think of their future wives as the future mother of their children. If they did, the ones whom I’ve encountered wouldn’t have placed such a high priority on education, when she would start working and how much salary she would earn, how great her cooking is, and the list goes on. I understand that a man would want an educated woman for the sake his children so that they would benefit, and that he would want her to work so that they could live a more comfortable life, and that her cooking should be up to his mothers level because…I don’t know why but I’m sure he has a reason.

But in between all these expectations he has of her, I see that often times the children are neglected. The man doesn’t suffer the consequences, because the woman willingly accepts the blame for being a “bad mother” but Allah is all aware of the reality.

So before we look at what our brothers want of us, we need to look closer and see what they really want and whether they are sincere in their quest of being there 100% for our kids and whether they are truly willing to sacrifice us not bringing home a paycheck and won’t guilt-trip us for whatever in the end.

All in all, jazakallah khair for your efforts.

A very poignant topic…how to present yourself as a future mother. SubhanAllah it really made me re-evaluate how i present that certain aspect when i talk to a prospective bro. I’ve signed up for the 8week course – coz even though i know inshAllah im ready to be the most awesome mother n wife i can possibly be…how to articulate this to a bro…i have no idea!

Lookin forward to the course.

jazakumALahu kharyun Sr Megan and Practimate!

Thank you for the insipring video, it has really opened my mind and now Insha’ Allah i am looking and getting ready for the future.

JazakiAllahu Khayran

But alhamdulillah, the way you explained the issue really helped me to see it from the brother’s prospective, and to think about it from a mother’s prospective. Plus, you’re echoing what a lot of the shuyookh I respect have said.

My mind has been changed, the angst is over
JazakiAllahu khayran.

I guess though you know at the back of your mind that you intend to raise your children in Islam to the best of your knowledge, you don’t articulate this point in meetings with brothers!

Jazakhallah khairan for this insight.

I just wanted to sincerely say Jazak Allah Khair for your current efforts. I feel like you are not only helping many sisters, but are doing a wonderful job of actually speaking on behalf on many brothers that, to be quite honest, would not be able to express the same views or opinions without being labeled as “backwards” as you metioned. I know these short lectures are intended for sisters, but I listened to this just to get an understanding of what the concerns of sisters were and if possibly there was something I can benefit from as well (I apologize if you would prefer that not to be the case and will stop if you like).

Walahi I’ve never heard anyone else express publicly this well on the subject of how many practicing brothers have their future children’s well being and upraising as the single greatest priority when it comes to finding a suitable partner. Alhumdulillah our Muslim sisters are very smart, educated, strong, and more than capable of accomplishing any goals they set. It isn’t a matter of not appreciating their sacrifices or talents, nor trying to relegate them to the home and waste their potential, but understanding priorities and learning from the good/bad in society around us.

However, I feel that one issue is that obviously we all know that every single Muslim sister would say that their children are their top priority and that this issue should almost go without question. The problem is that brothers (and I am speaking on behalf of myself, but feel it represents many practicing brothers as well) don’t want just a good mother for their children, but instead we want the very best mother because we humbly realize our children need a wonderful mother always present in their life much more than they need a good father. The brothers love their own mothers dearly and know there is no substitute for a mother’s care towards her children, so I agree that it isn’t unfair if brothers aren’t willing to compromise on this (which also is probably the only thing that brothers won’t waiver on for their children’s sake, and everything else is flexible). If daycare/baby sitters are already in the picture, I agree that in many instances things might not turn out as desired for both parties.

There is a big difference between being educated and being overly “career oriented”. To be frank there really is a stigma, whether fair or unfair, with a sister who is seen as being overly “career oriented”. I’m not saying there is a dichotomy between being accomplished and the top professional in your field, and being the best mother, but brothers want to know that if for any reason one had to be chosen over the other for a temporary time period that sisters would on their own accord make a decision that would make them feel comfortable so their children won’t have to be raised by strangers.

Lastly, I would say that insha’Allah your praiseworthy and wonderful efforts don’t simply teach a way of projecting oneself as a great mother willing to sacrifice for her children due to attempting to make a prospective husband feel like that is a sister’s top priority, but rather helps to truly and sincerely make that embedded in the hearts of our dear sisters regardless of whether or not marriage is something that is being sought after.

At least for myself, everything stated in the video was true and of the utmost importance to me (I was actually surprised how on point it was). Lastly, I apologize if anything I said offended anyone, or if I came off as “backwards”, as it wasn’t my intention at all. May Allah (swt) reward you for your efforts.

Can’t wait for more info LOL

Salams x x x

Well thats just deciphered 99% of my queries, issues and problems with ‘potential spouses’ as to why they get so freaked out when they find out about my educational background, present endeavours and future aspirations.

Makes sense …..although I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mum, when Insha’Allah Allah swt blesses me with children, I can see now why the opposite gender aren’t always convinced. I see why they would have issues as to whom will build, maintain and nurture the household when they are busy fulfilling their roles.

To some it may seem backwards, but when you put everything in perspective it shows that we are blessed, we have our ‘natural roles’ as Muslim women. Although we wish wo be wifes and mothers, we always tend to se how that would fit around our current lifestyle and future ambitions and forget that those roles will actualy become our main priority and thats where we have to channel our focus and energies.

A truly eye opening and insightful video.
Jazakallahu Khairun

Walaikumsalaam

You know what? You are right. I have been so preocupied with my carreer that I have not given a single thought to this. I have just assumed that as soon as the baby arrives I will instinctivelly know what to do and that is baloney. The truth is I have no idea what kind of mother or homemaker I will be because I have failed to invest sufficient thought and interest into the matter. Even worse, I have been regarding it as uneccessary. My mistake. I shall think about it, that is a promise. To figure out how I can be the best nurturer inspite of my faults, shortcomings and personal ambitions. Big ups on the effort with this service.

In faith and in conciousness
Assiya

Subhan Allaah where are these brothers? I was married before at 22 and I always had a idea of a ‘traditional’ marriage and I thought this was a ‘given’ but my family and my former husband had other ideas and it was so embarrassing and hard. My advice to sisters who have not been married before is to struggle to get over the hill of embarrassment and take head to this video.
Jazakil Allaah khair! I feel like you are a shaqeeqah (biological sister) to all of us young and not so young.
wa salamu ‘alai kum warahmatulLaah

I am 23.. and i have been thinking about these points. I do want to put my children first inshallah. I realsie men should go out and work and a mother should look after the children more.
I have decided to go part time when i have chidlren, and if possible and finically able to i would stop working… career break as they call it. and look after my children. there are no islamic nurseries here and i wouldnt want to place my kids into one.
Thank you for the video

Jazakallah khier sis

This has been very helpful and insightful. Even though I am 23 and I think about these things a lot, at times I feel scared that perhaps I am looking too much into the future. And Mr. Right might just not be thinking about that yet. But now that you have mentioned that is what men secretly look for, I will try to be more communicative about that realm of marriage. I feel I would be a great parent and I should be confident enough to voice that to the brother who may be a prospective life partner.

Sometimes I wonder if as a busy student I can still find my Mr. Right and still get my career on track. All things are possible with Allah (swt). But it’s good to have a realistic opinion. May be you can make a video about how important/unimportant that transition is before meeting someone. That is, finishing school and then working before entering the marriage market, or looking now even though as a student you might not be able to fully exemplify all the characteristics an awesome parent should. I hope this makes sense to you.

Thank you for all the e-mail reminders. They are helpful. InshaAllah I will be able to make it to the next webinar. May Allah reward you for your efforts. Ameen.

wassalaam
Sister bee =)

Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Jazakillahu Khairan sister 4r ur beautifully described & an informative fact regarding MR.Right.

In present generation how many of our Muslim brothers do really avoid caring about age, external beauty, financial status, qualifications, family background, etc……. so many of such things which they feel & consider as priorities for getting married to a Muslim Sister………..

If Our Muslim brothers just find a good Muslimah who INshAllah is praciticing everything stated by Allah(SWT) in our HOly Book Quran & trying 2 b firm on the path of Sunnah, shown 2 us by none other than our Beloved Prophet Muhammad(PBUH) , then……….!

How many of our brothers r going to ignore the above mentioned categories specified considering must (according 2 d present society) for a female to possess for getting married.

Jazakillahu Khairan
Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

I am 30 and not married,,,i feel like im lost when it comes to find the right person for me. honestly i dont have all time im getting old.

I decided some time ago, shortly after I made the intention to marry, that I wanted to be housewife once I married. Or, at least, once I have children insha Allah. I am nearing the big 3-0 and I’ve done all of things most girls aspire, i.e. college, grad school, travel/work abroad, monthly salary, car, independence, etc. So, I am very ready for that next step in my life. In fact, it is my dream to make a home with my husband and to plan our life together insha Allah.

with all my plans for what i wanna do and also i like learning new hobbies and languages, my friends, relatives were wondering what is place of my future family. my answer was always “most important and above all of this. it just right now i don’t have my own family, i am looking for my future beloved husband, and when i will get married i will obey him, and when we will have children i will leave whatever position i will have, cause i understand time is flying so fast, and i don’t wanna be apart my children when they are growing and need me the most, i want to see first smile and first step of my kid”
i want to create family where husband will be in hurry to return, cause i know many examples, when they (husbands) go to visit friends, take extra work cause they don’t feel going home…
and i see being mother and wife is my primary responsibility and if i doing it excellent and still have time i could get job, do community work and so on….. but if my family needs me i will leave everything and be with them….

lol….i am not married yet, but inshaallah will be, and that’s how i see my marriage life

I believe people would stand to benefit a lot from advice backed up with hadith. The sunnah is always a great source of motivation. MashaAllah though, I admire the efforts made to help Muslims understand marriage better.

I am 22 and I’d like to get married to someone just like what you talked about in this video.

I will put my children before anything else.. Insha Allaah.. JazaakiAllaahu kul khair for the beautiful reminer (=

Raising Children the right way is the scariest part here..